Sex for the first time, with the rigth person, but still nervous.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by SorryWontSayIt, Apr 10, 2018.

  1. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Will consider it! :,) Thanks for all support <3 This have been both a nice and very hurtfull experience. Won't text her in a week unless she texts me. Not even sure if I will text her again unless she does. I will give myself one week to consider what I want to do.

    Part of the reason why I say consider is that I am afraid I get viewed on as creepy if I keep contacting her. And wouldn't she contact me first if she really liked me? Or should I think that she just needed time to think a bit longer?

    The reason why I think she may be unsure is because we are both moving this summer. And we don't know where we will move, if we will end up the same place or not. It may cause a long-distance relationship if we would end up together, and I think that may stop her from "wanting" to get feelings. I may be wrong with that. I was thinking the same, but I also wanted to live "now", and not wait for the later life. I wanted to be happy with her now and let the problems come later if so, if it at all became a problem.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2018
  2. but she replied though. she could have ignored your text so i don't think all is lost. wait a week, work on your self-esteem and then text her "fancy Friday(or another day)? ;)" give her a day. maximum she could say for example that she can't that day but another one
     
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  3. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Thanks and that is true! :,) She did actually send me a text after I asked her to hang out. I will give it one week, what she ends up thinking about me if we don't end up together does not really matter. Either we meet again and maybe things work out, or we don't meet and she can think what ever she wants :,)

    Good points, will give it one last chance one week from now. Hopefully she suprise me even before hehe! :)

    But should I say something like "fancy -day-" and see if she respond or should I ask her to hang out in the same text? Or wait with asking until I get a respons after the first text?










    UPDATE:

    She are now texting me again! :) I just hope she don't ignore me so much again. I know shes busy and all that, but seeing her active on social medias and ignoring my questions are a bit bad in my opinion. But maybe she just needed time to think too. Will see :) at least it is not all over :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2018
  4. Hey there. I think definitely do not ask her again to hang out. Let her ask you to hang.

    Also make sure you go and hang out with friends and other people and have a great time. If she asks what you're up to, tell her oh man I had the best time last night with my friends. Make her feel like your social life is fire and you don't need her desperately.

    She's much more likely to want to hang if she doesn't think she's your only option.
     
  5. i would say text her "fancy (insert day) ;)?" give her a specific day. obviously you are asking her out and writing fancy day? instead of writing "do you want (friday)?" or "would you like to meet sometime this week/Friday?" is much better. it shows from "fancy Friday (or another day)? that you are not needy or insecure. you know what you want. just send her 1 text "fancy (day) ;)?" she would be more willing to reply to this text if she enjoyed kissing you

    2 texts without response no, it is needy. 1 text, get to the point. I will do the same on Monday to the guy i was starting to date. a flirty text increases the chance to get a reply and a faster one. the winky ;) will let her think when you kissed her and will bring nice memories. could you tell she enjoy kissing you? Be alpha male, be sure, be confident, be positive, be smiley, be the best you and have an interesting life on your own. there is nothing better for you and it is also more attractive :)
     
  6. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Well, fuck her. I am done. She starts texting me when I stop texting her, but when I actually ask her to hang out she fucking ignores me everytime. I am done, she is messing too much with my feelings. If she even cared about me she would atleast answer.

    I will miss her a lot, because she was fucking great. She was in one way the best person I have ever meet. But at the same time she is hurting me more then anyone have ever done.

    Or is it possible to actually just ask straigth out what she wants? If she wants anything or why she is doing it? Or will I sound a bit angry?
    I just want to know... if shes unsure, not want, if she just want to be friends... I just want an answer... is it okey to actually ask if she text me again?
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2018
  7. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Well, of course. Why play games? I guess you are angry, so why do you worry about sounding angry?

    Are you sure she is that great then? What makes her so great?
     
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  8. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I am angry :\ I also think I suffer from depression which makes this a lot harder to deal with :\ I am angry because she can't just give me a straigth answer. But at the same time I don't want to sound angry, but I want an answer still :\

    She seemed like the most perfect person except the ignoring. She was so caring when we were together, she was fun, kind, we had a lot in common, she enjoyed a lot of the same as me, she had a lot of the same opinions... actually perfect... but then she starts to ignore :\ and the perfect is going away...


