It is always so great to hear from you @SuperFan , thanks as always for sharing your thoughts. Yeah that pretty much sums it up. I think it would be the same with a therapeutic disclosure and my husband as well-I think he would only tell at that point what he felt comfortable or safe telling me at that time with more info being given to me if and when he felt ready. For any PAs reading this, please know that a staggered disclosure is hell for a SO. When you disclose, GET IT ALL OUT once. Write a letter if you have to. Get all the down and dirty and shameful things out so that you and your spouse can be at ground zero together and heal from the ground up together. Tell her WHATEVER she needs to know and then don't change your story. My husband disclosed to me in early July. I was livid. And hurt. And so sad. But I accessed resources and started to heal. Started to feel hope. But I knew he was still lying. Then in August, another disclosure came and ripped apart the healing that I had started to do. It took me to an even lower place than I was at from the first disclosure. Once I collected myself I started the healing process again. It was so hard, but I had no choice. Then in October came another disclosure- delivered to me while I was in the parking lot waiting for my son to be finished with his martial arts. Now that parking lot is a trigger and I have a panic attack twice a week when I am there. Because that was the worst disclosure because he had lied to me repeatedly just an hour before saying that I "knew everything". Again, I started healing from a place that was even more ravaged than from the first disclosure in July. But I stuck with it. Then came another horrible disclosure just a few days ago and a few smaller ones after that. Every disclosure I not only have to deal with wrapping my head and heart around his past behaviors that he finally admitted to, but I have to deal with the near constant lying that has happened in the past 5 months. I have to wrap my head around the fact that he continues to protect himself and not his marriage vows. That whatever he has done is so heinous that he doesn't want to admit it to me and even himself. That he plays word games and lies to himself so he doesn't feel like he is lying to me. Now I have no trust in him and I doubt I ever will. His lying has torn our relationship to shreds and I just don't have the strength to care anymore. I need to move on. How, I have no clue. When I have no clue. But my heart is done with this man. PAs love your wife enough to tell her all the truth ONCE and only once. So she can decide for herself, just like you decided for yourself every time you cheated on her with your heart or even just your eyes.