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Saving Yourself for Marriage?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Jan 14, 2018.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    But how would you know? Sure you are with the wrong person but most PMO addicts will not be honest with you about their addiction. So how would you know? You can’t.
     
  2. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    Well, as of right now I have got my sex drive under control for the most part. When I was a teenager there's just no way I could have stopped desiring sex/seeking sex. I just barely got this under control and I am in my mid 20s. It wasn't long ago when I was demanding sex from my GF 5 times a day(lasting an hour) until she was in pain.

    I know this from experience, I live in a highly religious area and many people just hook up with anyone even if they're not compatible and they rush into marriage simply because they want to bang it out(even if it's some random girl they met in high school). You can tell they're miserable together and they end up with children and it's a mess. It makes more sense to me to bang it out first and not let your desires cloud your judgement/choices. I'd like to be "intimate" with the person before I marry them.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Very good point. If you rush to marry to have sex, you won’t know what you have when the lust runs out.
     
  4. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    Correct! Also, I don't agree with being promiscuous either. I definitely think people should hold off on sex until they find someone they actually care about. If you care about someone even though you're not married, then by all means... press play.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  5. I would hope that before a couple gets in bed they would have a level of emotional intimacy, where each person is vulnerable and can share what’s on their heart. I would hope that a porn addict would be honest... going that deep into a relationship without being honest about such things is emotional abuse imo.

    And porn addiction can have many symptoms. Lack of motivation, depression, etc that can be observed by anybody (although most symptoms are not specific to porn addicts)
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    So would I, but that’s just not reality. You know what addicts are awesome at? Lying and deceiving. To the point that they are even lying and deceiving themselves. I was just reading a thread on here about addicts asking if marriage cured their PMO addiction, and on the tread were several addicts that never told their spouses and continued to PMO and they are not in the minority by any means. One always hopes that once you are deep in a relationship that the person will be honest, but an addict will not.

    Then there are the addicts that legit do not even know they are addicts. It’s not like alcohol or cocaine, people generally know those are addictive even when in denial of their own addiction. People don’t presume porn is addictive the majority have no clue. So certainly they are not going to tell a partner they are addicted to porn if they themselves don’t know that. And women may ask about porn use, but again absent those on NoFap most are not going to ask if the person is a porn addict, why would they? And if the person has never had sex before, they also would not know they were going to suffer from PIED.

    An addict is going to lie to you. The symptoms of porn addiction. Even if present can always be explained away by some other cause. A ton of people that are not porn addicts suffer from depression. YOu would not know the person had a low drive, because you are not having sex. Lack of motivation? Can you say that 80% of young people today have that.

    Look I am 40, and I am well educated with a doctorate degree. I have dated my entire life. I read three newspapers a day, and that does not include online reading. I had heard of people having porn addiction, but I thought of it more like sex addiction, it was not all that common. I had never heard of PIED. I had no issues with porn use among my exes. If I had never had sex pre marriage I would have NEVER thought to ask if my ex was an addict. It was only his inability to perform in bed, and finding NoFap that taught me that.

    I think the chances of you finding out about a porn addiction unless an addict tells you (which is very unlikely) pre marriage is slim to none. Do you know how you know an addict is lying? When he opens how mouth. I do think young women need to be educated about PMO addiction and need to ask these questions.
     
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  7. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

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    I have incredible respect for women who are saving themselves for marriage.

    I however haven't waited for marriage.

    EDIT:

    Watched the video. The whole people bullying people for waiting for marriage is so awful. Seems kinda pathological to me.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2018
  8. That’s harsh
     
  9. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    But true.
     
  10. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Didn't watch the video. However if the girl I'm trying to be with now wanted to wait for marriage, I'd be ok with that. People always say you can't know if you really want to be with someone unless you have had sex with them. I don't believe that. I think if you really love someone then the sex will come naturally and will be just fine even if it takes some time and practice.
     
    Kris456 likes this.
  11. I couldn’t make it past 15 seconds of that annoying girl in the video. However I am saving myself for marriage if that ever happens.
     
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  12. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    You may not believe that but ask women stuck in marriages with men with PIED. The sex does not come naturally no matter how much love there is.
     
  13. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Your right. I should correct that by saying that I'm only referring to myself. Im 18 a virgin and have had my porn addiction under control for a year now. And also Im only speculating because I've never had sex. But I think that I would be just fine sexually even if I get married first. Not at all something I foresee happening, but I like to think that it could and this would be a good thing to say to someone I love and be able to mean it.
     
  14. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Sure but thats not something you can know for certain. The couples that you see that stay together despite not having pre marital sex are usually also quite religous, aka the Duggar family. Religious people strongly oppose divorce (most of them do at least those that are religous enough to stay virgins) so they will not get divorced no matter what. Even if the sex was horrible, they would stay, and the women in those relationships are also schooled that sex is for the man and they are to be subservient to him. MOdern day women (the majority) want to have great sex. This is true even if she is a virgin when she marries. I have several friends that were, and they still know the sex with their husband is horrible, and long for something more. So modern day women are different. Even in the 80s and 80s, women were not as open about their sexual needs in a marriage, but today they are and certainly those in your generation.
     
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  15. I believe that if you O less often than once per 3 or 4 months, that can actually be physiologically harmful.
     
  16. So the only people we should believe in this forum is the SO since every other post is a lie?
     
  17. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I'm not at all religious and the girl Im in love with is not particularly religious either. I doubt we will wait until marriage but I think its romantic to tell her that I would be willing to so she knows I like her for her and not just sex. But I doubt this will happen and she will probably communicate her sexual needs long before marriage.
     
  18. Agreed.
    I don’t really understand why you would need to need to have have sex to know. Surely if
    You find each other attractive
    You are passionate
    And you are willing to learn and experiment
    Then you would have great sex with your spouse.
     
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  19. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    If only this was true.
     
  20. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Obviously it's situational and you can't know for sure, but it's not impossible. I've never been in one, but I think a successful relationship is so much more than just the physical stuff. If you really love someone and are dedicated to them it seems natural that sex would likely be just fine. And if it's not, communication and effort to adapt could fix it. Maybe I'm dead wrong here and again I don't have a lot of experience, but if I love a girl for who she is, I wouldn't mind if she's not that great at sex. It's not permanent but I wouldn't even foresee an initial problem. But if we are in love I just don't see how being physically intimate would be an issue.
     
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