Sex with girlfriend...is "okay"

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Maverick47, Feb 25, 2019.

  1. Maverick47

    Maverick47 Fapstronaut

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    I have dealt and still do deal with the issue with not being able to have sex because of PIED.

    I went through 2 women and multiple times had the issue to the point of not being able to have sex at all. These relationships ended because of it. It was painful to me, but at the same time I can understand it. Relationships require sex.

    I have a girlfriend and we've been together for 10 months now. She is very understanding and we've been able to have sex in our relationship. Not as often due to me having anxiety of not being able to perform as I like and not performing to the degree that I like, because of weak boners.

    Of course like most of you I can still have a normal erection with porn. I have stopped with porn, but it's taking time in order to gain back my normal erections. However, I have come across something that I find that I should consider.

    This may not be entirely PIED. I think that it could partly be die to my girlfriend not being attractive enough to me. Most of you would look at her and think I'm crazy, because she is very pretty. She wants sex too.

    However, she is lacking in what matters most to me. A great ass. I need a woman with a great ass. She can have an okay looking face, no tits, but a great ass and I'll be happy. I also like a woman with a stronger sexual drive.

    I have had a woman like this and I loved that about her. I just couldn't stand her personality. She was so fucking hot and a aggressive sex drive...just annoying personality. She caused me to get erections consistently! Even just talking on the phone turned me on, because she was so damn fine.

    This current girlfriend is a great personality, but not sexually what I want.

    My thoughts are I have PIED, but I may need a more attractive woman in my eyes to arouse me.
     
  2. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    Trust me, it’s the P!
     
  3. Maverick47

    Maverick47 Fapstronaut

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    Can you elaborate?
     
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  4. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    Based on the experience of others, try a reboot with no PM and your girlfriend will probably look a lot better to you
     
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  5. Maverick47

    Maverick47 Fapstronaut

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    what is a PM?

    I already think she's pretty. I feel like I need prettier...like sexy as fuck pretty. To me at least.
    It sucks though because she is pretty and is an all around great person. Just....I feel like I require a nice ass on my woman. Basically everything I mentioned above. I hate the idea of sacrificing this girl for someone who is annoying but super sexy.

    Also, I just wonder if it has to do with my ED. Her lack of being sexy
     
  6. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    PM=porn and masturbation
     
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  7. DaveKing

    DaveKing Fapstronaut

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    I understand what you mean man, and I don't necessarily blame you. I would blame a lot of things that make you feel like you need your partner to have an attractive physique. I blame P or course, and the sex appeal and perfectly-portrayed women that appears on ads. I had a relationship with a women who was sexually driven at the time. At it was a bit difficult having sex when the other person isn't as wild as you.

    There are a few things you can do that doesn't necessary have to do with her having a great "ass".

    First, do a 90-day reboot. I'm halfway through and I'm starting to look at average looking women on the hotness scale and having urges to have sex with them. Stopping P and O will make you more sensitive to arousal and can help during sex (although I haven't had sex in about 2 months now, so I don't really know yet).

    Second, talk with her. A relationship is about two people, and sex should also be about satisfying each other in the way that gets them off. Maybe you can explain to her that you'd like to try other position and have her be more rowdy. Does she make noises during sex? I think that's something that turns me on a lot, but I think it's due to P and how women just moan load. Try to make it more arousing for yourself, while making her feel safe. I'm sure she'll want to see you happy and tired in the end :)

    I had another girlfriend who was more fiery in bed and hotter, and I still had a bit of PIED. In the end, I think it has more to do with the activity and how engaging sex is.
     
  8. Maverick47

    Maverick47 Fapstronaut

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    I hear you, but I'm still not sure if your right. I would like that to be true because she is great, but I'm kind of doubting that.

    Really attractive woman = great in bed and always turns me on, but is annoying.
    Moderately attractive woman = okay in bed and doesn't really turn me on, but has a great personality.

    I've stopped porn, but had a few relapses recently, however....when I did masturbate I did it with only my thoughts. No porn. I even looked at porn before one of the times I masturbated and was disgusted with it. To me that's progress, but I am still going to have to completely stop.

    This is so frustrating!

    I feel like this would be better for me to not be in a relationship while going through this and to not be in one for my own goals at the moment. However, she is a great catch....I don't know what to do.
     
  9. You will excuse my words but it seems like you are basically looking for a pornstar. Anyway, P can set bars high in what us the "addicted ones" percieve and see as really a turn on and attractive.

    In my own experience, i think you need to stay away from PMO and sex, for as long as possible, 90 days being the least streak. Then maybe you will really know what's turns you on or not, or maybe a great ass was just your own standard and not P's influence.

    You said she got a great personality and is good looking, i know that , to a lot of men that's already a turn on, But we are all different and you will need to find out for yourself what REALLY turns you on, and that can be done with No PMO and No Sex for a period of at least 90 days it may help you be a little more yourself to really know what you want or prefer.
     
  10. Maverick47

    Maverick47 Fapstronaut

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    I've always liked a great ass on a woman. As far back as I can recall. I will say that perhaps the porn I've watched has probably set my standards higher, but I know that I've always like a great ass on a woman.

    I have been having sex with my girlfriend at least once a week, but if you suggest to not have sex at all until I feel I am cured I will do so. Most of the time I only do it for her. My drive isn't very much at all. Only when I have thoughts of the women I've seen in porn or women that have the body type that I desire do I get erections without looking at porn.

