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Separation Anxiety

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by nephthytis, May 13, 2019.

  1. May 13, 2019 #1
    nephthytis

    nephthytis New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    I am new to this thread and have been having a lot of trouble coping lately.

    My boyfriend was in recovery for 6 months but relapsed about a month ago. When we had a content blocker on his phone, he used the computer to PMO instead (since there was no content blocker). After a million insances of him lying about his continued P usage, I decided it was best for me to have some space to rethink our relationship. This break made him realize what he was losing, so he downloaded a content blocker on his computer as well.

    Well.......about a month ago, everything went downhill again. I was browsing on our shared YouTube and noticed "burlesque" in his search terms with no videos in his watch history. I called to confirm this slip up and he promptly admitted to looking for psubs since it "wasn't as bad as real P." The fact that he deleted the video tells me that he probably wouldn't have told me about this slip up if I wouldn't have stumbled upon it.

    After this happened he wanted to downloaded accountability software. It has been working great so far and I am starting to trust him again since he genuinely hates P and is willing to pay $6 a month for accountability but I still have my doubts.

    I am about to leave for vacation for a week and have no way of tracking his PS4 usage while I'm gone. How should I handle this? Should I ask if he can limit his usage while I'm gone? Compeltely rid him of access? I don't want to mother him but I'm so afraid of another slip up happening behind my back. He promised on his grandmother's grave that he wouldn't slip up while I was gone but I'm still worried his urges might overrule him.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2019
    nephthytis, May 13, 2019
    nephthytis, May 13, 2019
    #1
    Liina and Deleted Account like this.
  2. May 13, 2019 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Oh man. I know how you feel. I have caught my boyfriend in lies involving porn and just came back from a weekend away.

    My boyfriend came up with his plan of action for the weekend away and that helped somewhat. Anxiety was still very high.

    His phone is blocked and the TV is pretty restricted so there were no technological triggers available to him. Except his work computer, which he never brings home and leaves at work.

    Just enjoy your weekend away and listen to your intuition.
     
    Deleted Account, May 13, 2019
    Deleted Account, May 13, 2019
    #2
    nephthytis likes this.
  3. May 13, 2019 #3
    nephthytis

    nephthytis New Fapstronaut

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    I'm so sorry you're dealing with a similar situation. It's so hard maintaining cool when all you can think about is possible betrayal. Do you mind me asking what his game plan was? Thank you for your reply!
     
    nephthytis, May 13, 2019
    nephthytis, May 13, 2019
    #3
  4. May 13, 2019 #4
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    I say this with total respect for your journey and situation.

    Im married 44 yr old PM addict.

    My take is, it is not my SO that I am accountable to it is myself. By being accountable to myself and disclosing if needed, that builds the trust of you the SO.
    I have an outside friend that is the person that reports go to and we meet once a week to discuss any issues, 4 weeks with no P or M in that time.
    I understand your concern and applaud your support, but I realized I had to be the one to not use, or if I did I had to own it and report it to my SO, as that terrifies me to cause more hirt, i continue to come up with hairbrained ideas to help me to not relapse.
    Good journey to you both
     
    Deleted Account, May 13, 2019
    Deleted Account, May 13, 2019
    #4
    Tao Jones and Butterfly1988 like this.
  5. May 13, 2019 #5
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    To stay busy and in communication—sharing his location indefinitely, not having the ability to delete his history, tracking on his phone and our tv, his computer from work stayed at work. He did a happy hour with coworkers on Friday and then went to his friends house until I called and he left and we spoke on the phone until he went to bed. Saturday, he bought tickets to the Pokémon movie, went to the barber shop, got his car washed, then went and visited a friend.
     
    Deleted Account, May 13, 2019
    Deleted Account, May 13, 2019
    #5
    nephthytis likes this.
  6. May 13, 2019 #6
    Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    Do you think he would be open to giving the PS4 a hiatus as well ? Does he play often ? From my experience I realized that playing the Xbox was just as much a coping mechanism that porn was . And they went hand in hand since I was a child.
    Why does the he take his PlayStation and lock it up in a box and give it to someone he trusts to hold it for him . This could symbolize him locking away his addiction.
    Without video games , which could be just a distraction from the things he could be doing to progress in his recovery . He could find other ways to fill his time. Try a new hobby ? Anything need fixed in the house or apartment ? This can be a whole new lifestyle
     
    Chefb87, May 13, 2019
    Chefb87, May 13, 2019
    #6
    nephthytis, Tao Jones and Butterfly1988 like this.

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