She doesn't care about NoFap...what does this mean?

Hello there!
I'm sorry to hear that. I know how much can support do while fighting with PMO. However, my question to you is: Does she support you while doing some different things? If she does, than you shouldn't feel bad for not getting support, she may only feel awkward to ask you about it. Also, laughing is the way how some people react to shocking situations, that doesn't necessary mean she was trying to make fun of you. BUT! If she doesn't support you in any other way I'm worried she doesn't love you anymore. That's why she may not support you throughout your fight. Hope this scenario didn't/won't happen and wishing you the best of luck while fighting your addiction! Have a nice day.

 

There are many possibilities here: (we will for a more positive message assume the best case, and that she loves you)

It's possible that she is one of those healthy people that isn't insecure about sex or her self image (they do exist). To those people, porn and masturbation has no significant meaning, and is just naked people, and you when you are feeling lonely. For those people, they aren't going to really understand the problems and self control that you have issues with in Porn/Masterbation. They will just assume, it's something he likes, 'oh well'. (My GF is one of these people even though I share full disclosure with her. It's actually kind of wonderful).

It's also possible she has been told "Boys will be boys". (It's an awful statement really, used to justify any manner of bad behavior a woman should just role over for.) However, It could be that someone she trusted explained to her that boys have a need (Vasocongestion or 'Blue Balls') if they don't seek release when they are in need. In that, she may not feel the right to interfere with your sexual needs unless she is wanting sex. (Kinda good sentiment to respect each others sexuality, wrong way to actually justify it, and worse way to communicate about it).

But..... we could talk possibilities all day long. (She isn't here) so It's time to bring you into focus:

You mention you thought "it was important for women to know that their man prefers them over porn?". The question is, do you feel that way about your PMO use and your wife? Have you communicated that in any tactful way?

Ultimately what is your goal with the NoFap reboot? It sounds as if you are frustrated with wanting her help, but also fearful about approaching her about it, and disappointed that it hasn't been offered.

The first step would to be to clarify your goal (with NoFap and your relationship with her).

(Hint: more sex isn't the best answer, but since you mentioned 6 weeks, I'll make a leap to an assumption, and believe me I sympathize in that my Ex wanted intimacy only 6 weeks to 3 months). If that is your goal, you will have to communicate with her on what drives her to being only every 6 weeks.. You will have to ask the question so that it doesn't sound like an attack. (Remember your asking, and before you can get to a solution, you have to understand the challenge, be sure to brace yourself for the answer) Could be that she wants you to initiate more often, or she isn't sure exactly how to approach you, so she just fumbles through it every 6 weeks. Or could be she just doesn't feel like it. (don't assume). (there are other possibilities, like she has hangups or health issues, but sticking to keeping to best case hope here.)

- if 'who' is initiating is the issue, discuss if 'scheduling' sex would assist. (It's not romantic). But if you have challenges asking, and she feels its a chore to have to ask, then setting a date, and trying to come together can alleviate that as a point of stress.

- if she wants you to initiate, and you feel sensitive to rejection, and not sure how to work out reading her as ready... then you might discuss how she feels she does offer you a sign. When is normal for her to be more in a mood, or what you can do to make it easier on her for you to approach her. (It's dumb but workable, but I saw magnets you could put on the fridge that were his/her level of desire markers. The idea is that without having to actually say it to your significant other, you each moved the magnet up or down that day based on how much desire you might be feeling, and it would be your little game to signal the other to come hither, and when you're open to approach.)

- if she doesn't 'feel like it', then see if she would be willing to do some of the couples bonding rituals out there. 'Karezza' is a sexual ritual where you come together, but without the goal of orgasm. There are others out there that are nonsexual, but designed to increase couples communication, sense of bond daily. Partners often feel like they are ignored, trivialized, or just plain disconnected, and it leads them not to want sex. A communications class, and some couples ritual that you both commit to might help)

Don't get frustrated if the answers are 'I don't know'. She may not know her feelings. It could be she feels comfortable, and doesn't put a priority on sex, because you fulfill her. She may have no clue 'what's better'. She may just be embarrassed by being put on the spot, and feeling vulnerable. In that case, see if she would be open to experimentation, and have some ideas ready on what that means (or google it together, and see what strikes both of you).

