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Sex after NoFap - need as much opinions as possible

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Adopted, Dec 4, 2017.

  1. Adopted

    Adopted Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys!

    It will soon be 4 months without PMO. During my journey I met a lot of girls and gained a lot of experience. But there's one thing I still have on my mind - sex performance after NoFap?

    To be completly honest, I could not last longer than 10 minutes with my previous gf. Because of this, I was afraid of it and was thinking about it a lot which creates this vicious circle of low performance (you are afraid of it -> you are stressed -> you will most likely fail -> you are afraid next time -> and so on ...)

    I met this girl in school (we know each other for a year and we always liked each other). I guess we are currently dating (kissing, touching and all these nice words, if we have opportunity) and I think I am in love (blushing). And this woke up my deep thoughs.

    Must be said, I never felt really relaxed with my previous gf (sex with first one was generally better and longer) so I guess stress was the problem. I even had several ED because of this fear.
    Sadly, this stress is in me now and I need to get rid of it. Questions is how?

    How can I feel relaxed? How to get relaxed? I know the best thing is probably just let it be and act natural. Don't be stressed about low performance becuase it will get better in time.

    I would like to hear your experience, your thoughs and tips. I know the primary reason is stress, but I need you to open my eyes or something.

    Thanks!
     
    Fabster007 and vibemaker like this.
  2. Take deep breathes, that will help you relax. Listen to chill music.
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  3. ItalianMan

    ItalianMan Fapstronaut

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    Learn to meditate. It helps you to be in the moment and it reduces stress and anxiety. Moreover, try to talk to her about your problems, I know that it is hard but it's really useful. If she is a good girl she'll understand you and try to help you, if she's not it is better for you to know it. I said everything to my gf and when I had ED it was not a problem, she knew it so we relax and we slow down.
     
  4. Maese_Kolikuet

    Maese_Kolikuet Fapstronaut

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    I would say, there is an important part of sex that is your "performance", and there is other things on sex that has to do with intimacy, connection, etc, so try to focus more on that, share with her, be there, if you dont feel confident about the mechanics, use other parts of your body, give her pleasure, and try to connect with that, maybe if you pay more attention to that it helps you to gain confidence ... and if you dont last a lot afterwards, at least you are sure she had a great time :)

    Maybe it takes a couple of sessions until you feel confident, take it more as a game than a test ;)

    Hope it helps!
     
    Fabster007 likes this.
  5. Kurenai

    Kurenai Fapstronaut

    Speak to your GF!
     
    Warthog and Sc8r51o1n like this.
  6. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    Plus one - share and speak. You are afraid of her opinion, so manage her expectations - "I really want you and I am nervous about it, so my body plays tricks with me sometimes. (If that happens be supportive and it will go away)"

    I had kind of ED once with a beautiful girl and we both liked each other. One reason was the music was distracting me so I stopped it. Then the condom made me insensitive and I lost my erection twice.
    What made me hard again was touching her and feeling her wetness.

    So my advice is - be intimate, cuddle, kiss, touch. When you EXPERIENCE thar you are accepted as you are you will be free of stress and inhibitions.
     
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I’m female and I want you to know that most women expect you to last not long the first time we have sex with you that’s how it is. We usually are more concerned if you can’t O or have DE. If you O quick you think we are hot, if you can’t O at all from us we feel unattractive and bad in bed. Google how long the typical man lasts in bed, I think you will be surprised. Porn tells you men last forever, but in real life they don’t and if they do they have a partner counting the ceiling tiles lol. Great sex does not happen overnight. Your first time with a new partner will be awkward and probably not all that great. But you will learn what each other likes, you will get comfortable things will get better. Don’t stress so much.
     
    Kenzi and Sc8r51o1n like this.
  8. ReZen8ster

    ReZen8ster Fapstronaut

    I would agree with all the comments here. First, having sex like a pornstar is just that porn. Fake and objectified and unreal. That being said a women does want to be pleased. Women are like water and need to be warmed up before boiling. Learn how to foreplay, definitely warm her up, learn how to please her in other ways than intercourse. When you get to that point, breathing control and relaxation are important. Slow down and enjoy, breath in nose and out the mouth, don’t tighten up or hold your breath. Good luck and if you connect in an emotional and intimate way with her she’ll be happy.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  9. QUOTE "I know the best thing is probably just let it be and act natural. Don't be stressed about low performance becuase it will get better in time." ENDQUOTE
    Exactly, that's it. Don't panic!
    The first time was the shortest with my first girlfriend, after that we improved. Another girlfriend taught me, that foreplay and behaviour during the whole act are more important than the penetration and its durability.
    Just do what you like, try what she likes, if you are not sure talk to each other, this can work!
     
    GG2002 and Sc8r51o1n like this.
  10. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    Actually, what I was doing is to be very observing for her signals about what I do. Don't expect from her to be rational while she is sexual, just observe body language, moans and the moments of withdrawal.
    Talk after the session is finished, and before you fall asleep. Girls like communication after the act, and you can't be too exhausted.
     
  11. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    As a woman I would suggest to try not to over focus on her pleasure. Many men get so wrapped up in pleasing the woman that they forget to enjoy things themselves! Women want to see you feel pleasure as well. It’s a mutual thing.
     
