SEEKING FEEDBACK: Women's-only section?

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Alexander, Dec 31, 2016.

  1. Alexander

    Alexander Fapstronaut
    Staff Member Founder

    We're thinking about creating a women's only section.
    • Should we create a women's only section?
    • If so, which section or sections should be there?
    • Should this journal area be included?
    • Should it be hidden to male users, or should men be able to read and not post?
     
  2. TheRealMe333

    TheRealMe333 Guest

    WILL DEFS HELP THE MALES TO HIDE IT
     
  3. Tesslynne

    Tesslynne Guest

    Personally, I'd rather if you go this route that it is like a duplicate, but it's woman only, rather than make what's on here now hidden from guys. Like for e.g. have a women's section that mean CAN see and comment on. And also a women's section that men CAN'T see and comment on. Mostly because let me see now..(a) For the men here,...for some of us whether porn or P subs....the way we viewed the opposite sex doing THAT was not in a healthy, balanced way. I think it's nice for them to now see that yes, we women go through this too and to encourage and support each other....as EQUALS. Cos some of those P and Psubs create a real imbalance can be in either or both directions. (b) There's NOT as many women in here. Really. I looked through the success stories, and out of 30 plus pages, there are literally about 6 success stories by women, as far as I can see. So, what I mean is, it's NICE to GET that feedback and encouragement on our journals, but as there are significantly more men than women here at NoFap, to cut our journals and things off, we're likely to get less of that. I have some people "following" me both male and female and I know this is hardly facebook :) but I think on both sides it would be a shame to lose that. I think for us women, remember, I said about imbalances? For me, and maybe for some of the other women, it is nice again those comments show us relating to each other as equal and some of us have seen a very hypersexual version of men through our porn or psubs, and I feel that being able to have that openness and honesty with each other, again, it's big steps away from that.
    Anyway, that's how I feel about it.

    I DO appreciate the wonderful NoFap community and all that goes into it and I thank you SO MUCH!

    And for all you do to make us females - a minority here in terms of ratio-wise - feel welcome. I DO appreciate that a ton.

    But, personally, I'd rather either the woman's section stays as it is OR there is a duplicate new private area where if we want to move our journals there or make new ones that only women can read we have that facility but we don't HAVE to use it.
     
  4. SpaderPlayer

    SpaderPlayer Fapstronaut

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    I agree, there aren't that many women on here. I personally like this current set up. I feel comfortable talking about some aspects with all of the community (relapse chances, overall porn effects) and others only with women to analyze how it's different for us sometimes.

    I think more section divisions within the women's section will leave certain section dead with very few responses. I think men seeing but not commenting is fine. Most people have been respectful so far, and seem to really try to learn from others. Hiding that section would create more division between gender than necessary imo.
     
  5. hueY300

    hueY300 Fapstronaut

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    As a hetero-sexual male, reading some of the posts in the women's section is like a P-sub to me. Please make it hidden as an option.
     
  6. Tornadowinds

    Tornadowinds Guest

    I believe a woman section only that is hidden is a fantastic idea, as well as a male only hidden section. Maybe not changing how it is set up now but just adding the option to actually have hidden forums all-women or all-men. I think having those options for both male and female should be there. I think knowing males can be actively involved in the women section hinders other women from opening up and sharing. It took me a while (almost 5 months I guess) to start up a journal and get involved in the nofap forums for that very reason. We should at least have that option. I think giving women that option would allow more to come forward instead of hiding in the background. Reading the previous male perspectives, I think what they have to say about it is just as important.... P-sub. That isn't the first time that has been said in regards to the woman reboot forum.

    A newcomer section for only women that can't be seen by males would be great. That way we can safely introduce ourselves and explain our situation and why we are here without triggering males (and it happens) or inviting unwelcomed private messages. And yes a journal area should be included. Men being able to read and just not comment would not really help since my issue is not with the commenting, but with the being able to read. Also, perhaps the women would be more supportive of one another if they were not to focused on their male nofappers. Finding a female AP is not as easy because those I asked preferred male AP's, and male AP's do not work for me. It is also just a subsitute right now as is. So I welcome any changes that allow more female support and privacy within our own gender.
     
  7. oversexedsami

    oversexedsami Fapstronaut

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    I agree with every single point made here Tesslynne :)
     
    hazak and (deleted member) like this.
  8. Notmandy

    Notmandy Fapstronaut

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    Love that honesty, bro!
     
  9. Notmandy

    Notmandy Fapstronaut

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    I think in this unique environment, it's difficult to set those boundaries in an effort to help create understanding. I love the Women in Reboot section, and I have enjoyed the thoughtful input from the male participants of this site; obviously, there has been the issue of those who don't respect the site and take advantage of our vulnerability, and so I would like a safe place for that.

    1) If you put "women only", I think that tends to do the opposite of what it's purpose is, for men and for women. It creates locker room talk and I personally believe that does more harm than good.
    2) I think it's pretty vague to have only "Women in Reboot" and so many other forums that can be male dominant. For example, we should have forums where women can talk about their sexual struggles and not feel preyed upon.
    3) I want a reboot challenge made by women, for women!!!! It would be so much more encouraging to walk with sisters through this process.
    4) It's a tough call because once you start dividing, the purpose of the site loses value. Maybe disabling the comments for male fapstronauts or provide people the option to disable the comments on their postings...
     
  10. Tesslynne

    Tesslynne Guest

    I think provide the OPTION to disable them, rather than disabling them, if that route is taken.
     
  11. SMK

    SMK Guest

    I wont beat around the bushes.
    Just remember the following points.

