Scared and confused

So I am on 147 days no pmo, I have a preporn fetish that I've had my whole life. My sexual thoughts have basically always been absent of sex. I truly love my fetish and it has been the hardest thing I've ever given up. I really wish I could go back on these forums to meet people with the same kink.. it's rare but there are many out there. I think it's quite an innocent fetish but most people would not be willing to engage in it. Over the past few weeks I've written several success stories on pied and women attraction. I had a girl I've been friends with for years grab my face and start making out then asked me to sleep with her, she was my friends ex and I was afraid of pied also so I didn't, she is very attractive too.. you're typical hot chick. Today I was acting very stupid and started clicking on hashtags that were suggestive and wound up looking at pics briefly of my fetish. I didn't touch myself or watch videos really or anything but I feel like an idiot, I went almost half a year without this shit and made so much progress. I now feel like I undid a lot of it and can't get my mind off my fetish. I know there are women out there that share this kink but the only way I'll find one is online I feel trapped and scared I don't know what to do