seeking 40's UK guy(s) for mutual support in rebooting

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by timetochange45uk, Aug 9, 2017.

  1. timetochange45uk

    timetochange45uk Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I'm 45, just starting to really appreciate I have a problem.

    I shy away from sex with my wife, I struggle to cum from sex anymore and have to finish by hand. It's depressing.

    I find my eye is constantly checking out females, I struggle to see women as "people" and more as sexual objects I fear.

    I watched "naked attraction" the TV show and found myself thinking all the female contestants were lacking in attraction, this scared me, THEY ARE NORMAL and considered attractive by the audience and others, This showed me how warped my view of "normal" bodies has become as a result of porn.

    I've been a porn user since the internet came into being. I recall having normal sex to completion until a few years after, by which time I'd discovered internet porn and perhaps already developed a few times a week habit of PMO to it. From then on I started to find I couldnt "finish" with a girl any more.
    I put it down to nerves and then being tired and then stress and any and all reasons.

    For several years I was single. This didnt help at all with my habit.

    I now realise things have become very bad.

    I cant cum in a woman.
    I find my brain thinks "ooh you could have a little session of PMO" the moment I find myself in the house alone with opportunity. I dont every time of course but far too often.

    I want to not only fancy my wife but lust after her again. I want to get more mentally turned on by her. I fear although I "function" in sex apart from the not cumming, that its probably down to the physical sensations and not anywhere near enough due to visual and mental turn on. This side I fear is hugely diminished by my PMO habit.

    I'm going to try and stop using porn fullstop. I think I will try to stop MO too, although think to be realistic this is likely to have lapses so, I shall not beat myself up if once a week I do maybe, but not to P !

    Is there anyone else in the UK who finds themselves sounding like me?
    It would be good to have a buddy to lean on and help in return.
     
    cheshirelife51 likes this.
  2. TalkingScum

    TalkingScum Fapstronaut

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    I'm mid 30's, addiction origins at or before adolescence, married, and also trying to put 100% into changing myself so that porn addiction doesn't define me and my thoughts.

    I'm also in the Euro-Zone.

    How would you like to do the communication? I currently have 1-on-1 with another fellow in Google hangouts, but also have whatsapp or discord.

    I would like to have a group, with more discussions, sharing, support , and motivation. I feel that more people analysing themselves to help others is extremely therapeutic in their recovery. Plus, sharing what works for them may help or inspire others find their own or other coping techniques.
     
    cheshirelife51 likes this.
  3. timetochange45uk

    timetochange45uk Fapstronaut

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    Hi.
    I use whatsapp, I like that idea. Its very quick and easy and could be useful for those moments of pressure.
    Thanks for your reply. I'm just off to bed having resisted today :) despite the family being away and being in the house alone. Hope you are doing well too.
     
  4. cheshirelife51

    cheshirelife51 Fapstronaut

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    Hello,
    I'd be happy to do that. 51/m/Cheshire. I sound SO like you it's unreal! I'd like to keep in touch on WhatsApp or similar and would prefer it if you were straight, as our experiences are more likely to be similar, I think.
    Regards,
    Steve
     
  5. timetochange45uk

    timetochange45uk Fapstronaut

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    Hi TalkingScum and Cheshire Life,

    Firstly, sorry, really. You both took the time and effort to reply and I have been pretty slack in getting back on here and responding.

    On reflection I think perhaps I'm more a "go it alone" kind of guy so apps and messaging probably not great for me. But, popping back on here for a boost from time to time and trying to help others is fine.

    Well, I'm 67 days in according to my signature block. :) That's great. I have NOT used porn at all since then. I have MO on a number of occasions, but purely to my imaginations and with mental effort to think of real life people rather than replay porn I'd seen.
    In the first couple of weeks I did turn to MO a bit much, but it was hard going, my family were away but I was stuck here working and alone when home. But I resisted the Porn.
    I had a couple of weeks of shifts meaning when I was home so were the family, which helps, but then I was pleased to find about a month in that when I was here alone I managed to resist.
    I then planned a holiday for myself spending a few days doing so then went away a week so that occupied me and kept me away from what is perhaps largely urges triggered by seeking to counteract boredom or kill time.

    Anyway, the results are perhaps showing already!
    I did seem to have a few weeks where I just wasn't really feeling the urge or horniness, perhaps that was the "flatline" people refer too.
    On holiday, I did enjoy a little MO but without porn and I avoided the temptation of hunting for available porn substitutes or real world abnormal encounters shall we say !

    This week I had sex with the wife for the first time in weeks, yes weeks go by because I guess with us both being constantly shatterred from work and with it having become a long drawn out ultimately unsuccessful effort for me, I guess the drive to initiate had died and we were sufferring from that big time.
    It worked. I got from zero to cumming in missionary without resorting to quitting and finishing by my own hand. It didnt take ages. I really think sensation has improved and certainly the level of stimulation needed to feel I'm "getting there" or to push me over the edge is reduced.
    Fingers crossed it's not a one off and the sign of things changing. If so then thats good as it's not taken long to see a change.

    I still feel the risk. I'm here in the house alone now, the thought I could play immediately crossed my mind as I walked into the empty house. That's bad isnt it, that my brain can do that, that the habit/urge drives you such. LOL and I moan at the kids for their first thought when they have spare time being "can I go on my ipad" over ANYTHING else they have !

    Perhaps this is the "chaser effect", I had sex and a great Orgasm, now I want more. I will avoid porn today. Avoiding finding myself surfing the facebook photos of friends of friends who caught my eye liking something is a risk. I should avoid screen and accost the wife later ! Focus on that. Better still, do some work then get off screens.


    Anyway,

    How's it going for you guys? I hope you are managing to resist and even if you've lapsed still finding the strength to restart and fight on. Updates welcome brothers.

    Time4change
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2017
  6. cheshirelife51

    cheshirelife51 Fapstronaut

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    Can offer WhatsApp support. Send me your number if interested.
     
  7. TalkingScum

    TalkingScum Fapstronaut

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    Everyone sounds really dedicated to recovery and would like to create a group with more ppl like you all, but I'm limited to Google Hangouts due to the issues with other messaging apps have a p-sub possibility.
     
  8. cheshirelife51

    cheshirelife51 Fapstronaut

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    I'm happy to try Google Hangouts.
     
    TalkingScum likes this.

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