Should I leave my PMO addicted partner?

Nobody can make this decision for you. Only you can. Only you know what's best for you

 

Ultimately, the decision is up to you, but reading through this, I would absolutely say it is time to put an end to this. Let's be real here, why would he be on a website for rating prostitutes if he hasn't been to one since before you met? If he's been dishonest in his promise to stop talking to people in the Craigslist encounters section, then it's likely he's been equally dishonest about everything else (i.e. he probably HAS met people, and it's likely he's visited prostitutes too).

Based on that alone, I would say there is absolutely no point in sticking around.

Now let's give him the benefit of the doubt and assume absolutely everything he said was true other than what he said about not messaging people on Craigslist again - even so, the decision in my opinion should remain the same. It is one thing to forgive a mistake and let someone have another second chance, but when you specifically set a line he must never cross again if he wants to be given that second chance, and then he goes and crosses that very line - that's too much. At this point if you stick around, you're just enabling his behaviour, and enabling his addiction.

You've specifically told him you will not stand for him crossing that line - so if you do, so if you stick around now, he knows that it doesn't matter what he does, and he can walk all over you because you won't leave.

This is typical manipulation, and yet another reason to leave.

The pain of starting over sucks, but you have to realise that the pain of sticking around will add up to a lot worse.

Do what you think is best, but everything about this screams a toxic relationship that isn't going to get any better. Better to rip off the bandaid and get it over with so you can move on with your life.

Even if you make the decision to stay with him, I would STILL leave him, and make it clear to him that maybe just maybe if he gets his act together you'll consider starting things up with him again - but until then the two of you will remain separated. If that doesn't convince him to clean up his act, then there was nothing worse salvaging in the first place and it's time for you to move on.

 

I think the answer to this is pretty obvious. If he cared about you at all he would make an attempt to break the cycle. He is using you. Why stay in a 1 sided relationship? I was pretty much behaving this way to my ex girlfriend. I mean i wasn't doing what he is doing but i was doing things i shouldn't be doing if i loved her and i was doing them because i didn't love her and i didn't care about her at all. When she confronted me with these things i was just saying either that it is not true or i put the blame on her coz i just simply didn't care and the longer she put up with this the more i lost my respect for her and in the end i did what she couldn`t and broke up with her. Don`t be like my ex, this guy is no good for you get him out of your life. When we are in love sometimes everything is obvious but we ignore because we want to believe what we want to be true and we are weak. When u get this guy out of your life and his effect on you is gone u will see everything very clear and will not understand how u acted this way and didn't leave him way earlier and maybe u will feel stupid for this but don't. Because we have all been there, this is how we grow, do what u know u have to do and you will emerge from this a stronger and wiser person.

 

I say you should drop him. Its like he doesn't even care one bit about you. He doesn't deserve your love.

 

My porn addiction caused harm to my ex gf. I noticed it and talked to her about the issue, decided I would change, but my low self esteem, depression and objectifications thoughts were still getting in our way and causing harm to both me and her. Porn was still influencing me. So I took a decision. I said to her I have to leave and get clean. I can not dare stay anymore and keep hurting her. She agreed after being relutant. So this is what I'm doing right now. This week I started my reboot process away from her, abstaining from PMO is the price I gotta pay if I ever want to have a relationship with her again. Feel guilty everytime I relapse and I miss her, but I really wont give in.

It may be hard, but leaving is probably the right decision. You've done too much for him already, it may take you to leave for him to see how wrong he is. He probably will notice it and ask you for another chance, but I guess you shouldn't give him another chance this time. Either he changes for good or he can't be part of your life anymore. It's not going to be easy for him, but this was ultimately what he chose by being dishonest with you.
I see no point of you staying, you really did everything you could already, you gave him more chances than he deserved. You gotta move on with your life.

