Scared of my sissy / "fem" fantasies & Transgender-OCD / HOCD

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Zamyou, Oct 13, 2018.

  1. Zamyou

    Zamyou Fapstronaut

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    So like i mentioned in a post before, im on day 74 now on noFap and 12days into no P because of some peeks and couple of edgings...
    I've had Trans-OCD / HOCD from 2011-2014 and now it came back 3 months ago..
    There's been a small part of me with submissive fantasies since i was 10-12 but that was very minor.. mainly ive been into vanilla straight stuff in porn and especially in real life i only like women sexually and romantically.. still do..

    I've been using porn for 15 years... However, i feel lately im losing myself to weird fantasies that feel intrusive and i dont know what is porn addiction, what is OCD and if some of it is real... i wouldnt care if i only had them occasionally like before but it feels now i dont get properly aroused by vanilla stuff anymore and easier hard to weird stuff.. this never was the case...
    My OCD fears are there throughout the day and i question if those intrusive thoughts are real or not... (read about TOCD / HOCD if you dont know what it is)
    I truly hope this is temporary because i feel im losing myself and im scared...

    I hope the booting will help along some therapy...
     
  2. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    Why do you "feel" scared about it? Look at me, I have been addicted to this stuff since my earlier 20s and I do not think in black and white. It is every man for himself out there. I live in my own world out there. And every time someone talks to me when they introduce themselves to me I think to myself that phrase, "are you talking to me."? I just stay in my own world. Good luck on your journey, it seems like you have reached your 74 goal.
     
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  3. Zamyou

    Zamyou Fapstronaut

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    Well because i feel hijacked by it... i feel im changing as a person and that i will get used to it and like it... i dont want this shit! I hope its just my OCD obsessing over some weird fantasy and that im not actually turning into something more and more...
     
  4. Maybe focus on rebooting than worry about what you have been into recently. Once you've finished rebooting you can look at your sexuality. A mental health nurse once told me that there's no point in treating the mental health condition until the addiction is gone. NoFap is the best way, therefore, to determine in your Trans-OCD and HCOD are part of who you actually are or just a side effect of your addiction.
     
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  5. Zamyou

    Zamyou Fapstronaut

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    Oh shit you think those thoughts are whom i am, really? I really hope its just OCD and that im not actually trans... i cannot focus, i thought i was okay before... my brain has lied to me...

    Thanks tho!
     
  6. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    It's pretty clear that this is all porn induced. Get along streak of nofap. Lots of people of come on here and said that that OCD and hocd crap goes away after they've stayed away from porn long enough.
     
    VeganRights likes this.
  7. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

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    I've been into this type of porn. It messes with your head. Don't do it, it isn't worth it
     
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  8. Possibly, but my point is there is no point worrying about it whilst you are addicted. Reboot first, then figure stuff out.
     
  9. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    NO. The tran/fem/tocd/hocd stuff is a recent development, almost certainly due to PMO.

    Get a long streak going and this will probably fade. HOWEVER: since you went into this with OCD, you should read this:

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/exposure-therapy-hocd
     
    aliceal likes this.
  10. Zamyou

    Zamyou Fapstronaut

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    Thanks to all of you ! Ive been having a hard time lately..
    I'll read that article thoroughly when i can, i peeked on it and it seemed to include things i didnt know about!
     
  11. Zamyou

    Zamyou Fapstronaut

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    After reading that article i feel enlightened..
    I had no idea how the role of anxiety and fear played a role in porn but now when i think about it, my strongest arousals to fetish stuff has been under TOCD / HOCD... in absence of the intense fear and anxiety i have, ive noticed these related fetish thoughts get noticeably weaker and less prevalent...

    I'm on day 75 of no MO / PMO but have peeked at P at times and edged one time and fantasize about stuff as a testing ritual always every day... i see some results during this streak but i can see how my old rituals might still be delaying the process...only this past 2 weeks have i been without P completely!

    Thanks guys!
     
    Immature likes this.
  12. Zamyou

    Zamyou Fapstronaut

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    So im starting to get hardons more frequently towards women again, which is great !
    But i still have these weird arousals when i test in my head if i get aroused by the fetish... but havent peeked at P or MOed etc...
    Idk if i might always have the propensity to get aroused by this shit.. but i sure as hell dont feel like myself like 4 months ago...

    I hope it'll get even better!
     
    TimeToQuitNow likes this.
  13. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    Keep affirming your intention in your disgust for these unhealthy fantasies, your brain and nervous system will catch on - just keep telling yourself no to these fantasies. You can choose not to let it control you, nothing to fear.
     
    TimeToQuitNow likes this.
  14. Zamyou

    Zamyou Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man!
    Yeah i wont relapse or peek at this shit... although its tempting for sure... its not worth it... 15 years have gone to waste thx to P... i want to change
     
    Tiger uppercut! likes this.
  15. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Join the groups "Recovering from Sissy Porn" and "Confused Sexualities"
     
  16. Ash.k

    Ash.k Fapstronaut

    Hey there :) that sounds really confusing and i can feel it in your words there, as i read this and now writing back to you im wondering about what it is your really scared of ? It feels like its challenging your own perception of yourself, and perhaps your social identity, but only you can know this. But i wonder if there is a way you can allow these fantasies to play thru your mind in a non sexual way, and also in a way that can be neutral and relaxed, perhaps this will help your mind to release the fear and anxiety that they are causing for you
     

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