Sensualizing myself! I was numb for a whole decade :(

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by prjprabit, Oct 16, 2018.

  1. prjprabit

    prjprabit New Fapstronaut

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    Ever since I discovered masturbation and porn at the age of 15 I'm hooked onto it till yesterday. I'm 25 now. There were some rare occasions where I went six months or a year not doing it. But besides that, every fucking single day. EVERY SINGLE DAY! Imagine, how exhausting it could be? You know, when you're around 21 your energy is really high and masturbating doesn't do much of that affect and you really don't care too even if its affecting, so you'll never know. I was masturbating for only 10 or 15 minutes that time. But I was putting a whole lot energy and time to download porn since I wasn't having broadband back then. But once the broadband came to my house I was masturbating for a whole night literally. I was using internet just to masturbate nothing else. I wasn't even watching movies or youtube and I was barely researching things which is really important to life.

    I didn't know that I was desensualizing myself and making numb with this rushing hit of dopamine got from PMO. I gave a damn to the reality and only continued with the act of masturbating, drinking, smoking, fucking prostitute and having fun with friends which led me to forgot about my study. I wasn't going to the college unless I have exams. And to my despair, I failed a semester, OBVIOUSLY!. That was a real punch on my face from reality. After that I went to a severe depression and only after that I was a little serious about life. I started to jot down the things that's really important to life and began researching over it. I was curious on various topic from neuroscience to occult, from god to the universe. That was the time I've had discovered nofap too.

    I can say that masturbating and porn can make you so numb that you'll never find joy and happiness on other acts. And in a subconscious mind it will always kept making you sad filled with shame & guilt counter attacking your confidence. It's really vague to understand this phenomenon though. Outside with reality and with your family and friends you seems your happy but deep down your brain ain't vibrating in that frequency which really need to prosper one's life and you need to be happy in subconscious too. So no matter what you do, you could read thousands books, got A's in your certificate, got a really high paying job you'll gain nothing. You'll be still sad and which could led to really bad decisions in life. You'll only see the aftermath in a long run. There are still outrageous talented people who had achieved nothing in their life may be because they were unable to vibrate in that frequency of enthusiasm, happiness, joy, curiosity, and what not.


    And after a whole lot time now I can summon that if you really need the things you've always wanted out of you life you need to fuel your brain with feeling good and get out of that vicious cycle of numbness caused by PMO. Then you'll grow and learn. And I'm on my way to it. WISH ME LUCK!! :))
     
  2. gsherman100

    gsherman100 Fapstronaut

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    My experience is very similar to yours. Since I was 8 I’ve always known Porn existed but it wasn’t until I was 13 I began to actively watch porn on and off and I masterbated everyday. And like you when I mean everyday I mean EVERY GOD DAMN SINGLE DAY. When I turned 20 I watched and masterbated to porn every night and I am now 26 years old. I believed I was completely fucked. However since I discovered nofap and through much trial and error, as of today, I have achieved my 48th day of no PMO. This is not me bragging. My struggle is pretty much almost everyday. My point is you are not fucked. Persevere and endure and you will feel like a million bucks. Good luck.
     

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