Self consciousness

It's such a hard thing to address in a healthy way. On one hand, if the pain comes from the idea that "I'm not desirable," the antidote would be seeking out desire/lust. But both issues--the problem and the supposed solution--come from putting too much of our worth in our sex appeal.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be desired by a partner, of course. But something has gone wrong if that desire falters in any way, and we respond by concluding that we are worthless.

I think the healthiest answer I would give to this question would be "anything that you can do just for you." @Sadgirl, you mentioned pole dancing, and particularly that you didn't tell your husband about it. I imagine that's huge for you--doing something that makes you feel sexy in your body, in a way that has nothing to do with external validation.

I would say any amount of self-care that makes a woman feel better about herself--physically or otherwise--will result in her feeling better about her body. Even if it isn't related to her physicality at all, it will help. I can't say this for certain, but I imagine if a woman treated herself to a spa day, or sat down with a good book over coffee, or anything else she'd enjoy doing just for her--then she's likely to walk away feeling at least a little better about herself, body and all.

I hesitate to say "exercise", because so much of that is done out of a mentality of lack: "I need a better butt / I need to lose the fat around here and here / I want my legs to look like [insert porn star's name here]'s", etc. That kind of attitude won't do much for body confidence. But I do think if a woman works out, the endorphins and the sense of accomplishment will make her feel better about herself.

In the end, as long as it's about her lifting herself up, as opposed to chasing some unrealistic standard (which is probably someone else's standard, anyway), I think it's healthy.

 

First let me say that if I learned my SO was taking pole dancing, I'd be nothing but happy. It's sexy and what a hell of a workout.

I think women should workout regularly (men too). Not for aesthetic reasons but the mental ones. It build your inner strength. When I can get two more pullups out of a set, I'm like "F**k yeah! Jason Bourne muthafuckas!" Maidenly other shit seems ridiculously easy because that was the hardest thing I did all day. To quote the gym rats: "Exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant." It gives you confidence in your mind and your body. It gets the endorphins going as SuperFan points out. It removes toxins. It improves focus. It's like sex--there any real negatives to it.

Confidence is also sexy. A woman comfortable in her body is always one I want to sleep with. It's sexy. Confidence comes from accepting yourself.

I think it also helps for women to understand the whole Beauty Myrh. If you haven't I strongly recommend reading The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0014H32D0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

In my opinion it should required reading for men and women. Understanding how this beauty image works is essential to defeating it.
Another reason I like pole dancing is b/c it teaches your body control and you're engaging in something that is sexy. Any activity like that helps: salsa dancing, belly dancing, hula hooping, even a little private strip teas for the SO could help build body confidence. Maybe have a good photographer do a boudoir photo shoot and give him the pics for anniversary present??? (Would love to get that...). Or pinup. Love me some pin ups.

I think clothes can help. Wear clothes that emphasize your best assets. I'm not talking provactiv just fashionable. A well dressed person is more confident. Same with hair makeup. Image doesn't end just with your body--approach it holistically.

And lastly, it helps to realize that we love you and aren't as critical as you think. Yes, we love your tits but mostly b/c of how they make us feel. When I'm in bed with my SO I'm not thinking about wrinkles or stretch marks or her waist size--I'm thinking about how good she feels and how good she makes me feel. I'm thinking how hot she looks lying on my bed wiith her hair falling all around and (deleted due to explicit content ).

 

Men use mouth words.. Tell women many things... Maybe make them feel better.

 

Semen of Demon speak truth. Celebration of woman's sexuality great honor. Bring spirits together. Woman have great power when spirit strong and fear gone.

 

Ha Ha. Seriously dudes, I'm pretty sure @Sadgirl was only looking for advice from the female PAs...ummKay

 

um.... maybe a connoisseur of porn women.... which is like being a connoisseur of MacDonalds food. me thinks you give him too much credit there...

has he said those same sorts of hurtful things since he's been PMO free? could those earlier statements have been his porn brain talking?

 

This is so offensive! Or more like just sad. Like I can't imagine how I'd feel after hearing that! I'm sorry, that is just so hurtful.

 

A woman after my very heart.

 

Female SOs, you mean? If you're gonna reprimand us, you at least have to get it right.

 

My husband didn't seem to really get how I felt until he stopped either. I have tried to figure out why this is, and what I came up with was that he wasn't feeling *anything*. He was emotionally stunted (for several reasons, stemming from childhood) and so he didn't allow himself to feel joy or hurt, he blocked it all out. Once he allowed those feelings in, he started feeling emotions, some of them for the first time. Then he could feel empathy and that is when he realized how much this hurt me.

 

Wait a sec...if you're the only woman he's been with then he has 0 qualifications as a "connoisseur of women." It's like saying I'm an exotic car expert because I read car magazines but have only driven one car. My point being that some of his comments come from a place of little experience so you should probably just not pay them much mind. But I know he's your SO it still hurts.

I mean, (to continue the analogy) he's obviously got a Ferrari. Why would he need to look at/drive any other car?

 

Fantasy wins when experience is in short supply.