    Can anyone give suggestions on how to ask what she wants? And should I ask before she text me back or wait for a text?
    -I dont want to sound angry or jealous incase shes just very busy... or she just don't know what she wants. But if she don't want anymore, I would like to know. thats why i don't want to sound angry even if I am

    We have normally used snapchat to keep contact. I consider to use messanger next day and just ask her what she wants, if she wants something... I dont know. TIps?
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2018
  9. so you have to investigate why you are depressed and fix it. you can't get depressed or sad or angry for someone you dated for a month. you put too many expectations on this person you barely know and you gave her power to make you feel bad. i have the same problem, i get attached pretty easily and sad if i feel rejected from who i like. focus on you. make your life happy whether you are dating or no. i used to think i needed to date a guy to be happy. thats a huge lie. today to give you an example i had a lovely time with 2 friends at a park, laughing. that made me happy a lot. create ways to make you happy

    i understand your frustration but sometimes you don't get closure or an explanation and people stop talking to you. stop seeing her as the perfect girl you created in your mind. see the reality. she behaved as she did when with you but then ignored, texted you when she wanted later, preferring being online on social media doing her business and showing you no respect. when you asked her to hang out she ignored you

    my advice :emoji_muscle::emoji_prince: you are a King, cheer up don't take it personally. don't make another person give you value. you are amazing and worth always no matter what other people might say :) this quote helped me a lot. don't be angry. move on. be the grown up and don't let her show it got you mad her behaviour. you can't force someone to have interest in being you at all costs. better now than later if she didn't really want to be with you but you are amazing. Never forget you are good and deserves the best. I send you a hug :emoji_hugging:
    [​IMG]

    i am sorry but her no response to hanging out is a response even if it is not a nice one. she doesn't want to hang out anymore. she didn't even bother to reply to you, that is not a nice behaviour. you don't deserve to be treated like this. raise your standard and keep your head up. let it go and move on. don't waste any more time with her. delete her number, remove her from all your social media so you are not tempted to contact her or ask someone else to delete her from everything and so you don't embarass yourself. don't let anyone put you down. don't let anyone or anything stop you from being happy and being the flourishing best you:emoji_sparkles:
     
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  10. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Thanks <3 My depression started before her actually, but I guess her not wanting to be with me just made it worse after I gave it so much hope. I put in so much hope that she could fix my depression for so many reasons. It was wrong I guess, I guess I will let myself hurt for some time now, try to forget her.

    I guess you are rigth, and I have maybe painted a picture that is more perfect of her then she really is. When ever I think about her, I am ofcours thinking about the good times I had with her, not the bad ignoring part she have done to me. I guess it is because I want it to work out, but most likely it won't. Sadly.

    I have actually never been a person that falls in love with people too easy, because I use to block my feelings and just tell myself to move on before I let myself get feelings for them. This time I gave my self the chance to get feelings for the person, but I guess it was a bad timing.

    I also knew she was busy a lot, so am I. A busy person, but I would never ignore a person that much if I really liked that person. Sadly she ignored me, I guess that just tells me that shes not really that into me as I have hoped.

    The way we left off after last meeting made me really think this was going to work out. She told me she really liked me. Sadly there was no next time

    I also study for some big tests on school, when I knew I was going to spend time with her, I let myself get extra focused - because I wanted to not waste time so i could actually be with her. Now I have so many feelings going on I can't focus on anything. I just hope this won't destroy my tests.


    I guess being depressed in general is something I have to fix before I focus on a relationship.

    Maybe I am a bit stupid now too... but do you think it will be okey if she texts me back again... to actually tell her that it is obvious to both of us that I have some feelings for her, and she needs to figure out what she wants if she want to keep contact?
    (Won't text her at all ofcours unless she does maybe..) I feel stupid just for asking this again...

