Sense of Dread

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by evanbook03, Mar 26, 2019.

  1. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    So I'm currently starting normal mode for the first time, on day 5, and feeling extremely positive for the most part about my choice. I've struggled with compulsive sexual behaviour fed by porn for over 10 years. I've faced the fact that in order for me to kick sexually compulsive behaviour, porn has to go too. What I'm struggling with right now is a sense of dread, like I'll never feel excited or pleased again. I'm married, and want to have a healthy sex life with my wife, and I believe that to feasible, but I cannot shake this sense of dread. Is this a hump that just takes some more time to get over? Or is there something I can do?
     
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  2. Freddiefox

    Freddiefox Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the community. That is your mind messing with you and trying to get you to stay in your old ways, don't listen to it. Read, learn and start making your plan. When you have it, stick to it, do not listen to what your mind is telling you.
    Don't be afraid to ask questions, there is a lot of experience here and people willing to help.
     
  3. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    Hey, I just want to start by validating what you're feeling. That's some real shit, and I don't want you to dismiss it as just a crazy idea. It's understandable that you would feel that way.

    Having said that, recovery is possible. It's going to take a lot of hard work, patience, and honesty with yourself and with others. Take things one day at a time, and you will start to notice that you are improving.

    Yes. That's a very good way to think of it. For right now, if you're just starting out, the biggest barrier between you and your recovery is time. Take things slowly. One day at a time. Soon, you will realize that the days are stacking on top of one another, and that you are healing each and every day. Even just one day clean is a gift, and you will realize that sooner rather than later.

    This is sort of the "tough love" part of my response, but I'll be straightforward with you: there is no easy way out of this. I think we would all love it if there was just some button you could push or something you could incorporate into your routine that magically makes the addiction go away. As porn addicts, we are very used to having a quick and easy solution right at our fingertips. The thing is, recovery takes time and a lot of hard work. There's no easy way through it. There will be days that truly test who you are, but I don't want that to scare you. These tests will only make you stronger, and you will find a sense of satisfaction with yourself if you can meet your goals.

    Good luck, man! Welcome to the community. We're all cheering for you!
     
    evanbook03 likes this.
  4. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the response, it's helpful just to have to ability to express how I'm feeling to people that aren't going to dismiss what I'm going through. Last night was an extremely trying time, as it was one of the once or twice monthly nights I'm alone on duty all night, which has normally been a near 100% guarantee of some porn or sexual acting out behaviour. But made it through the whole night in no small part through reading and writing on here.
     
  5. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    That's great! Noticing those little patterns in your behavior (like that you are likely to act out on a night where you're alone) is a great habit to get into. Eventually, the awareness of those patterns will shift into anticipation of urges, and that makes them much easier to deal with.
     
    evanbook03 likes this.

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