    I get what you're saying with wanting a porn star....maybe I do. I almost don't value a woman outside of being sexy and beautiful. Maybe "value" isn't the correct term, but I can say that first comes my attraction to them and anything else is definitely after that. I don't want to end up with a crazy bitch who happens to be incredibly attractive, but I also don't want to settle for a woman who isn't a strongly desirable and very sexually attractive woman in my eyes.

    Am I asking for too much?
    I feel like this is normal for me to want and expect...am I expecting too much from a potential wife?
     
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  11. Man08

    Man08 Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for offtopic, 475 days, wow, amazing, how do you feel now, after all this time?
     
  12. Christian Fox

    Christian Fox Fapstronaut

    If you really look for a potential wife, looks should just concern you insofar as she shouldn't be repulsive to you. Really, if you want a good relationship for life, you want someone with character. That nice ass is going to be just as ugly as any other granny's ass, but her personality won't. Get yourself a good girl, and by the age of sixty she'll be great. Get yourself an annoying one, and by forty you'll be divorced.
     
  13. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    It’s been great to have a clean conscience and sex has never been better.
     
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  14. I think you are right and you should have a woman whom is strongly desirable. I get that but the thing is for a woman to be strongly desirable its not only about the physical part, and like i said, atleast 90 days no PMO and sex would put you in a better position to understand what you want.
    In my experience, i've learned that not only the physical of the woman can make her strongly desirable, although a very important factor, her intelligence, humor, smile, her way of speaking, her personality, are strong factors that also make women strongly desirable.
    And remember that this is the real world now, its not porn where you have a multitude of asses to excite you to the ceiling, in real life, you are not expected to always be turned on, there are days that you won't have that strong libido, and you shouldn't put that on your girlfriend or wife, it just happens, its how imperfect the world is, but the P industry is feeding us with lies, like everything needs to be perfect but no. That's why when recovering from porn we experience a shift in our mentality and Perception.
    Anyway, just do that 90 days No PMO and Sex, and you will find out for yourself what suits you.
     
  15. Maverick47

    Maverick47 Fapstronaut

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    I hear you and you make some good points. My remaining question is what do you think I should do as far as the potential woman in my life. This woman is a 6-7 with a great personality. The woman I had before was a 9 with some good qualities (such as giving me uncontrollable erections consistently), but was also annoying much more often than this current girlfriend.
     
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  16. Well if i were you, i'd remain with my current girlfriend and do the 90 days No PMO and Sex, instead of breaking up now and then regret later, after that i will know if she can really excite me and this is by not only focusing on her physics but also everything about her, that is if she agreed to not have sex with me and respected it during the 90 days.

    At this point i know that you can be able to sense a change in the way your body responds to her, because it won't be all about physics but also emotions, one thing i reaally do know is that our emotions play a pivotal role in amplifying our attraction and desire of our women. At this level you will know if you really love her, or simply she wasn't meant for you so you can move on and go get those 9s, believe me there a lot of 9s i've met who have great personalities, maybe the one you had simply had her own issues.
    Anyway best of luck
     
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  17. Maverick47

    Maverick47 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man. I'll do this, but I just hate to waste her time if it doesn't workout. I'll feel bad about it. I know shes looking to get married and start a family.
     
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  18. As a woman this post disgusts me.

    You’ve got PIED because you’ve trained your brain to get off to pixels of airbrushed fake women. Instead of taking full responsibility you’re wondering if it is because she’s not hot enough?

    Go read some of the significant others journals. We ALL believe that if we were hotter our men wouldn’t have a porn problem.

    Take a good long look in the mirror. You’ve got a woman you say is attractive, she’s sexual, and wants you. But she doesn’t have a pornstars ass. Do you have a pornstars penis? Is it huge and hard all the time? Probably not. Do you have a 6pac and huge biceps? Nobody is perfect.

    You really need to do a reboot. Perhaps one day you will learn to look at women as people and not just body parts to get you off.

    Your brain needs time to heal. It’s not because she’s not hot enough. It’s because you’ve taught yourself to only get off to fake women
     
  19. DaveKing

    DaveKing Fapstronaut

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    Hi, please reconsider your words in a next post. People who come here have problems that they don't usually recognize at first, and mentioning that this person's posts disgusts you isn't helping anyone here. I understand how it may anger you as a woman, but not everyone is perfect and have been addicted to P in many ways, including his description.
     
    ReachForTheSkies likes this.
  20. I apologize if my post triggering enough negative emotions in you to respond by telling me to reconsider my next post. I stand by my original thought.
    OP is clearly in the early stages of recovery. Denial mixed in with gaslighting is not beneficial to him or his girlfriend. If he truly was not atteacred to her he wouldn’t have started dating her in the first place. He doesn’t say that she’s let herself go or gained 100lbs. He even says we’d all be crazy to think she’s not atttactive. He then goes on to say that she lacks what is most important to him. A great ass. He needs a woman with a great ass. He admits he has higher expectations because of porn.
    Instead of sugarcoating it for him and giving him a reason to justify his porn habit I asked him to take a closer look in the mirror. He says he has weak erections and instead of choosing to commit to recovery he’s blaming his PIED on her lack of an ass. That’s some serious denial and gaslighting.

    If he wants to recover there will be a lot of people cheering him on. If not, he should let this woman go so she can find a man who will be attracted to her. More than likely she’s already beating herself up thinking she’s ugly because of his lack of erections. I hope he never tells her it’s because of her ass.

    Again, sorry if you don’t like my post but sometimes hearing the other side helps.
     

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