    1. If there is only women then there should be only men area too

    2. Or you can do 3 sections- men area,women area & open to all.

    3. Reading must be open to all but commenting or replying should depend upon the journal owner.

    4. Plz don't forget to act Democratically when you make the final decision.It's the most important.
     
  12. Alexander

    Alexander Fapstronaut
    Staff Member Founder

    1. Yes, this is something that we have been considering.

    3. How would commenting or replying be in charge of an individual journal owner? Do they just post it into the appropriate section - all, men-only, female-only?

    4. This isn't a democracy, it is a private organization. But clearly by posting this thread we are soliciting user feedback and care about what everybody thinks.
     
  13. SMK

    SMK Guest

    3. Like in youtube. U must hv seen there that uploader can restrict the commenting option.
    Wat I want that suppose there is a fapstronaut who want privacy with the journal. So, at least there should be an option to control who can just view & who is allowed to post.

    Hope u got my point.
     
  14. jtmony08

    jtmony08 Fapstronaut

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    No. You don't need a "women only" section. If anything, you could expand the section by age. Our challenges differ for sure by age and gender, but I don't believe segregating genders will be ideal. For example, I recentlyvisited the women in reboot section and it helped me understand 1) women are just as vulnerable to this addition as men, 2) our relationships are impacted in similar manners, and 3) our struggles in recovery/reboot are the same. We can help and support each other regardless of the gender. Now that I think about it, I never really paid attention to the gender of the person responding to my post. I simply appreciated each encouraging word.
     
  15. Silvester stallone

    Silvester stallone Fapstronaut

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    Will NoFap really cure my physical weakness!!?.Man....it really takes a piece of yourself everytime we fap.
     
    A leaf likes this.
  16. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    Maybe this is an old thread that just happened to bubble up.

    I'm a guy, so maybe my input doesn't matter.

    1. I don't think it's helpful to have a mens only section. However, I can see how having a women's only section could be helpful. Personally I find reading the women's post, and offering a male perspective, and offering hope a good thing. I would miss being able to connect with the women if that wasn't available. (It also helps me to normalize the idea of people, instead of women vs. men). I don't think the women's section is a P-sub, but I do see how some of the men attempting reboot here might take any exposure from the opposite gender, and attribute it as sexual.

    Again, I think it's harmful if men retreated into their own forum. I believe one of the most important component of a healing journey in NoFap is honesty. Addressing sensitivity issues and opening dialog about sex is very liberating, and can help drop the shame, guilt, and hiding aspects. For men, I think this is absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, my experience with women in my life, I know they face struggles that men don't. It may be helpful for women to have a place to be absolutely assured that they won't be exposed to any kind of challenges from male perspectives, and to feel free to discuss their own biology.

    So for 'mens only'... absolutely not. 'Womens only', guess might help some that have arrived here out of victimization. Still it may help those women to see others discuss in the forums and receive sympathy and support from both sides.

    I know those aren't mutually exclusive options. You can have both an open and closed forum for women. It's my understanding that there is a Significant Others private group for helping recovery from relationships with addicts. As a leader of social group myself that contains over 400 members (not related to sexual health), I've often found it best not to try to control the members, but as a channel for their wishes. Can always allow the ladies to create one, and see where it goes. They will be able to choose for themselves. (and it will either get used or not).
     
  17. Sister

    Sister Fapstronaut

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    I would much rather prefer a women's only section and to have it disabled for males because sometimes it isn't comfortable talking about personal girl stuff with guys reading and responding. I don't like that...
     
  18. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    Instead of making a whole section men/women only can there be increased options when creating a thread and let the OP decide? For instance, when you create a conversation there is an option to prevent comments from being added but no options like that exists for threads.

    Maybe there can be an option (men/women/all) for who can view the thread with ALL being the default.
    And maybe a second option (men/women/all) for who can comment with ALL being the default.

    It's not easy finding the right balance between community and privacy, and I respect @alexander efforts for making a home where everyone feels safe and welcome
    . Since everyone has an opinion then maybe they can express it by choosing on a thread by thread basis the level of privacy they desire.
     
  19. Yes please make a section just for women to see.
     
    One Strong Girl likes this.
  20. Personally, I feel make 3 categories

    1. Males only
    2. Women only
    3. Irrespective of gender

    The reason why we are here is to gain control of ourselves, liberate ourselves from the slavery of our minds which pushes us into pornography, masturbation or orgasm. Having said that, I strongly believe if we discuss this issue more openly it would be better. Once completing our terms with gaining control, if we segregate ourselves according to genders we would be more intrigued to know the other ends.

    By creating 3 categories we can have better ways to get what we want. If a person with his/her own ideal choice wants to seek support from fellow genders or be associated with irrespective of the genders then can choose accordingly as per their own needs.

    As per my opinion, Good contents which are beneficial for everyone can be shared in Irrespective of gender section or in males only or females only.

    In my personal opinion if you are thinking to create this platform in categorized way, fellow genders should be aware of the problems of opposite genders too, this would bring harmony and better understanding in an outside world. This way people after recovering won't find it difficult to familiarize themselves with the problems other genders face. To me it personally brings a shackle to my mind when I think about it or rather an intriguing thought comes to my mind to explore the unknown.

    Our main motive is not to bring division in society, our main motive is to bring harmony among fellow genders.

    P.S. If you are planning to create such categories, adding Transgenders only section wouldn't be a bad idea either, Even they might have some specific troubles which they go through which we are not aware of just like males or females.

    According to my observation on this website the need of such topic arises when One gender is seeking for a companion in NoFap and other genders starts interact, which then becomes a problem. For an example I saw a post in finding partnership for NoFap, a woman had posted to have a partner, which then was also opened as well as replied by other genders (males) and then it had become a problem for that woman.

    Such kind of areas should be restricted according to the choice of a user. You may add an option for every user to have their content be hidden from the opposite gender this way we can solve the need of this topic. We would better be able to have what we want according to a customized choice.
     

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