Sex for the first time, with the rigth person, but still nervous.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by SorryWontSayIt, Apr 10, 2018.

  1. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    So I have got to know this girl, and I have really strong feelings towards her. We have been on 4 dates so far and they have all worked out great.

    For the next date she asked me over, and I will admit that I am a bit nervouse that we will end up having sex. I want to have sex with her, and I feel she is the rigth one for me. That is not the reason why I am nervouse.

    I am 22 year old and I am still a virgin, and I am afraid how she will react if I let her know and if I should let her know. I feel like she is the person that would understand, but it is not something I am too proud of, even tho it is by own choise that I am a virgin. I have always told myself that I am not going to have sex for the first time at a party or one nigth stand. I want the first time to be someone I care about, and she is.

    I am also nervous about performance. How she will react if I have "no clue" what I am doing. Ofcours I have learnt some her and there by listening and reading, but I have never done anything.

    I don't understand why I am nervous. Shes great, she is kind, shes understanding. She just wants me the best. Still I am nervous, even tho I feel she is the perfect on to do it for the first time with.

    Any tips for first timers to calm down and other tips? thanks! I know I will break everything regarding streaks, but I don't care as long as I am with the rigth person.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2018
  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    How old is she, and do you know that she is not a virgin? I don’t think many women will judge you for being a virgin at your age, I am female and I certainly would not. And if she does judge you or make fun of you, then find a woman who does not. There are plenty of women out there that will love you for you, so if she does not like it, too bad for her. Everyone is nervous the first time they have sex. While you might worry about not knowing what to do, or having ED, we worry if it will hurt, if we will get pregnant, if you will call us the next day, or if you think our body is unattractive or fat. The first time a new couple has sex as well is often awkward, and not very enjoyable. As a 40 year old woman, trust me that that sex and most sex for that matter is not anything close to what you se in porn. That’s not real life, and women don’t expect you to behave like that. What one women wants, another might not enjoy. I guess a few general tips, listen to her. If she is instructing you on how to pleasure her do as she asks, don’t be offended or upset thinking she did not like what you are doing or that you did it wrong. This I think is the number one mistake men make in bed, they don’t listen. Be gentle unless otherwise instructed. Ask her what she likes if she is not telling you. And most women do not like fast. I cannot tell you the number of men I have been with who try to replicate the speed that they use on themselves on me. Slow down. And realize this event will likely be over in a matter of minutes, but thats just it, it’s over and poof now you are no longer a virgin.
     
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  3. HumanBob

    HumanBob Fapstronaut

    New partners have to learn about each other anyway, whether they're experienced or not. No two are exactly the same.

    Hard to know whether you should let her know. I'd lean towards yes.
     
  4. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the respons!

    I am pretty sure I am going to tell her, because I feel like the girl I am looking for is a girl that will accept my choise of being a virigin until I find the rigth one.
    I am not sure if she is or not, shes 22 (so from my guess shes not) but who knows, maybe she has been waiting just like me for the rigth moment?

    Will try to stay calm, and communcate with her so I both do as she wants and for myself know better how to make her happy.

    I really feel she will be good to me and accept me, thats just the way she seem to me. Hope I am correct about that when it comes to sex too.
     
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  5. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

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    Nice to know it's still going good with the two of you. :D

    Tell her you are a virgin - otherwise, do you plan on keeping that a secret forever if you end up together for life? Honesty always, my friend.

    I had a boyfriend when I was 19 and he was a 20 year old virgin. I was completely fine with it and we didn't have sex for several months until HE was ready. Don't rush it if you don't feel ready. Just tell her and if she is half a decent person, she'll understand and respect whatever decision you make.

    And it's completely normal to feel nervous when having sex with a new person (virgin or not). Maybe just start out with some casual snuggling and some touching and whatnot. You don't have to have actual intercourse right away. Take your time. No need to be in a hurry about anything. You've only seen each other 4 times.
     
  6. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! :) Yeah it is going great! :)

    I feel ready in one way, but I guess everything is so new to me. Both being more or less in a relationship now and maybe going to have sex for my first time.

    I will tell her if we end up more then snuggeling and touching. I have always been sure to wait for the rigth person, so I will just let the meeting show if it is the rigth timing for me or not. Will do it if I feel like it when I am with her and will wait if not. As I am saying, I have always wanted to wait for the rigth person, and if shes the rigth one, she will accept me for doing it that they or not.

    Thanks for all the support you all have given me, it have helped me a lot! :) It is really amazing how kind you all are, helping me so much - a stranger! :) Looks like the world are not as bad as people say! :)
     
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  7. Right on...sex with a new person can and often is akward for a lot of people (or maybe I'm just an akward whore of a man :p). Just relax and keep and good attitude/humor going. You can let her know you don't have much experience or any and she shouldn't care.
    Sex isn't rocket science, the pieces go together fairly easily. Though sometimes it feels like you are fumbling around like a child with one of those block toys with different shapes.
    Just be curious and explorative(to a point) and you'll be fine.
     
  8. NuevaAmerican

    NuevaAmerican Fapstronaut

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    My only advice for you is: Make sure you touch her boobs.
     
  9. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly.
     
  10. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Its awkward for us ladies too.
     
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  11. Lol so I've heard...I go out with the girls on girls night in the past and its definitely come up in conversation. Just gotta acknowledge it and go with it.
     