    Sc8r51o1n likes this.
  12. jrod

    jrod Fapstronaut

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    Why is it we are so dang focused on whether we have a long-term hard erection or not? Society is so confused about what love is cause they are so focused on their sexual experiences. Past, current and future. Which is another reason divorce is so rampant today.

    Where is our confidence relied upon today? Our penis size? Our ability to orgasm till the cows come home? California redwood erections? Ensuring that our 2 or 30 second orgasm changes how we make decisions in life? Good grief.

    I found out from my mom that my grandma (WW2 generation) was married to a man who had ED and they had sex once on their wedding night and only one other time in 36 yrs of marriage till he died of cancer. She was married 3 times and outlived all 3 of them but was faithful to the end. Now most people would leave their spouse in today's world cause they are so selfish and would think it reasonable to leave someone in that situation (ED/little to no sex/unsatisfying sex).

    I personally know someone who one of her chief complaints for her leaving her husband was because he sucked at sex. I wanted to puke. No wonder she's an alcoholic. Some guys act that way towards girls and that is equally ridiculous. I want to make it clear I'm not talking about spousal abuse, cheating etc. We are talking about this sex drunk world we are in now.

    Do we really even know what good sex is anymore? I thought sex started in the kitchen? I thought sex started and ENDS with how we treat the other person we value in our lives' so much? I thought it when you could have an amazing conversation and doing activities that help us learn about how the other person is amazing? What about eon hours of how that person feels thinks about the meaning of life? What about calling your "sex experience" to be a walk in a park and enjoying the sunset together?

    What do we always feel that our night is not complete with someone unless we pop each others sexual corks?

    My mom says she remembers going out on a date with a man when she was younger and how he treated was so amazing and they talk into the late evening watching the sun set. She went on to say that had made a lasting memory and her. Further, to my complete surprise she said and I will quote her (70 yrs old now by the way) quote:

    "It's so amazing to just go out on a nice date with someone and feel all the natural sexual energy between two people and have a great time enjoying each others company and not even have to engage in anything sexual". Wow!

    I'm not against sex yo, I'm saying we are so ate up with having a awesome sexual experience...but if you truly respect and care about someone then let your penis figure itself out but don't let your values be determined by it.

    When you die and they give your eulogy will they (wife/gf/family/friends) stand-up and say "nice guy but sure had a lousy erection". He did so must good for others, brought joy into peoples lives but he sure sucked at sex".

    Come on people!

    Just some thoughts...
     
  13. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    GG2002, but I thought men weren't into pleasing a woman sexually since most of them watch porn and you said that makes them selfish in bed?
     
  14. Icandoit.

    Icandoit. Fapstronaut

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    Many people here has given very good suggestion. I am adding more here.
    The whole story I understand from this NoFap excersise is that try to behave and keep yourself normal. As porn things are not normal so it is abolishing not our sex life but also our relationships and mind.
    I can say act normal and try to take her in confidence. moreover there are some excersizes by adopting those you can resolve your this problem. You can search how to deal with ED.
     
  15. Fabster007

    Fabster007 Fapstronaut

    Great to hear the honest confession and clarity about yur sincere shortcomings to be overcomed very soon what might seem heavy hyped STRESS - like u i too had ED ,( i suppose here that u still have some minute part ED even after 4 months)- i could just tell wat simply proved miraculous in my case - u simply have to meditate 15 minutes daily - morning and evening - just stay relaxed and focus and remind yourself that ED thing of yours does'nt exist ,just try to imagine the expressions of yours afters it had gone ,the madness u have wished to experience with your MATE during all these times , her expression - just remind yurself PAL this moment that when u are having ed ,doesnt exist anymore and express yur gratitute in wildest and freakiest possible ways - just like fantasing about pmo, fantasize about that moment - i would recommend that u watch some stuff on you tube to visualize- also if u manage to get this phenomenonal book - Cupid's poisoned arrow - marnia robinson - that would just change the concept of yur issue u would not have imagined of - that too guaratees to provide u the heavenly ride with beautiful nice gf of yurs- stay relaxed - ED is really cheap issue for person who really battled PMO for 4 months- RESPECTFUL

    (Credits - me myself having overcome PIED that existed for 2.5 years )
     
  16. Fabster007

    Fabster007 Fapstronaut

  17. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I agree, I was just responding on another friend about how significantly dating has changed in my lifetime alone. People are focused on sex more, but I think that is due to the fact that they have more knowledge about sex, more people to meet and be picky about, and women have more sexual freedom. Take your Grandmother for example, in her day and age divorce was quite taboo, and women did not have sex for pleasure it was part of their wifely duties. For a wife to stand up and say my husband is bad in bed would have been met with shame and judgment. The only support she may have gotten was if she wanted children and he could not perform to give them to her. So of course sex was not overly focused on at least not by women.

    As I have said to men on here many times, you are a lot more concerned about your penis size than 99% of women are. Believe me. I am pretty sure porn has to do with that that men think they need to be so huge. You also don’t have to alast for hours, that gets boring. But sex is important to most women, quite important and I think that is where the major shift has changed and men overly focus on sex because they know that a woman expects good sex. It’s not everything but it is certainly a big thing. If you speak to anyone who was in a sexless marriage they would agree.
     

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