Sexual fantasizing as a different type of sex "orientation"

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ultrafabber, May 20, 2019.

  1. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    I'm thinking of something new here, for example masturbation or watching porn or sexual fantasizing being a type of sexual "orientation" or habituation.

    Let's take masturbation to your imagination for example - you are thinking of a woman but you're actually rubbing a dick. Therefore the sexual habituation is something like "sex = woman fantasy + rubbing a dick". This will be extremely different than actual sex.

    Let's take masturbation to porn next. You are actually looking at other people having sex while rubbing a dick. Even more you are looking at the woman you are attracted sexually getting f by another man while you masturbate. So in this case, "sex = fantasy of the woman you want getting f + rubbing a dick". This is even more different than actual sex.

    You can probably see where i'm going with this, in both cases the "sex" is vastly different than what sex would really be about - actual physical sex with another woman, feeling her, not your own dick. Not thinking of her, but actually seeing her and being near her.

    But what about sexual fantasizing on it's own, without masturbation? You would be inclined to believe, as was I, that getting aroused though sexual fantasizing should be virtually the same as getting aroused by a woman near you.

    This is where I think i was making a mistake, especially considering my past as a former PMO addict - and I am almost certain it wasn't just me operating this way. When I was having sex, i wasn't really "present" or "there". Most of the times, I had to imagine the woman i was with in my mind by closing my eyes. I had to imagine the sex too by closing my eyes, so that i ended up "watching" ourselves. Sadly, and i'm quite ashamed to admit it, in many cases I had to imagine other women or porn stars when i was having sex. I was literally cycling though them as i was cycling different p clips when I was masturbating.

    What I'm saying is that I was perceiving actual sex and the real woman near me like a fantasy too, even if sex was actually happening. I had to transpose everything in fantasy for my penis to work. The "idea" of sex aroused me.

    Back when i was trying and failing nofap, i had the habit, like many of you have, to "test" my erection. Even if i was with my gf at that time, i wasn't getting natural erections around her but when i was alone i was conjuring up fantasies to check my penis and my erection and back then i was actually relieved when i was instantly getting an erection though fantasy. Looking back it's obviously ridiculous cause things were not fine at all, i wasn't getting normal erections from my sexy girlfriend and i didn't see anything wrong with it because i could instantly get one with my imagination.

    The point of all of this is that i feel like real attraction to a real woman is actually different than attraction to sexual fantasy or even softcore images, even if they represent the same person. Ultimately, women in pics or sex fantasies are not actually women, they are just a representation of a woman, lacking any depth. You have to suspend many of your sensory inputs and actually suspend part of your critical thinking for a sexual fantasy or sexual picture to make "sense".

    I would go as far as saying that the more we use sex fantasies and get aroused like that, we actually wire ourselves away from real women and sex, because our brain simply wants the "sex" we trained it to want and a real woman destroys the fantasy of a woman. When we're with a real woman, we actually get sensory inputs from her (visual, auditory and most importantly tactile ones). This directly contradicts the woman from the sex fantasy where we have to ignore most sensory inputs for the fantasy to make sense.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
  2. Raikton

    Raikton Fapstronaut

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    I totally agree with you, I had a very hard escalation through years to the point that I was mostly into cuckold porn, and when fucking with my gf I would lose erection the right moment I stopped thinking about it or very close to it. After some time we broke up, my fantasies escalated too through years, to the point I imagined sucking a dick or even getting bottomed, but not by a man by a dick only, that's even cause in my path I went past shemale and gay porn too. Now I have a new gf since November, and the moment I realized I wasn't getting turned on by my senses, so I decided I had to stop with my strange fantasies and do nofap focusing on reality, after the 1st week she just was touching me while kissing me, and only feeling her breath in my hear that I got my best erection ever, I could go on forever if I wanted too, I felt the same excitement of when I was watching porn but without thinking of anything. Just being in the moment, it was fantastic. Now I still suffer from withdrawal symptoms from my habits of fantasizing and since I always suffered strong anxiety I like have an obsessive disorder right now and it isn't easy at all, but I feel my connection with my gf getting stronger, so I am happy, and even if my erection atm aren't as strong as with porn most of the times, I'm rewiring myself to real sensations and its wonderful, but it's gonna be an hard way.
     
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  3. Monk1415

    Monk1415 Fapstronaut

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    I definitely agree I think fantasising can cause problems in itself, quite hard to stop but it can be done. Good post.
     
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  4. Raikton

    Raikton Fapstronaut

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    Ye it's very hard, even harder when u reach the point where ur fantasies don't even match anymore ur real tastes, cause there it's when the problem is a lot bigger.
     
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  5. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    totally agree.
    You see something on the street, real life that stimulates you - a good looking woman with great body.. you come home you are overstimulated from dwelling on that but she's not around, its you, your mind and your penis.. so you start to think of ways to substitute sex - you can't touch her, smell her, feel her, and there is no intimacy with another human being you're just creating something in your mind to 'get off' - it will inevitably hook into your fantasies, hurts, wants, needs, anxieties and sexualize them...

    if feels like it gives 'relief' but once you're done, you start worry .you had to imagine some wierd stuff to 'get off' then you start to think you are your fantasies..
     

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