If your goal for Nofap, is that you're fine with 6 weeks, but you want the session to be more fulfilling. Then that is also on you, but communicate with her that you are having difficulty and that you want to turn that 6 week mark into more of a celebration. Or that you would like her to help you, by discussing with you where you are each day. In another forum here, I saw a practice called 'FANOS' it's a daily couples ritual, where you admit something each day to your partner. You could use this as a routine.
(if you do want a celebration, then need to communicate what that means to her. Something like "I find it is a strain to wait that long, but I would find it more fulfilling if when we did, we could make it more stimulating through going out on a date, dressing up, and ending the night with candles, roses, and silky lingerie")

Again, all this is driven by first understanding what you want, so you can give word to it. And then being able to express that to her in a way that isn't demanding, but lets her actually know where you are. She can always say no, marriage is about compromise after all. But you won't know until you can actually ask.

If you google 'How do I communicate my needs in a relationship', you will come across wonderful advice. Some of this stuff is so simple, but makes such a huge difference, and unfortunately isn't instinctual. When you do read these sites, be sure to note the importance of only using "I want", and not "You should" when expressing your need/want. (Again, you're making a request, and it needs to come across that way, and not as a demand). It's so very important.

(Note: when I approached my marriage (now in divorce), I felt guilty whenever I prioritized myself. I worked hard and gave everything to her, and felt disappointed when things just didn't somehow come back to me. I didn't realize until too late, that I wasn't making my wants/needs clear, and didn't feel comfortable prioritizing me. While I couldn't expect me to always be first, if you don't value yourself enough to put yourself first, its unhealthy, and quite frankly boring your partner. The only way to do that is learning how to ask.)

 

Well bro im really sorry to hear that , i cant comment lot more than my friends has comment , but this is a lonely figth my friend and i say this because you would not always have someone there for you , look for someone who cares mostly a guy if youre a guy , and congrats budy its not an easy choice but its a worth it one , and well i dont know youre situation in youre marrige less know you guys , i only can tell.you put youre best , why ? Because whatever it happends at the end you'll have the dissatisfaction that you did everything you had in hand . Luck and congrats bro , recomended movie WHAT LOVE IS carefull could had edging stuff but its a great movie luck bro , and congratulations my friend

 

Hi I'm a female partner of a man with porn induced delayed ejaculation. I never had issues with any of my prior partners viewing porn or masturbating because we also had a fulfilling sex life. It is a problem in my current relationship because my partner cannot finish with me and he turns me down for sex and chooses porn. I have a very high sex drive for a woman and so this is never going to be okay with me. Many women however just don't like want or need sex, particularly after kids, lots of my friends find it a chore and would be happy for the man to take care of it himself and not bother them. I suspect this may be your wife. If you crave more of a connection than that it's a problem but it seems to me she's fine with how things are.

 

My parents are the same.. They don't approach me for sex though.

 

As in they haven't mentioned anything to do with nofap since I discussed it with them, and they don't understand the concept of "porn addiction".

 

There are many ways to that our partners can react when we tell them about pmo addiction. When i told my partner after hiding my addiction for 2yrs she was devasted, that was 1 year ago. I know how you feel about the no support.....i also have the challange that my partner shows immense anger towards me. She has her own insecurity issues which makes the addiction repulsive and unbearable for her. I have been rebooting for around i year with plenty of relapses and we have not had sex for longer than this. The stress her anger causes me and resulting in me relapsing a number of times. Our relationship is rock bottom, if it wasnt for our 1 year old daughter she would gave left me along time ago. Alot of pain from both sides.

I hope you will find the way....if there is love in your relationship then you will get through, you will be able to reach into her and draw her love out. For yourslelf , irrespective of whether you are in a relationship or single staying clean for 3mth streak is the most important thing.

Ps - there is a good book that has greatly helped me and may may interest you "the way of the superior man" david deida

God bless