Rock Bottom: Flatlining, PAWS, and Permanent Physical Damage...

***TW: Graphic Language***

Look, this is not a story about getting "superpowers!" after 7 days of nofap. This is a serious post - and it's ugly, ugly stuff. Just letting you know well in advance - so I can say with a clean conscious that you were warned.

Still here? OK. Here we go:

There's a 50/50 chance I completely destroyed my functioning penis.

Began with prone pre-teen years. Around 24 I seemingly death-grip-popped something in my shaft. A bump from what looked to be a popped vein appeared when erect - but no serious pain, so I ignored it (insanely dumb, right?). Now in my early thirties. A couple years back I believe I finally injured the hardware (no lotion, probably death grip). Soreness ensued for a few days. But yet, I M'd "around" the injury. I don't think I ever recovered.

It wasn't a problem until it became a big problem. What's that ol' sayin' about "boiling the frog"?

It finally got to a point where I had health problems. I was pretty miserable and worried. IBS symptoms. Lower back (kidney) pain. Foamy piss. Waking up multiple times at night to piss. Misery from having sore junk. Obviously just fucked up my whole life - oh right, and most of this isn't from PMO - just M with and a graphic imagination.

Since last August, I've probably M'd a total of 20 times - and edged quite a few as well.

But in the past 36 days, I haven't M'd whatsover. It's no longer my choice. Because of my crotch discomfort, my body is now making this decision for me.

A few months after slowing down on M, I started experiencing what I believe to be PAWS (i.e., "flatlining") . Some days are better than others (knock on wood), but the worse of the symptoms are: short-term memory loss, afternoon dizziness, and flu-like feelings (too much sleep, utter exhaustion all the time, plus tingly, unsettled limbs). This went on pretty hardcore for three months. Returns every now and then - varying in degree and intensity.

I'm at a point, whenever I'm holding water, the shaft of my cock is agitated and sore (my stream is nothing to write home about either). Even popping a bone makes me sore too.

I saw a urologist in the past with not much luck so I'm going again soon.

But the jury is in and the verdict says I'm out. Done forever. I haven't M'd in 36 days and hoping 36 days ago was the last time I ever M.

My healing - and a huge part of my life - is finally out of my hands (ikr, very punny). It's now up to the universe.

Funny how that works, right? For years, I wanted a life with no M whatsoever...and looks like I got what I asked for.

So all in all, let that be a lesson to you. If you were right next to me. I'd put my hand on your shoulder, look you square in the eye, and say

"Stop this. Or you'll fuck your life up...Forever."

One last note:

I suspect there is a "shadow group" of folks like me - those who're concerned they physically, permanently, damaged / injured their hardware - but haven't posted because it's so embarrassing. It makes a lot of sense because the constant nagging of crotch pain is a much more compelling reason to reach out than, well, anything else (like "superpowers!").

If you experienced injuries or something like this, please feel free to share you story.

I still have a killer life ahead of me and whatnot, but I am anxious to know if I'll heal. I know no one has THE answer. So I spose only time will tell...

ps if you skimmed down here the tldr is yes I've seen a doctor and no I don't M anymore lol