Road to CHANGE- Mindy’s Journal

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Mindy, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Fapstronaut

    I've always thought of sin as a dissonance between who we want to be and what we do. If our behavior doesn't align with our true identity, then it is sin. That definition works for secular and religious folks, with the real difference being that by revelation we know our true identity as children of God and all that entails, rather than blindly groping alone to put together a personal philosophy.

    Some religions teach that it is what you do (or don't do) that gets you into heaven, others that it is what you believe. But to me I think it's about who you become.

    I remember once coming across two quotes about sin that really imacted me deeply. One is "“Sin is the result of deep and unmet needs.” (Spencer W. Kimball) and the other is that "most sins are the results of being selfish" (I don't remember who said this one). I have found that trying to eliminate selfishness and focusing on others helps immensely. On the other hand I have found that when there is a difference between my behavior and my ideals, that if I look carefully I will often identify where I have not been taking care of myself and trying to full fill emotional and mental needs in ultimately unfulfilling and harmful ways.

    As for all sins being equally bad, I don't know that I've ever thought that. Those which hurt others are obviously worse than those which only hurt yourself. In fact at one of the Addiction Recovery meetings I went to once, one older man who had been struggling with PMO for more than 5 decades shared a powerful thought his Bishop told him (which I think applies to you @Mindy ) If everybody in the world had your same morals, would the world be a better place? For all your faults, there would be no stealing, no murder, etc.etc. Then you are already on the right path. The trick is to continue!

    One final thought - I think the better people are and the closer they are to who they want to be, then the more painfully they feel the gap between who they are and who they want to be. Such healthy guilt is a major motivation, compared to the world shame that only cares if one is "one of the cool kids" or not. Shame often keeps us from fixing problems because we are more concerned with covering them, while guilt motivates us to do better no matter what.
     
  2. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    So deep. I’m going to have to reread this thought a few times to fully grasp the ideas. I love this kind of stuff though- thinking in different ways, deeper ways. Thanks!
     
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  3. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Holy cow, this was nice! I'll have to reread it over and over. Woah, that's some mad stuff right there.
     
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  4. tet2vd

    tet2vd Fapstronaut

    @Tannhauser this is some incredibly thought-provoking stuff you've shared. I'm glad I stumbled across your post tonight because I've been working through a similar train of thought, but without the clarity that your post seems to have provided me. I think I'll be reflecting on your post a bit more as we approach the new year.

    @Mindy Hi, it's been a while since I've been on here interacting with others in the NoFap community, but just wanted to let you know I'm sorry to hear that you relapsed recently. That being said, I read the post you had about social media being addicting and totally agree with you there! In the months I've been away, I have had a problem giving too much of my time to social media and even slightly developed an addiction to watching movies too often haha. I don't know if it's something you would be willing to try, but maybe you could try a site blocker extension to your search engine for P? Currently I'll freely admit my own-self discipline has been lacking and that I needed a little help/a little push to keep at NoFap so I've been using a site blocker, along with filtering out adult web content on my iPhone which helps! Apple also has this thing called Downtime on their iPhones now which has helped remind me to stay off the social media for most of the day to allow me to be more productive and not replace one addiction for another. Not sure what phone you may have, but just a thought!

    That being said, Happy new year to you and @Tannhauser and everyone else on this thread!
     
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  5. StraightEdge3616

    StraightEdge3616 Fapstronaut

    @Mindy hope you are doing well. Haven't been on this site in months and I know we used to communicate back in forth via messages but ultimately I never heard from you on occasions. Miss our talks, keep staying strong!
     
  6. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    I’m so sorry. I haven’t been the best at replying. It’s difficult because I haven’t had a computer for awhile now so I only use this site on my phone. I do want to continue contact. I’m still stuck where I’ve always been and would love to help each other.
     
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  7. StraightEdge3616

    StraightEdge3616 Fapstronaut

    Great Mindy! Sorry didn't mean to guilt trip you...just missed our conversations and felt it helped me a lot. I'm open to other communication ways besides messaging on here! Just shoot me a PM if you really are interested. Don't mean to bother you!
     
  8. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    That's a very basic understanding of sin. It's what was taught to me as well... but when I read more theological books and books from the early church fathers and Christians I was shown something completely different.

    The issue with this view is it doesn't really explain as to why God would create a tree for Adam to eat from that would break his commandment, it also doesn't take in account why Christ had to die on the cross for us to be saved if it was just a matter of following commandments.

