Shifting from porn addiction to escort browsing: an inquiry into PMO's further corner

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by petite_mort, Jun 28, 2018.

  1. petite_mort

    petite_mort Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    I haven't posted in a while, I'm often on social media but barely ever on forums as I never quite got used to this form of interaction. I post on the subreddit occasionnally as well under another username.


    The topic may have been talked about already and I apologise for that, but I wanted to know if any of you have seen their addiction evolving in the way mine did. I started PMO nearly 5 years ago, long story short after an emotional wound two years ago the addiction crawled back slowly and a year ago I started to browse for escorts online. I must say I didn't take it much seriously at first, nevertheless a whole new world opened up and I guess it pleased my craving dopamine receptors that were already on their way to zombification; during last August I was home alone (my gf was visiting her family at the time) and I was on the verge of getting myself an escort service. In the end I didn't but spent half my free time on porn sites, half on escort sites. Ironically I met a fabulous girl whom I was close to have intercourse with, but I was too deep into PMO and lacked the "drive" to make the final step (judge me all you want regarding my existing relationship, it's not the topic here so if anyone wants to discuss the matter, pm are preferred). Karma's been working beautifully indeed !

    After a short respite brought about by a sweet vacation that I spent with my gf (end of August/beginning of September), it only got more and more pervasive since. I ended up breaching these ever-repeating cycles once in December, and the experience was very weird: I miscalculated the time it took to get at the escort's place, which happened to be a cheap hotel nearly an hour from my place (she was around temporarily and it was her last day, she told me eventually that she remained there only for me as I booked a few days an advance but who the hell knows), I told her I was going to be late and it was ok. I hauled ass to be on time though as I didn't want it to be cancelled, however I didn't bring any cash with me as I was somewhat cautious, and there happened to be no ATM around (!), the closest being in the city center 20m away from the hotel. I was already tired by then and kept rushing as my phone battery was on its way to die, I managed to get the apartment number before it did so I coudl eventually join her, and went onto an epic journey solely to get cash to fuck a paid woman later; I was actually unsure she'd even wait for me that long. That may have been one of the stupidest things I ever did. An hour later I got there, all covered up in cold sweat, and to my surprise she was still there after having knocked on the door, she'd only fell asleep in the meantime: I woke her up ! She was fatter than the many photos I've seen on the site, which were probably either a few years old or advantagely took, and the room was small and looked plain and uncomfy. I hid my disappointment: after all these efforts, this was where I was getting at ? It was the reason I didn't turn back though; I took a shower, made the small talk (she seemed shy, perhaps I impressed her in spite of my concealed confusion ?) and we got down to the business. I booked one hour and stayed for more than an hour and a half, because I was so tired from the running-around that I could barely get it up; when it did, it was temporary. The bulk of the time consisted in preliminaries, and the woman was comprehensive enough and didn't put any pressure on me (I'm guessing she was comfortable with me in spite of all this). I did the deed in the end, it felt forced for me (didn't want to leave and having done all this without at least an orgasm), got a mediocre massage on the bed that was smaller than me, and left, both empty and lucid, as if nothing would ever be the same since then. Notwithstanding, about a week after this strange event, the compulsion came back, and although I had hoped it would only be a last gasp, I got back on the train sooner than expected.

    The assessment is clear enough : for the most part of the last dozen of months, I've been as much looking for escorts, becoming somewhat an expert (as with porn), often making "lists" that I never fulfill because I either come back to my senses before making an appointment, am stopping out of guilt towards my girlfriend whom I live with, or am concerned with my wasting money (I'm still a student and I live on my own with gf who's the main breadwinner, I don't make much money). I often start checking escorts (almost as if I follow them, like someone would follow a celebrity on social media) and end up jerking off. I haven't had a good streak since autumn, in spite of all my hopes for 2018 and my subscription to this board, and yesterday I was so close to sealing the deal again with another girl only to see it disappear once and for all, if she hadn't flaked. I'm having a sense of urgency that I haven't had since I've last written on here (perhaps a sign), and I'm jaded. I desperately need to advance in my life, and it's such a burden.


    tl;dr: Been in the NF game for 5 years, porn consumption somewhat transformed into an escort-checking compulsion, would like to know if any of you had a similar experience and how did you deal with it. Any thought on the topic are appreciated.
     
  2. Budh

    Budh Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to a lot of what you've written.

    Porn and escorts became one of the same to me, I could easily live out my pornographic desires with an escort. I've been with many high end escorts who actually look like top end porn stars, in fact I've even been with a few top end porn stars who escorted. However, I was never satisfied and wanted more and more and more. That is the trap, you can easily waste thousands upon thousands of dollars, and in my case almost 100 thousand and never been truly satisfied.

    My advise would be to try meditation to calm the mind from overthinking about sex, porn and escorts. Do a web search for porn addiction and meditation. I would also advise purchasing some books or doing online courses than can help and with porn and sex addiction and if possible seek professional help.
     
