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Self imposed computer use limitations

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Road to freedom, May 19, 2019.

  1. Road to freedom

    Road to freedom Fapstronaut

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    As I wrote elsewhere, I use several hard methods to limit my temptation. I have accountability software installed, I use a feature phone with no internet connection, all devices are protected by a password which I asked my spouse not to share with me, and I do not (and can not) use the computer when I'm alone. Needless to say, all of this did not prevent me from relapsing in the past. When the urge is strong, the addiction finds every little way to work around limitations.
    Right now, I have been unemployed for a very long time. I worked several years on a job that was paying well, compared with the fact I never had any formal training or a degree. Since I was fired, I found it hard to find a job which would pay a bit more than the bare minimum, everything alse demands some papers or skills I don't have.
    Now, my spouse might loose her job as well (a family business), nothing is certain yet.
    She suggested that we study together one of the computer proffessions which has high demand. Besides having a natural aversion to any kind of formal study, in the past, even in the few times I did concider it, one of the main reasons I chose not to study was my awareness of my addiction, and the fact that you must have a personal computer for study. Especially if your study has to do with computers and technology. I did not want to find myself with an unlimited access to porn.
    Of course, now I use a computer with accountability software, but I used to work around it and cheat myself, so I prefer it turned off when I'm alone.
    So, I understand this is just another limitation caused by my addiction. But I don't want to tempt it. Even if I study together with my spouse, who can promise I could still manage the way I'm today (never using the pc alone, and no smartphone).
    I also don't want to do something (study) just because I have no choice. Besides the matter of addiction, I have other aversions, such as being part of the herd, of the tech world which has nothing to do with me, and feeling it something I will be forced to do, not a choice.
    The bottom line is: How did you manage such a situation with regard to the addiction?
    Is it even a good idea with the limitations I have?
     
  2. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Watching the thread and plan to come back to it, but frankly it's ultimately a matter of controlling your own mind rather than the external system, which has to do with the nature of automation.

    A related concept just to mention for now is the idea of behavior architecture. There are things you can do to minimize the temptation. The Vietnam vets that quit heroin when they got back was in a different environment that didn't support the addiction.
     
    properWood likes this.
  3. I use many of the same tools to help me keep on the path, but at the end of the day it comes down to what you want. You can always find a way to circumvent a block if you want to. But why would you want to do that? You have 90 days -- don't do anything to undo all of the hard work. It sounds like you have a great opportunity to work together with your wife on building something fun and unique together. Grab those moments, invest in your relationship with her, and don't let PMO continue to rob your of your life.

    I left all computers and phones for a couple years when I first started to fight against PMO. I was also very tentative and trepidatious when I first sat behind a computer again. It is wise to be concerned and not to trust yourself. Be up front about this with her, and let her know your concerns. Together, you can find a way through. Now I am at the computer all day every day, and it does not trouble me as it once did. As long as I remain vigilant -- one day at a time.

    Best of luck to you!
     
  4. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Just want to add a little bit: When I read some of the posts I think of that line from Fight Club where Tyler says he sees some of the smartest people of the generation.. And I'm not trying to be positive and up, the fact that you can bypass all the software and hardware security measures shows that. More to the point, it shows an ability to think systematically - and this is huge I think. The idea of designing the environment systematically would apply not only to the space, but time. I guess it's not necessarily a surprise this element is missing since computer systems are basically on all the time, whereas natural and biological systems have cycles. Women have monthly cycles. We all have circadian cycles. This is why at least a few people are keen on sleep even on here now, but there's more that can be done if we really get into it.

    I don't want to write more than people are interested in reading, but of course my main point is the people are smart enough to do this, there just has to be a recognition of how our biological system is different. I like to say instead of thinking of the one day at a time slogan as just kind of don't look too far ahead and get overwhelmed with life situations such as financial stability, actually study and look at the temporal structure of the day, as it influences our biology and as it interacts with our environment. This is the native system we were born with before this kind of cyborg relationship with sexuality started, it just makes sense to start there in dealing with our relationship to technological systems which has a very different nature and is of course tricky to manage, even without porn. Instead, many of us have our attention almost exclusively on the technological systems and have almost no real working knowledge of the natural system of our body and its processes.
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  5. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    Yes, exactly! They got social connection, real social connection, not ‘social media’.

    To OP, is there a way that you can go in a class room with other people to learn a new computer skill? This has two advantages:

    1. Connect with people, removal of triggering factors.

    2. You won’t be at your own computer, but a public one, so you can retrain a bit easier.

    Good luck!
     
