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Should I date or not? Opinions please?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself, Nov 30, 2018.

  1. I am a 44 year old musician, divorced last year.

    I am athletic, and lost a lot of weight. Women seem to want to flirt. If I stop at the store, the post office, at the gym or coffee shop, I always turn heads. Also, I have good posture and smile. Everything seems to be in place.

    Then I say "hi". That ends it. That one word ruins any chance I have with a girl.

    How is this happening?

    A woman sees me from a distance, she moves in to talk to me. She smiles and makes eye contact. I notice she has no hardware, so she is clear.

    It's like living in the Twilight Zone.

    As soon as I say "hi", she turns around, and stares into the cell phone, like I was never there.

    Here is a single woman, just as lonely as I am. She wants the same thing I want, which is love, affection, companionship, sex.

    Apparently saying "hi" is not part of that....
     
  2. DaveHana

    DaveHana Fapstronaut

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    Man, I hear you. 37, going through a rough divorce. I am athletic and good looking, but I'm shy and have approach anxiety with women. I think it's tough to connect with random women out in the wild. "Hi" isn't going to cut it - you have to grab her attention with something unique in a non-threatening way. I think that's where you need PUA / game / skills - and I have none, because that shit seems phony to me. I feel like I'm better off meeting women in places where we have mutual interests and things to talk about.
     
  3. The PUA is a myth. There is no truth to it. Maybe occasionally some guys can pick up one girl per year, but normally, she's lonely, unattractive and heavy. The "Game" has no verifiable evidence behind it, other than what "the author" has said. I've done a lot of research into "game" with women. There is not a shred of evidence any of it is affective, and I've never seen it work first hand. This is why I don't go down that route.

    But also keep one thing in mind: even if there was such a thing as "game", is it worth it? Should I create a false persona, to turn on and off to get what I want from people? Even if it brought millions of dollars, fame and women, then who have I become? Do I throw away my spirituality in the process?

    The idea for that and other reasons is a no go for me.
     
  4. of course you should try to find a partner if you desire to have one. Why on earth not? Just be patient with it.

    And please do the women the favour and don't listen to any of this pickup artist bullshit. This is toxic masculinity of the worst kind. You don't want to tick boxes, fulfil bucket lists or increase the number of women you had slept with to boost your ego. You are looking for a partner.

    Just be yourself, approach women who you know have similar interests to you, use dating apps, whatnot.
     

  5. BartlebytheScrivener,

    Thank you so much for that post. I whole heardly agree with that. I want to do it that way.

    I just want to be me, and I want a woman who likes me for me.

    Nothing else will work.

    And if nothing works, then I get to continue to be myself, unhindered.

    Thank you, my friend!
     
    hydroxide and Deleted Account like this.
  6. I’m just sharing what my therapist told me so hoping no one clobbers me. He said don’t think about dating until you get to 90 straight no PMO.

    Right now I just try starting conversations in order to work on meeting women. Been hiding away from them most of my life with porn. I’m a huge loser.

    For me I’m past 90 days and women want nothing to do with me other than casual friends. I also find that just saying “Hi” is a huge turn off. But asking a question seems to draw some in. But most women want me to get lost. Frustrating but rejection is part of life.

    I wish you the best.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2018
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    How do you know they're single if you don't know anything about them?

    If they don't want to talk to you, then maybe your assumptions of women wanting to flirt with you is wrong.

    When you say "hi", do you just stand there with 10 seconds of silence between you two? Explain the situation more because I really doubt a hello is all it takes for someone to get turned off.
     
  8. Yep, “Hi” or “Hello” needs to be followed by something that will get them to answer.
     
    DaveHana likes this.
  9. My suggestion is that giving up is not going to win. Women are just as lonely, needy and desperate as men. But the difference is that they hold all the cards in the love/sex arena. They should: they have an obsession.

    That's what I had a hard time understanding about women. If they are so obsessed with love, why not just engage with me, and go out, or get physical? Why do they put up roadblocks at random points in the meeting?

    The reason is that a woman who is attractive has a guy who lives next door to her who constantly pesters her for sex. En route to work, another guy at the gas station oggles her. While she pays for the gas, the cashier asks for her number. As she pulls out of the station, at the traffic signal, the guy in the next car is smiling at her.

    Women grow indifferent after a while to the constant stream of men who hit on them. They reach a point where they are disinterested in men, because the next guy who will want her is around the corner.

    In economics, the supply and demand model is applicable here. From her perspective, there are many guys and the demand factor is strong. Since she is attractive, many of the women she knows are not as attractive as she, therefore she sees herself as a relatively scarce commodity, and the supply factor is low. When demand is high and supply is low, there is only one result which is an increase in the price.

    This is why she screens out all the men up front who she doesn't like. Of the guys that remain, she continues to filter out men who have certain problems she doesn't want. A man who makes money is good, but those guys are rare. A guy who worked at a union shop for 40 years and accumulated $1 mil. is one kind of guy. A guy who is in his 30s and is an entrepreneur with different profitable businesses moves to the top of the priority stack a lot faster.

    My suggestion to solve this dilemma is to flirt with a woman and get to the kiss right away. If a woman doesn't like my humor, doesn't want to touch or kiss nearly immediately, then I move on. I never expend resources on her, including; emotional, financial, time or effort. She has rejected me. It's over. The only thing left is to get friend zoned, and a man never escapes that.

    So if you can't hit it, quit it!
     
    DaveHana likes this.
  10. DaveHana

    DaveHana Fapstronaut

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    Wow this thread has some great advice! I think the approach tactic of a friendly "Hey" followed up with a question is a great idea. If the question seems authentic, natural and something that you are actually curious about, I bet you'd have better results.
     
    tet2vd likes this.
  11. Sure, DaveHana, I could try it! Cheers!
     
    DaveHana likes this.
  12. When I say hello people run is it my profile pic lol
     
  13. DaveHana

    DaveHana Fapstronaut

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    May you have the courage of William Wallace!!!
     

  14. That is next level, my friend! I have the St. Andrews flag on my wall, btw....
     
    DaveHana likes this.
  15. I am starting to make approaches. I've watched a lot of videos.

    It's kind of like portraying a role as an actor. When I see a female I like, I have to "act" like this smooth, romantic, sexual player.

    I think women are starting to feel it.
     
    DaveHana likes this.
  16. DaveHana

    DaveHana Fapstronaut

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    That's great! Can you share some examples of the best videos you've watched?
     
  17. I think you shouldn't dating right now since you're only on 31 days.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. I completed a 97 day streak in 2018, don't worry.
     

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