These are huge realizations-thank you for sharing them! My husband too realizes that he was a jerk. That he used being upset with me as an excuse to pmo. That he would pmo to "get back at me". That he neglected me and that pmo was the cause of his depressive symptoms. I am glad that he has had these realizations. I am haunted by him saying "I don't want to remember what I thought back then" about his PMO girls (and subsequently refusing to tell me his thought process). Also haunted by him saying "I told you the truth amd loom what happened" when I cried after he admitted that for years he didn't find me attractive. He refuses to admit that the reason he found my unattractive was because he was enthralled with P and I didn't provide the perfection or variety he liked. Instead he says "I didn't find you attractive because I was depressed". Well he certainly found P attractive at that time. *whew* thanks for the venting space!