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sex every other day

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by change_my_life, Jan 22, 2017.

  1. change_my_life

    change_my_life Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys got a couple of questions on my mind..
    1.If you had sex with 0 with your partner every other day would this slow your reboot?

    2.also having oral and 0 would this also affect the reboot? Or can this count as rewireing......

    3. I no this might sound stupid but what about if ur having sex with ur partner and ur thinking of other girls (real girls) is this relapseing?

    Please share opinions :)
    thanks..
     
  2. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    1) I think it's generally accepted that this may slow your reboot. O's deliver a powerful shot of dopamine in your brain. Abstaining from PMO is likely the fastest way to reboot. This is no right or wrong way however. Healthy sex with your partner is not discouraged.
    2) Oral sex is sex. The answer is the same as it is for question 1.
    3) Everyone's concept of relapsing is different. Fantasizing is by definition not the same as viewing porn. However, fantasizing about other girls during sex with your partner is not a healthy practice for true intimacy. Only you can judge whether your behavior constitutes a relapse. If you have set a goal to abstain from something, and then engage in it, that is what constitutes a relapse.
     
  3. change_my_life

    change_my_life Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the reply back.

    so having 0 with partner would not be a relapse so does that mean you can still reboot but it would take longer?
     
  4. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely you can still reboot. It may take a bit longer, but of course you can get there.
     
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  5. change_my_life

    change_my_life Fapstronaut

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    So i will still see the confidence boost,self asteem,motivation etc get higher as the days go up?
    Am only asking cuz am at day 17 no PMO but sex with 0 is allowed... the sex benifits has improved such as long erections no PE much better sex... but the motivation,confidance boost etc has not changed... could this just be due to am only on day 17?
    Thanks
     
  6. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    The results for everyone are different. If you are fantasizing about other people while having sex with your partner, you are not rebooted. Rebooting is about creating new, healthy neural pathways in regards to porn and masturbation. In essence, it's about changing unhealthy beliefs and behaviors into healthy ones. If you do experience positive side effects, like many do, such as an increase in confidence or motivation, then that is an added bonus, but not the purpose of reboot.
     
  7. change_my_life

    change_my_life Fapstronaut

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    So if i just restrain from PMO and MO for 90 days and jus O with partner.... reboot can still occur and rewireing can still happen?
     
  8. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Here's a link to some very good information about rebooting. I'd advise you to read as much as possible. There's also many good articles on that site about the dangers of PMO and the benefits to abstaining.
    http://yourbrainonporn.com/reboot_your_brain
     
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  9. change_my_life

    change_my_life Fapstronaut

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    Thank you
     
  10. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    I think it is unlikely that you are having really connected positive sex with your partner this fresh into an attempted reboot. It depends somewhat how severe your PMO addiction was/is as well. But you may just be feeding the dopamine addiction by using your partner as a source for dopamine hits instead of PMO.

    Yes, if you are fantasizing about other women your not really having sex with your partner, your using her body as a masturbation aid while you feed your brain dopamine by imagining porn scenarios. If you were rebooted, or on your way to being rebooted, you would be excited by your partners body and not need to replace it in your mind. Even more so you should have an emotional connection with her and be fully present during and after the sex. Also are you being honest with her? Does she know you are thinking of someone else while you have sex with her? Would you be willing to tell her this? How do you think she would feel about finding this out?

    You may want to consider abstaining from sex until you have the desire to make love to her rather then just use her for physical release and to avoid the PMO withdrawal symptoms.
     
  11. warriorforchrist

    warriorforchrist Fapstronaut

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    A proper reboot clears your mind from fantasies about others and enables you to fully focus and love your partner. This is what I believe the sex act is all about
     
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  12. change_my_life

    change_my_life Fapstronaut

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    Yes but obviously restraining from PMO and MO would give you some benefits... even tho u sugest that Oing with partner puts u back in a relapse....?

    So even if am not PMO or MO ing i aint benefiting from it at all?
     
  13. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    Yes you are benefiting from avoiding PMO and MO. Keep it up. Porn is the biggest problem for sure, but fantasy can also be a significant issue if you are creating detailed porn scenes in your mind in order to get dopamine.

    And NO, Oing with your partner is not necessarily counter productive... but it can be if you are using fantasy to achieve the O instead of being present in reality during sex. Also O's in general can slow down recovery and make it harder by causing the chaser effect.
     