  6. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Just to point out, as most types of addicts we likely isolate socially, or the socialization is mediated by tech even with a forum like this where the intention is recovery. It's good to remember that is a bottleneck. Say you're having a meal with your spouse and of course having a conversation while eating, you have 3 streams going on - biochemical information in the form of food, symbolic linguistic information which may be fairly in depth about, say, an issue like this new career path, and social information in terms of the emotional content, non-verbal cues and so forth. This is actually a much richer way to relate than just typing words on a screen. We have the benefit of accessing a large number of people in an online community, but the real-life "bandwidth" so to speak is quite limited.

    And you never know if there may be a connection with some unknown interest with in person meetings, it's taken me a long time to appreciate that. We are imprisoned by our assumptions maybe with some misanthropic tendencies filtering it to the point we never even go to an event in person, that bias needs to be recognized and challenged.
     
    Road to freedom and properWood like this.
  7. Road to freedom

    Road to freedom Fapstronaut

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    Thanks everyone for all the insights. I agree that some of the "anti" sentiment comes together with the isolation of addiction, also from social phobia and aversion to any changes. And exposing myself to new persons can be beneficial.
    Also, it's obvious that if I decide this is something I want, then I can decide this is a positive challenge, and PMO is not an option in any case. Obviously, there are ways to ensure I wont be tempted more than need be.
    Nothing is yet conclusive with the whole idea, as my spouse has not lost her job, we still can not be sure if she will.

    Edit: + for the part about intelligence which I used to cheat myself, and can be used positively!
     
  8. Road to freedom

    Road to freedom Fapstronaut

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    Coming back to this thread, since the issue might be more relevant now.
    My partner is probably leaving her job, though there is always the possibility they will hire her again on different terms.
    I finally started working, there are advantages, but not exactly what I wanted - working on reception, etc.
    I also realize now that probably I will have to study to get something better, despite my aversion to it.
    And in my country, almost the only fields where you can get a decent salary are computer related (though my previous jobs were on a computer anyway).
    As I mentioned, I have two fears: Doing something I didn't really choose, but was sort of thrust on me, and being tempted (what if I have to use the computer alone? what if I have to get a smartphone for work?)
    I understand this is just another form I was controlled by the addiction. But I'm so uncertain. I never had enough clean time, had relapses. But probably need to do some changes, otherwise I'm going to stay at low grade jobs at 40 and 50. So, this is not only for the money, but to feel better, though I don't like the idea of being defined by my job. Also, I need money to take care of myself when old, also to help my parents who are getting older. Me and my partner don't want children, but we want to help animals and existing children somehow, I also donate to non profits. And we really like to travel.
    But, besides the fear of change and uncertainty, I am so afraid of slipping back into the sewers of addiction. I still have slips. I'm still having fantasies. I know it's one day at a time. But should I tempt myself?
     
  9. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Welcome back. I can understand your concerns, the one thought I have is don't underestimate the value of social connection. It is common now to equate the ability to accomplish everything with money, but people who are insiders may be able to give you ideas about how to deal with things related to their expertise. For example you probably could connect someone with a used/refurbished computer for far less money than someone who is under the impression they just have to go to the store and buy a new one.

    I do hear you as far as feeling better and doing the things you want to do in life though. Helping animals may actually be helpful to PM recovery in an indirect way though, that kind of nurturing instinct rather than lust and craving. If you have to contribute to non profits in non-monetary ways it is still a contribution.

    In general, I would just remind you not only to study for a better job in tech, but study yourself and human nature as well. This connects to the first point about the value of connection with people who have other kinds of expertise because you need to connect with them socially. With aging medical costs are obviously a concern, but imagine that you know someone in medicine - that can obviously help a lot whereas someone who is in a good place financially without that kind of connection can remain forever ignorant about what can really help. Try to focus on these aspects of people and get to know them, certainly it is more valuable than porn and fantasy.
     
    user10111 and Road to freedom like this.
  10. Road to freedom

    Road to freedom Fapstronaut

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    @Awedouble Thanks for writing back! I understand what you are saying. Even if I study for a job, not to neglect the study on how to be a better person. This is something I'm trying to do with reading philosophy etc. This is more important than having money, though I need it to survive. So I will go on bettering myself, and see what the future will bring. Not being angry or bitter at people, even if I don't like what they say, since this is what they know.
     

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