    SirErnest likes this.
  3. petite_mort

    petite_mort Fapstronaut

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    You must be really wealthy ! It goes to show that anyone in possession of a functioning brain could catch the disease.

    How is it going for you at this moment ?
     
  4. Budh

    Budh Fapstronaut

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    Fortunately loosing $100,000 to high end escorts hasn't put me into financial debt. However, I still get upset at the fact I wasted that sort of money on those escorts as they just saw me as a cash dispenser. The money could've gone into a charity or even providing support to PMO addicts. The sex industry is evil and it takes advantage of people.

    Meditation has helped me a lot. I struggled for many years, I purchased so many books etc on porn addiction, and even though a lot of it made perfect sense, I still couldn't fight the urge and that's where meditation can help. However, it's not easy to reach deep meditation and a lot of people give up far too easily. Lookup Sahaja Yoga Meditation.
     
    barrypower likes this.
  5. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    addiction is like gravity. it is always there.
    If we dont put efforts to move in positive direction, then we will lose. porn addiction is like hair on face, it's like health. if we dont shave our face regularly, the beard will grow. likewise unless we take action to move in direction away from porn addiction, then we are by default moving in direction towards porn addiction.
    i've started exercising n i hope it helps. been 5 days now.
     
  6. ziposp

    ziposp Fapstronaut

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    I was in similar situation, I was looking for casual sex with people that I didn’t know that much But I didn’t have a girlfriend at the time so if you really love her you got to stop man what if you catch std and give it to her?
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2018
  7. barrypower

    barrypower Fapstronaut

    Truth. In the end, we are only one of many income sources to the escort.

    For petite_mort, you seem like a decent man, who feels remorse for your gf because of this. Perhaps some of the issue is personal, but could some of this be tied to your relationship with your gf? In an ideal world, if you and your gf made adjustments, would this help you fight the urge to use escorts instead of fighting this alone?

    I mention this because if you're living with your gf, I imagine that there's a sense of trust and ability/willingness to support each other. How would you support her if she were facing a similar problem?
     
  8. petite_mort

    petite_mort Fapstronaut

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    I've never thought about it that way, it would make up for a good meditation. To be honest with you (and myself), if it would've happened like this, I would've quit my girlfriend. Not necessarily in an acrimonious fashion, but I would simply tell her that she'd be better off without me, and would wish her the best. It might be the reason why I wouldn't tell her my issues, that I've been hiding real well to this day.
     
    barrypower likes this.
  9. Lanius

    Lanius Fapstronaut

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    I have experienced nearly the same escalation and it destroyed a relationship I cared about very much. As my porn addiction grew more apparent I began to escalate it like many do. I was fortunate enough to feel uncomfortable and disgusted with extreme and violent pornography, so my addiction spiraled into browsing escorts.
    Like you said the experience was novel at first, but soon became a serious consideration as I realized I could in fact see an escort fairly easily.
    I would spend hours browsing the internet looking at a fair number of options. My habit of searching for escorts finally terminated in a car chase with the woman, as I chickened out from anxiety and tried to run away.
    This emotionally devastated me, and effected my relationship with my girlfriend and how I interacted with women in general. There hasn't been a time since I was a kid where I am not scrutinizing women on their sexual worth.
    Even now, the compulsion to seek a prostitute is there. Thankfully, I have educated myself and evaluated the consequences more, and I do not feel the urge as strongly.
    Stay strong, you can beat it. The realization that an escort simply isn't worth it, and hurts so many beyond yourself can be enough to keep your perspective in check.
     
    SirErnest likes this.
  10. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    Me too. I'm staying away from porn because it gave me bad PIED. But now I'm looking at streetwalker reports and lower-end escorts, because I'm pretty much broke.

    I know this is probably not a good idea. (In fact, sometimes I wonder if PMO isn't the lesser evil!) But I can't resist. Being 63, fat, short, and introverted, I don't expect to be getting a woman - especiially a younger one -any other way - plus I'm not even sure I would want an actual relationship - I'm really used to being on my own after all these years.
     
  11. Hi Mort,

    Sorry to hear things have escalated that way.

    I think if things are going to a point where you feel compelled to seek out escorts, you should take it seariously. Especially since you are in a relationship and there is another person that depends emotionally on you.

    Cut from the root, cut out everything that takes you to the addiction and take the time to study what brings you back there and how you can evolve from it. It sounds like you are able to reason when things are difficult and can see the urge coming up. I think that's a saving factor. Perhaps if you are not too close to it, you can get out of it and make a conscious decision to stay away from it for good.

    I find it helps to cut everything that would connect or associate me with that urge/addiction. It's liberating and then you have to hold that ground because it wants to fight or sneak it's way back.

    Wish you all the strength,
    Pau
     
  12. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Escalation to escorts is a very bad idea. I think it is more addictive than porn. I have lived out all my fantasies through escorts, things I would have never done before porn. The things I was most disgusted with was femdom. I am glad I never got into findom, but paying for sex is a kind of findom.
     

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