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  14. change_my_life

    change_my_life Fapstronaut

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    I understand but what if your not fantasising about porn but instead of real women surely that cant affect u as bad as PMOing and MO..
    Also i understand you can get the chaser affect...but what if you dont...... are u stil recovering....just fully stayin away of PMO an MO... can you still get benefits from this?
    Thanks
     
  15. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    Porn IS made with "real women"... when you see someone being used/abused/demeaned on a tv screen, that is actually a real live person who is suffering for your pleasure... but to your point, Yes, of course, you will get benefits from avoiding PMO and MO. But I think if you are fantasizing about someone else, whether you've seen them in person or just on a screen, while you have sex with your partner then you are not fully committed to recovering and it will have a negative effect that could potentially be as bad as PMO. Our imagination is capable of producing scenes just as detailed and exciting as anything you can see on the internet. The effect on the brain is the same. Also it's not really fair to your partner unless she has consented to it. She is having sex with you assuming that it is her that you want to be with, meanwhile you are just using her body while wishing you were with someone else.
     
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  16. Mauro

    Mauro Fapstronaut

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    Hello Change My Life,

    I agree with Carbon Icon and Strength and Light regarding O'ing and the slowing progress. Obviously, unless you tell your partner about your process, stopping having sex is hard to do although it's really better than PMO.

    I recently had sex with my partner at around day 69 and I got hit with major chaser effect. Today is really better, it just faded away, but let's say that I didn't face anything that hard since my NoFap beginning.

    I think that sex is worth it though, because it reroutes your brain circuitry to consider sex as a reward instead of PMO. So the whole process may take longer but I think it's worth the detour.

    Stay strong!

    Mauro.
     
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  17. change_my_life

    change_my_life Fapstronaut

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    hey Mauro i get you man! yeah i supose but what if you cant stop but have sex in a relationship okay fair enough it will probly slow reboot but its better than PMO or MO ! So having sex onlly effected you with the chasser effect? What about like motivation low confidence and that did that effect u aswel?
     
  18. Mauro

    Mauro Fapstronaut

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    Hey change_my_life,

    Of course, having sex is slowing the process. But if you want to keep your journey to yourself for now, then you just have to do with it and keep focused a bit more until your brain makes the association of O with sex rather than M.

    Regarding my situation, I didn't have sex before I was around day 50 mostly because I was in quite a big flatline. Otherwise, when I started I just had enough of the patterns that PMO brought me, I had been doing it for a very long time by then. I was quite committed to the NoFap hardcore mode until sex was inevitable and this is what happened to me.

    About the low confidence, I had a flatline period where confidence wasn't all there but it was mostly due to depression it brought. The motivation is still there, it's only that the chaser effect gave me second thoughts, you know... What if I just do it one more time, it was so good...

    What I do now is mostly focus on the sex activity I had and what more it brought me in comparison to when I was PMO'ing. So, gives me stuff to meditate on.

    As I said in another post, since I was very committed to the NoFap, it hasn't been hard to refrain from PMO'ing since the beginning. I'd say that right now is the hardest time I'm facing with that chaser effect because I want more, but obviously won't just put my hand on my dick to give it to me as easily one can get a burger in a fast-food joint.

    So, as of now, I just work my way to not fall into the old habits and wish for the next time we have sex to be as good as it was last time.

    That being said, I think that since last sexual encounter was so good with my girlfriend, I am pretty confident that my brain is starting to associate O with the physical presence of a woman rather than a hand and a phone screen.

    As always: Stay Strong!

    Mauro.
     
  19. change_my_life

    change_my_life Fapstronaut

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    Cool so even tho u are having sex now during your reeboot do u still have the super powers ? Are u still noticing big deferences in moods? Do u feel much better than before?
     
  20. Mauro

    Mauro Fapstronaut

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    Super powers.... I can say that if we take a look at the Super powers list, I mostly can relate to most of them but not in a «super» way. I actually consider them as positive benefits but this doesn't make me a super hero, yet.

    As I mentioned, I'm at the 73rd day of NoFap and recently go out of the flatline. So perhaps, these positive benefits will increase with time, we shall see.

    I think, that I'm in a stage where these benefits are there to stay. The only thing that I have to keep an eye on is the chaser effect after having sex because of the dopamine rush, that brings back a much know good feeling, which was induced by PMO. Sometimes, I have quick flashes of my old way of thinking, I just let them pass through.

    Regarding the mood, since I'm getting out of the flatline, I still feel that I'm on the fence of whether I'm happy or sad. I could be easy to get annoyed and depressed, so I try to stay positive and keep a happy trail of thoughts rather than staying on those bad feelings. This helps to go out of the flatline. But at the same time, I try not to get overly excited if I'm happy, I just try and focus on being good in order to not give my brain material to produce to much dopamine. I'm still on my guards.

    Overall, yes I fell better and I am happy to have lived the flatline to see what the other side looks like. It lets me have something to hold on and see what's life before, during and after. And man, I wouldn't trade how I begin to feel now for a stupid session of PMO induced by a trickery of my brain during a moment of weakness.

    As always: Stay Strong!

    Mauro.
     

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