I wish you good luck with this

 

I'm sorry to hear about this. I'd say based on what you've shared with us which I'm sure wasn't easy that you should leave him. You need to think about your own health and safety as well. If he's been involved with other people you just don't know if he's picked something up or that he might. I think he's blaming you for his problems because for him you're the perfect scapegoat, it's up to him to change and if he really doesn't want to then no one can force him to. Maybe if you leave he will realize what he's throw away and might work on changing and getting the help he needs. Anyway no one deserves to be treated like this, you deserve better. As much as I'd like to start dating again I want to get a better handle on my PMO problems first. Best of luck and you're the only one who can make the decision listen to what your heart is telling you.

 

One of the big effects PMO can give someone is brain fog and I'm not saying it's an excuse but it can and does warp ones sense of reality, clarity and empathy. It makes you depressed, confused, you can't remember things well, sometimes it just consumes me for periods of time kind of like an out of body experience. While I've never done the things you've mentioned he's done everyone is different but I'd say he's in real deep. Don't ever let him or anyone put that kind of blame on you. He's banking on you being too empathetic and folding. I left my last girlfriend for putting pressure on me to have sex but I hesitated for awhile like you are and it pained me but it was the right choice for me.

 

I know it's hard to hear that coming from someone you love and care about deeply. In my experience my ex kept putting us in situations to have sex and I wasn't ready for that and still am not at present. She didn't understand the damage it was doing to me inside, I was tearing myself apart about it all saying should I wait and tell her no I need time or do I give into her and do what she expects of me. Ultimately it got to the point for me where I felt so ashamed for almost giving in that I couldn't stand my own self and I got depressed and anxious over it thinking how can I keep her without feeling like this. The answer was simple I couldn't and I had to accept that, she didn't want the break up and neither did I but it just became to unhealthy for me so I had to do what was best for me and I think in the long run best for her and that was to part ways. They say if you love someone sometimes you have to set them free and that's what I did. Now don't get me wrong it was tough for awhile but time heals the wounds and it will heal my PMO addiction. No one wants to be alone, human beings are social creatures by nature. I've been single for about 4 years now. Sure it pains me to see many of my friends, family and coworkers all in nice relationships and I feel like I'm all alone. But I let PMO drag me away from that and into the abyss without knowing it for so long, half the battle is waking up and realizing that the other half is fighting to win. But I know that if I can stay the course and prevail over this enemy then there is nothing stopping me from finding genuine love which is what we all want not pixels on a screen or anonymous flings. You're a strong woman and you can do it if you choose to.

 

If he's not going to change his ways of thinking and doing, there's no hope of that happening. Time to make a fresh start.

 

I used to not like thinking about my experience as it lead me down the path to PMO but I've accepted it for what it was. It's a part of my personal history and I had to learn to accept that no matter how much it pained me and eventually I did.

Rebooting in a relationship can be difficult for both involved I've heard some say it's easier and others say it's harder. For me I'd love to be in a relationship but I need to focus on bettering myself first, if I can't love myself and improve where I want to improve in life then how can I expect anyone else to? This is a season of change for myself personally I can feel it and know that if I stick to it even though there is a lot of work to be done each and every day I can chip away at it and slowly see the fruits of my labor. There's women in my life I'm attracted to and would love to date but porn has robbed me of my confidence and self worth and for a longtime I didn't realize that but I realize that now. For me I don't want to date someone because I feel lonely, drag them into this or use them as an excuse to relapse. My heart hungers for real genuine love someone to walk with, talk to, cuddle and just appreciate. But porn has changed my brain sadly to think constantly about women more of objects first then a human being and that pains me to say that. That is why I myself am staying away from a relationship till I know I'm ready whenever that will be. He has to have the right mindset and it has to be a serious one no half hearted measures will work.

 

Oh man, I think I know exactly how you feel... I am on the exact same road. You're not doing this alone.
"If you're going through hell, keep going."

 

Sorry to hear what you're going through. He's definitely not being a responsible and loving partner. Are you married?

BTW, and this is meant to help, not victim-blame, but you might want to look for answers as to why you have chosen these kinds of men (you said your previou ex was an alcoholic). You don't want to continue this pattern.