    Would be thankful for tips for both doing and not doing so... (not doing so I guess I just have to forget her and work on myself tho..) Also tell your opinion regarding the two tips, what you would do... but would nice with both sides..
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2018
  11. you are welcome <3 i can see so much of how i behaved and still do (i am working on myself to stop feeling so easily invalidated by guys) in what you wrote. i have learned the hard way you can't hope that someone will fix you. you are the only one able to fix yourself. i know it is not easy but seeing her beaviour lately realistically will help you to think you didn't lose anything in the end and that she really isn't this amazing. if she was this amazing, she would have been nicer to you. people can say a lot of things but you can tell if they are true if their actions match what they say

    also everyone can be busy but 20 seconds to text anyone can find it so there is no excuse. please focus on your studies. focus on achieving your goals at school, that will help you feel better quickly. block thoughts about her. hang out with friends, go for a run, walk in the park, everything that can make you feel better and trust there are so many stuff that will instantly make you feel good and smiley. Life is so beautiful :emoji_grinning:

    a video that helped me a lot. it was eye-opening especially listen around minute 1:30


    please don't text her anymore. lose all the ways for you to contact her. i am saying this for your sake. if she does text you again, ask her "wanna meet (day)?" otherwise forget about her. chasing in relationship is fine but it can become frustrating and a waste of time in my opinion after a while. it is like you are trying to chase someone that doesn't really want to be catched. a relationship should start smoothly, if you feel you are trying to make it work and put the effort and you are all doing all the work, better let go, it means she is not the right girl for you

    move on and concentrate on yourself is not bad at all :)
    [​IMG]
     
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  12. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Wow, that video really explained a lot in a very short time!

    I guess I have painted a picture of her, how I wanted things to be, but was not true. I myself, "made her perfect" with her actually being perfect to me.

    I guess I am a bit angry that things did not work out as I had hoped... and I still want it to work out... but I guess that is just me dreaming and still wanting to create the perfect.
     
  13. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    So I didn't follow the conversation anymore, but I just want to give a personal impression/opinion regarding this whole texting thing: Texting seems incredibly complicated. So much to watch out for regarding the impression you leave and so on. It is all because you might misunderstand the intonation of the words and have to use (or hide behind) sterile emoticons to replace actual gesture and facial expression. Why not just talk? You can just be yourself there (ok, of course talking on the phone doesn't allow gesture as well lol), the information you receive from the other person is a lot richer and it is all less prone to misunderstanding. If the person called is not available you can send a voice message. I don't know, texting is kind of creepy to me and I only use it for nonsensical fun with good friends or to organize stuff. I got a number of a woman yesterday and will phone her to ask her out tomorrow (wish me luck).

    Just my impression. May be something to think about. But I'm always three steps behind the state of art in technology, so...

    Other than that, I am certain you will overcome this experience @SorryWontSayIt and actually be thankful for the lessons learned.
     
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  14. yes exactly you made her in your mind perfect. she is not like that. move on, you cannot force someone to like you. don't be angry, make peace with it. make your time full, concentrate on being happy, hanging out with friends, bonding with your family. smile, go out and you will forget about her quickly, trust me. thing is don't be angry if she doesn't want to see you anymore. don't put expectations or your worth on how a person sees you and you won't be disappointed. tomorrow i will text the guy i was starting to date

    I highly recommend you to watch this clip. it is from the movie "the secret" about the law of attraction. it is true, i tested it out several times. feel good inside and good things will happen in your life
     
  15. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Thanks again! :)

    Had a very difficult start on my 2018, on other parts of my life too. The mix of everything feeling like falling a part broke me down, and I did not speak with someone. Many parts of my life was unsure I felt. And it did not help that one more part with this girl was unsure.

    I had to let it out, so I told a family member why I was not myself anymore, because people have acutally noticed that I was not my normal. I have always been happy and a person that have made other people happy, but suddenly they told me that I was holding back, looking tierd, and unhappy. So I just told them, and it felt really good. I am still a bit hurt, but things looks a lot easier now.

    Also I think she have made her mind up, we have not texted for 3 days now. Just knowing what she wants is good too, even tho it went in the "wrong direction". It is still better to know, and be able to move on, then not knowing, at least I think so.

    Again, it is really amazing to see how much "random" people can help and other "random person". It is really nice to see that even tho we don't know eachother, we still support. Thanks, I look a lot better on life, even tho I still feel a bit of pain, but I don't look at life as something that will just get worse and worse. I was actually really scared, because my friends and family really started asking me how I was, where I was, and why I was not happy anymore. Because I have always been a happy and smiling person. Lately I was just a smiling person with tears in my eyes getting held back.

    Thanks again, it really means a lot how much you all have supported me, even tho the end result was not as I had hoped. I guess I have learnt a lot, and will look back later and understand even more later! :)
     
  16. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Yes, it works, and that is awesome! :)

    Great to see you handle the situation. I hope you can remain persistent on NoFap.
     
