Mindy, you are a most precious daughter of God, and the fact that you feel bad about relapsing is a proof that the Holy Spirit exists and that He is working on your heart! God truly exists and He wants to get through to you! I know how it feels to relapse (just done it yesterday again), but the Lord wants to be in your life and He has not given up on you! I really recommend that you read the little book "Steps to Christ" (http://pdf.amazingdiscoveries.org/eBooks/EGWhite/StepsToChrist.pdf). It has been helpful to many people in their Christian walk, including me. Don't give up Mindy - God loves you and He would never give up on you!