She’s interested in a second date. The thing is...

only because you find her attractive you should try hard with her without thinking about it. If she doesn't like you she will tell you soon or later!

 

Hey Robin. This is just my 2 cents, but I feel that you're in too much of a "scarcity mindset". I don't mean to sound harsh, but in my experience when this happens, you usually end up repelling her away. I was in a similar boat like yourself - never dated in high school/college, very shy especially w/girls growing up, etc.

What changed everything for me is taking MASSIVE action in this area of life. I found some local guys from a PUA forum and started going out every weekend and approaching random girls. A year and a half later, I finally lost my virginity at the age of 25 to this MILF at a local bar. A couple weeks later, I took another girl home on a Saturday night. All of these "results" skyrocketed my confidence.

Psychologically, girls can sense these "honest signals" from a man. Whether it's his assertiveness, dominance, options with other girls, enormous sexual experiences, etc.

 

Hi I’m female and 40 and if it makes you feel any better you are giving all the other guys way too much credit for being smooth at this whole thing! They are not and it does not get all that much better with age. They think they are, they will all tell you they are but take it from us ladies Pretty much all guys are awkward just at different levels. It does help to interact on a non romantic level with women. You see this girl as high above you and that’s why you are so nervous. Take her down off that pedestal she does not want to be there. When you see women as just like you you are less likely to be intimidated. I do find that men that have been home schooled share the same issues as do men that go to single sex schools but you are not there now so get out there and be around women!

And don’t base your self esteem on whether or not she likes you if this does not work out oh well!

 

Words of wisdom @GG2002

 

First, let me say that you have overcome a lot to get to this point. You have my respect, that is for sure.

My gut reaction:

I think that you should go for the kiss if you are getting a good sense that she might go for it. The fact that you got a second date is encouraging.

I don't think talking about it is the right way to go. If she's interested, she'll probably go along with the kiss, and women appreciate confidence. If she's not into it, you're not going to talk her into it. As you noted, you risk ending up in the "friend zone". While it's nice to have friends, and that helps build a social circle, it's not what you are about with this girl now.

Having said that, i should really note that I'm fairly lousy with women - I'm not really good at getting their signals. (As an Aspie, you may have similar issues. You must be very high functioning to get this far and i do hope that does not come across as condescending. I have sometimes wondered if I have a bit of Asperger's as I really am sometimes very bad at reading the signals of people.) I've had some successes, and lots of failures. So definitely, take my advice with salt.

 

I wait until I've had sex with a woman about 3-6 times before I decide what kind of relationship I want with them. Sex is incredibly important in a long-term relationship, and if it sucks then there will be huge problems 5-10 years down the road.

You've only had 1 date with her, and she's gone for a week, so don't worry if things fizzle out. If the 2nd date works out, then start escalating and go for it.

Don't worry, I didn't get good at dating until my 30's (I practiced monogamy through my 20's).

 

I practiced zerogamy thorough much of my 20s (not counting the hookers).

 

The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, the 2nd best time is today.