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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Swedish, Oct 12, 2018.
How do you manage to get through sadness? Or the feelings of being empty inside.
You have to man up. You have to think to yourself I’m a man, and I don’t let the world tear me down, even if I have to be the last man standing on this earth I’ll hold firm and stay solid mentally.
So that’s your way to cope with feelings of sadness? How has it gone? Do you use that mentality often?
I just do things I like. I watch YouTube videos that I enjoy, eat something, exercise, okay video games, watch TV, come on here and talking to people is a big thing and has taken the place of all my porn viewing.
Yes whenever I start feeling down and hopeless and sad, I tell myself I am a man, and I won’t be a whiny bitch. Others have been through much worse in life and don’t break down.
There are men doing life in prison in solitary confinement and they don’t break down, we sure as hell don’t have to.
But the thing about to ”be a man” and compare to how others has it, a way to minimise or ignore the feelings that you have? That your feelings ain’t worth having because of your situation, that it’s better than others. Like not dealing with the problem, just tell yourself that you shouldn’t have the feelings?
Prisoners sure do break down, do you think you are in touch with your feelings when in a prison?
What do you want to be in touch with? You’re here because you are already in touch with a problem. Your porn and masturbation habits are out of control and is making you ( as well as all of us) suffer in every other aspect of life. That’s what’s bothering you.
So tighten up and keep working towards being off PMO for a longer period of time, and have a relationship with a real woman, and do better in other aspects of life.
To be in touch with my feelings.
What feelings? We all get happy or sad or mad, your excessive porn and masturbation is causing you to have more unpleasant sad feelings. So you know what you have to do.
When telling yourself to ”man up” and not be a which bitch you neglect your own feelings of ex sadness or being empty inside. Or the aspect to compare with others having it tough, that doesn’t make your own feelings less worth.
So what do you want to do? Sit down and sulk and cry and ask why am I sad?? You can not be a universally happy person, do you understand? Do things you like, stay on here, avoid porn and masturbation, try to get a girlfriend. That’s it.
a couple weeks of a nofap streak usually minimizes these types of sad feelings for me, and discuss what puts me in a sad mood, landlord may have raised the rent one month or another month i realized ive been single forever, what ever saddens me i discuss it
How could you move on and cope with your feelings if you dont ask yourself why you have them? I will do the advices you give ex do things I like ez. but I dont agree with your mentality or attitude towards sadness.
Do more of what you like and you’ll feel better
Okay, that sounds reasonable. who do you talk to, a friend of yours?
i talk to my grandma hah ha she can actually be a good friend
@Swedish, you're getting terrible advice here. The way to deal with depression isn't to chastise yourself for being a "whiny bitch". If you don't deal with the root causes of your depression, you can't beat it. Ignoring it or pretending you can just "man up" is foolish and wrong. Please don't listen to that advice. Take it from an expert. I've tried it both ways, and I know what works and what doesn't.
@Swedish I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling sad/empty. It is a horrible feeling to have.
I agree with @The Eleven ... no expert on depression or low mood is going to suggest to "man up"... that said, everyone is slightly different so what works for someone may not work for another... and by your response I think you already know a little bit about what will work for you.
Also it can manifest from a number of different issues, it could be because of a situation you are in, it could be because of something that has happened to you, it could be your internal dialogue, ineffective thinking, or all of these things... these are questions you need to ask yourself because they often need a different method of treatment...
Generally, and has most proven results, is just making a conscious effort to look after yourself; eat better, sleep better, meditate, exercise, don't smoke or drink too much if at all... be social.. of course talking about what's going on is also a good thing too, no good will come from bottling things up or pushing issues aside, it's exactly what pmo does for people who use it as a coping mechanism...
There should be good resource websites in your area - look them up, will probably give you better advice than anyone here can!
In Australia, the best ones are:
But if it is advice you are after, what has the biggest immediate impact on my mood, is meditation, getting enough sleep, waking up early, catching up with some friends, and doing something outdoors.
All the best! It gets better..
Why so sad?
I read all the posts in this thread and I'm still confused why you are sad. It's hard for anyone to give meaningful advice without more information. You should definitely exercise, eat right, get enough sleep and all the other good stuff that's good for everyone. However, although that might help it may not get to the root of the problem.
If you really don't know why you are sad and/or if it is truly major depression then you should see a professional. Like a psychologist. Feel better buddy.
You can learn A LOT about yourself, being content with the present and letting go by doing a free months trial with headspace, doing two or more foundation meditations a day and then doing the Self Esteem pack, it may sound wrong but dont do the Sadness pack
Just remember to unsubscribe/cancel or you'll be billed at the end for another month
Other good apps, Insight Timer, Calm, Simple Habit
Wysa is a good free CBT app with a sort of AI that can talk to you and help
You can learn to be much less reactive to thoughts and feelings
A lot of sadness can be generated simply wishing things were different than they currently are, meditation, mindfulness and the guidance of a good teacher can help you let go of that unproductive craving EVEN while moving with discipline and contentedness towards your goals
Ps: headspace also has a cravings pack for addiction