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  12. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    You cannot lose anything by telling her. Trust me, you will feel more comfortable afterwards, and she will also know what's going on. I agree with the above users saying sex with a new partner is a little awkward, anyway.

    Moreover, have you thought about whether or not you want to tell her about your porn addiction? If yes, when do you plan to?
     
  13. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Not thougth too much regarding my NOFAP thing. Been thinking a lot more regarding losing my virginity to her etc. I know that I will tell her about my virginity since it will be easier for both of us. She will know a lot more about me, and I will most likely calm more down after it is told.

    Good point regarding having a new sex partner too! Never thougth of that. For me I won't really be nervous because shes my new sex partner, but as already told because I will most likely have sex for the first time with her. On the other hand she will most likely be a bit nervous too, since I am a new parter for her. I don't really know if she have had sex yet or if shes a virgin too. I have not had the guts to ask her if she is or not yet.

    Regarding my porn addicion, I am not sure. It really depends on how things are working out. If I see I struggle to have sex with her because of my porn addicion I may tell her. At the same time it may be because I am just nervous. But I have not had any problem to "get hard" when I am with her before when we have been snuggelig etc. So for me it seems like everything is working. I don't see her just as a sex toy too. I really enjoy being with her, and never had feelings like this before for any other women. So it is not just because I want sex, but because I really care about her.
     
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  14. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Stastically seen, chances are she is not, but of course I don't know which sort of character she is and so on... the only way to find out is to just talk to her.

    No one ever doubted that my friend. I hope it will all work out for the two of you! :)

    I just asked about that since it could be important, too, but I can fully understand this virginity thing is of a higher priority for you right now. Nevertheless I would recommend to tell her at some point, and the earlier, the better. But that's only a fellow Fapstronaut's opinion here. You decide for yourself.
     
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  15. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! :) I totally agree with you :) And as you stastically seen shes most likely not. The only reason I belive there is a small chance is because she seem to be having the same values as me regarding stuff like that. But I may be wrong, and only time will show! :) Still does not mean too much for me, and long she accept my choise of being so until I found the rigth one.

    Again thank you for the tips and to everyone else here! :) It is really helpfull and means a lot to me! :)
     
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  16. ewq

    ewq Fapstronaut

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    Well, stroke her, kiss her, compliment her. Real life sex is not even remotely similar to porn. I would recommend drinking a bit of alcohol to ease the anxiety but not too much or you'll have a limp dick. But drinking is up to you. Prolly she isn't a virgin so let her guide you and don't be afraid to ask. I would say take your time but don't take too long. Don't be too naive, life isn't like the movies. First time is never "magical" it is awkward as hell. The real magic comes later when you both are more comfortable with each other. Later the awkwardness will replace with horniness. Make sure to try different positions in the future to get some experience and read about pleasing your girl in the internet (a lot of useful information out there). But yeah, don't put too much emphasis on the penetration. Your hands and mouth are as important as your cock. Stroke her, kiss her, compliment her and don't forget to slap her ass:)
     
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  17. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    One part that I have not thougth of, sorry if it sounds stupid to ask. But how do you recommend initiate sex for the first time with a new partner (or as a virgin)?

    Does it start with talking, snuggeling, kissing that just leads to in the direction? Because I am of cours a bit afraid to push her too if she is not ready for me as a new partner or a first person. We have done a lot of snuggeling and kissing, but it have not gone longer than that so far. So how does I move it forward and really know if shes ready if the moment is rigth?

    I am also hosting a party this friday where she will come. Should I ask if she wants to stay the nigth after the party if she wants? Or should it just happen if it feels rigth? Afraid people won't leave the party before she maybe does, if she gets tierd and she leaves because there is a party still going on too. But if I am able to have her till the end of the party, how do I make her stay? And is that a great idea (ofcours, we should not get too drunk if so).
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2018
  18. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!!!!

    Be playful, start with kissing, cuddling, body rubbing, first slowly caress the hands, legs, ass, tits, kissing passionately, more passionately rubbing all over her body, ass, tits, start to rub her tits under T-shirt, rub her ass under skirt (or if she wear trousers put your put your hand in), you are still kissing passionately and at the same time under clothes rubbing her ass, thighs, SLOWLY come with your hand forward and you should feel she is already totally wet at this point, you even dont know how and the shirts are suddenly off, trousers are off, bra is off, pants are off and virginity is off :D

    This is just and example, do what you feel is right, in the moment and most importantly try to enjoying it and do not care much about the result.
     
  19. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    It could happen just like @JustinX said, but also differently.
    I don't have too much experience myself, but with my former girlfriend I did some sort of heavy petting two or three times before going for actual penetration. The first time we did under the blanket, just touching, not even seeing each other. She wanted it that slow way, and it was fine, in fact, it was my best sexual approach to a girl so far. When we were done after the first real time, she said something like: "It wasn't even that upsetting", not meaning my 'performance' (which is always a disgusting word in this context), but the act of getting penetrated in itself.

    The two other girls I slept with started off stripping down my pants quite early to give me an actual blowjob. It felt brutal and violating both times. My recommendation is to wait with oral sex until you know each other's bodies and preferences well. Don't do it just because it's common in porn.
     
  20. Just straight up put it in her butt so her only conclusion is youre a veteran who knows what he wants and whats hes doing actually maybe not take this joker's advice...prolly better to listen to @JustinX
     
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