  17. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

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    I am probably going to sound like an asshole, but here goes.

    1) You already got several answers as to why you two are not hanging out. One, she told you she is busy and you chose not to believe her, despite her spelling it out to you several times. She told you she would not be able to give you an answer to when she was going to be able to hang out again, before the week was done. You ignored this, and kept asking her out, even though she told you she could not tell you before the week had passed. By blatantly ignoring what she is telling you, she may have felt a bit disrespected and/or it made you come across as extremely needy, which is not attractive whatsoever.

    2) No one is going to fix you or your depression. No one should ever be pressured to do so. No one should ever be asked to make your life better. That is your own responsibility to make sure you are okay. No one else's. People can sense that kind of neediness and insecurity from miles away, and that most likely also turned her off. So take the advice given by others in this thread, and work on fixing yourself (therapy, maybe) before bringing anyone else into your life in a romantic way. Don't be angry with her for not wanting to be your security blanket.

    3) You've known her for one month. Meaning, you most certainly don't know anything substantial about her at all. You created a fantasy about her being a magical unicorn who would sweep you up and take away all your problems for you. You are not in love with this girl. You don't know her. At best, you're infatuated with the attention she gave you and enamored with your own fantasy. None of which is real love. Give it a couple of weeks and you'll probably forget her name.

    So my advice: let it go. She is not interested as long as you act clingy and expect her to fix you. Believe people when they tell you they're busy / not ready / not interested / whatever. Believe her actions when she ignores you - she is not into the situation right now. So back off, leave her alone, work on yourself and live your life. Maybe she will return. Maybe she won't. But stop texting her or ask her out again, as she clearly and painfully obviosuly is not into that right now. Take everything you learned from this situation and move on, champ. :)
     
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  18. josebell

    josebell Fapstronaut

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    Just make her comfortable while talking to her, let the women come to her comfortable mindset before you begin. express her your feeling, while talking and make her feel ,trust on you that your right guy for her. dont think about to have sex on same day after talking, if she is ready or give signs to do , then try to feel her with gentle touch and hold her hand and propose her/ your feelings.
     
  19. Happy to help and that you spoke with your family and you let it out and feel better! :)

    I took your advice and i spoke with my mother about this guy. I texted him. I hope he reads the text and says yes
    i would feel a bit sad if he doesn't reply though. last afternoon I texted him what i told you so "fancy (day) ;)?" but he didn't open the message, maybe coz i put a specific day after a week of silence, like i can do this day, can you on that day? too strict with one day

    so this morning i texted him again if he wanted a day during this week otherwise it is pointless i keep his number. he always read my texts before even when i was needy as hell. i am trying to be strong. today he hasn't opened whatsapp yet. i am trying to be positive though
     
  20. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Hope everything works out for you too in the end! :) It really helps talking with someone, even tho it may be hard to start a conversation about specific topics. I knew my relationship was pretty new, and we had not been "together" or dating for very long, but I still had feelings for her. I can't controll that. Also there was a lot of other "problems" or stressful parts of my life that built everything up to be a big mess. Talking made the mess a lot easier to deal with.

    In one way I would wish I spoke with my family earlier in my relationship with this girl. It would maybe be a lot easier to stay calm regarding other life situations that made me depressed and stressed. I can already feel myself being a lot more happy after the talk. It may also be because I am a lot more sure what she wants (not want), so i can at least move on. Not knowing was the worst part, even tho I still hope a little bit that she will come back for some reason. But maybe it is for the best that she don't sadly to say.

    Good luck!: )

    I understand what you mean! :)

    Was not hoping she was going to fix me, but knowing I would hang out with her made me more motivated to get work done so I could have time to actually be with her. But again, that should be done regardless of being with or without her.

    There may be diffrent reasons why she did not want to be with me anymore. I don't know why, so I won't think too much about it. There can be a million small and big reasons, and I may be totally wrong with saying it was because I was too needy. Maybe it was a whole diffrent reason. So I will just let her go, if she returns great! Then we at least can talk a bit more and understand the situation better.

    At the same time I think the timing of a relationship was terrible for us both. Both will be moving to an whole diffrent part of the county in 3 months, so maybe not starting a distance relationship is a good idea or what she wanted.

    I will just focus on myself for now, not think too much about her, because that will just make it worse for my pain to go away.
    But the tips are good to remember for later times ! hehe :) thanks.
     

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