Self sabotage.

Self-sabotage is self-preservation. It’s staying aligned to a belief or an identity that you reinforce with every thought, feeling, and action.

You could let go of porn, get better at interacting with real people, and develop your reality... so why don't you? Because that success would be inconvenient, uncomfortable, challenging, uncertain, painful, problematic, and you risk the chance of experiencing something negative. Whereas porn is comfortable, easy, and certain instant gratification.

So you convince yourself that you can't let go of porn. It's too addictive. It's society's fault. It's porn's fault. The media's fault. Other people's fault. That you're beyond help. You tell others that are battling porn addiction that it's okay that they've relapsed and thus convincing yourself that it's okay to relapse. You identify with other people who aren't letting go of porn. You build your whole life around self sabotage so that you can avoid the hardships and uncertainties of creating a new identity. A new life.

Talk to that stranger over there? Nah, I can't. I'm an addict. I only have 5 days on my nofap counter.

Try that new hobby / class / activity you've always wanted to try? Gotta wait 90 days... at least. Maybe in a few months. Oops... relapsed... gotta wait longer.

If you aren't changing your life around, maybe you don't actually hate porn.... maybe you actually love porn / your current identity and all the comfort and ease that it brings.

I want a better life, but I can't because I have a porn problem = I love my porn problem because it helps me avoid having to work towards a better life.

To anyone that wants to say......... "but I have a legit porn addiction....".... Okay, keep telling yourself that. Keep preserving that identity / belief / life / safe bubble that you've created. Keep self sabotaging. Keep blaming other things and other people. Stay addicted. Keep always wanting a better life.

 

Maybe it doesn't give love or meaning back, but it does give safety / comfort / instant gratification. Whereas that isn't guaranteed in a real relationship.

So it comes back to... should I do something that might not work and it makes me feel anxious / scared / challenged.... or should I invest in porn that will release all that tension however much I want and whenever I want?

Relationships = vulnerability / adversity / uncertainty.

Porn = control. Being addicted to control.

 

In my opinion, losing control is just something that people convince themselves of. Self sabotage.

I can't control it..................... I can't stop......

What that really means is that they couldn't face the hardships of reality in the past so they escaped into porn and conditioned themselves to be unable to handle difficulty. Letting go of porn and facing the reality that they've neglected is what losing control really means. Maintaining control means sticking with porn... sticking with the belief that they're addicted... reinforcing their identity of being unable to stop. They kind of want a better life, but not really.