Sex for the first time, with the rigth person, but still nervous.

Hey man, I went through something very similar to that here recently. There was a girl that I knew for a few years and she came out and told me she had very strong feelings for me. We started talking, but things were complicated like they are in your situation. Neither of us have rides, we're both busy people with work, so we just texted and stayed in touch. It started off fine for a while, texting and flirting and shit like that. I only saw her maybe once a month and that shit was just too complicated, you know?

Like you, I'd text her and tell her that I wanted to see her and hang out, but because she didn't have a ride and I didn't either, it usually didn't work out. If we did hang out it was because her best friend, which is also my friend, would pick me up and we'd all hang out. It's hard to spend time with her when she's hanging out with her best goddamn friend all day. Because of the things she told me, things like how much she liked me, how she felt a deep connection to me and that she wanted to date me seriously, I rolled with it and figured I'd see her the next weekend. We would still text and shit, but I noticed we didn't talk like we used to and things kinda sizzled out.

I messaged her one weekend saying I wanted to see her and she just ignored me. That was the last straw for me man. I waited a while to see if she'd message me and she messaged me a week later saying some completely random shit. I told her that I couldn't do it, wouldn't fucking do it and that we should just be friends. Here's the thing man. I really liked this girl. After everything she told me and getting to know her really well, I started to really like her. I thought she was so fucking adorable and sweet and warm-hearted and I wanted to seriously date her. This was more than a sexual thing, you know? I really wanted to date her seriously, but I got tired of waiting for her and being played with.

The moral of the story is I didn't deserve to be put on the back burner, and neither do you. We're both men, human beings, and we have needs and there's nothing wrong with saying that. We don't deserve to be played with in the small chance of it all happily working out. Here's what I recommend, if you haven't done it already. Message her and tell her how you really feel and tell her that you can't keep playing these games. You said you wanted to tell her in person, but that probably won't happen. I wanted to do the same, but I ended up having to do it over a fucking text. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't. If she ignores you or anything resembling that, I'd just end it all and move on.

You say that you don't believe she has any emotional power over you, but I honestly think if she messaged you and was flirting with you it would get you flustered and you'd be back in the same position you were at in the beginning. She knows that she can have control over you so she keeps you on hold in case she's lonely, bored or otherwise in a mood to just talk to you. From what I've read, nothing will ever happen between you two. It's possible, but highly unlikely. If she really wanted to be with you she would be with you. I don't mean to come off as a dick, but I honestly believe that's the case. That's what happened to me, so I ended it because I deserve better. You sound like a cool ass guy and you deserve to be happy my man.

End this shit and go out and find you a good girl that actually wants to be with you. Just my two cents. You can look at this as a learning experience. From my experience above, I learned that I'm a nice guy and have the nice guy syndrome. I recommend reading No More Mr Nice Guy. It just might change your life. It changed mine. Good luck pal.