    What sin actually is, is a distortion of an image. It is trying to aim for the mark but missing it. When we were originally created, there were two very important aspects in how we were created. The first being, is that we were created in God's image, the second is we were created from the breath of God. This means that we were created perfect with God dwelling in us via the Holy Spirit. When God told Adam that if he ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil that he would surely die, God wasn't just saying this to give Adam an obedience exercise. He was warning Adam of the consequence of what would happen. When Adam ate of that fruit, he took on knowledge that he wasn't ready for. God had intended Adam to eventually eat from that tree, but only after he had matured spiritually. Him and Eve were still as children, and they took in information which they weren't ready for. That information took over their whole being and consumed them... it literally distorted their image and changed it from the image of God. Anything that is not in the image of God eventually dies because that is the natural state of anything that is not God. Immortality is only a quality of God.

    This leads us to Christ, who ultimately come to earth to restore the image of man to reunite it to the image of God. This would not have been possible if God had not become man.

    To wrap up with large babbling, when we continue to fall into sin, we are distorting our image more and more which eventually will make us not recognize God when we stand before him on the day of final judgment.

    Luckily though, God loves us beyond our comprehension. If we continually struggle against our desires, even if we're failing miserable at it... He will always forgive us when we ask, but also give us what we need to overcome our desires.
     
  9. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    This is a cool perspective. One question though- i thought Adam and Eve could not progress in the garden? So like it doesn’t make sense to me that they needed to progress spiritually a little more before taking the fruit because I thought maybe progression of any sort wasn’t an option.
    This conversation on sin is a good reminder to me that I REALLY need to spend more time in gods word and at church. My spiritual knowledge has been dwindling
     
  10. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    God created all his beings to grow spiritually in Him. Even angels. This is simply because God's love is unfathomable and ineffable, that the only way it can be shared with creation is to grow in it. I would even say that the cherubim and seraphim were the first created beings, hence they are the highest rank and the closest to God.

    This would also explain why the devil fell from glory, is because he ceased to grow in God, and wanted to become god himself.
     
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  11. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    Hey all!
    So good news- I am finishing up day 8! I feel really good too.
    I noticed recently that the source of my stress has shifted. Instead of always stressing about PMO and feeling like I’m never clean or forgiven and that I’m damned, my focus has now shifted to “I need to pray more, read more, pay attention at church more.” I feel like this is huge progress for me because I’ve always let PMO destroy my self confidence and my confidence in my relationship with God, but not anymore. I know it’s Satan that tries to get me to feel like I’m the worst sinner and never enough. He doesn’t have as much of a hold on me anymore though. I’m happy that the things that I’m concerned about now are about improving on good things instead of stopping bad things. Of course, I still think about PMO and how to prevent it from happening and how to change for the better, but it’s just not bringing me down anymore. I feel a sense of freedom!
     
  12. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Wow, this is so spiritual and refreshing! I can definitely see the difference between worrying about the evil that brings you down compared to worrying about good things to improve on.

    Congratulates on Day 8!
     
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  13. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    This is a good step, shift your focus from your temptation and sin, to Christ. You can only find rest in him.
     
  14. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    Approaching 2 weeks... I feel good, too. But the important thing is, how am I going to react when things get tough? Because they will eventually!
     
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  15. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    That's a great question. I think now's a good time to start thinking about what to do if things get heavy. It should be easier now because you're feeling good.

    Let us know if you need help!
     
  16. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    I don’t have much to say but I’m on my lunch break at work and I feel like journaling.

    Yesterday was a bit of an off day for me. I went to church and actually paid attention for once but realized that I am further from God than I thought. In the main meeting (which I call Sacrament Meeting) a member of the congregation gave a speech/sermon about following spiritual promptings to help others. She then gave a heartfelt testimony of what she believes to be true. I could tell she really meant it and it was inspiring. I used to be able to bear testimony like that but for some reason have let myself get lost. I realized yesterday that I have no idea where I am spiritually. I can’t really remember the last time I had a spiritual prompting or just like felt the spirit in general (in the warm, fuzzy sort of way). I think the last time I felt close to God was on my religious mission to Japan 4 years ago. I feel pretty stable for the most part in my life except for with my spirituality. I long for spiritual rest and understanding. So why don’t I do something about it??? That’s the weird thing- I have no motivation to change or figure stuff out. It’s like I’m content being lost and confused even though I hate it.
    I’m content being mad and frustrated with God. I’m content pretending he’s not there or doesn’t really have that much of an influence on humans lives especially mine. I’m content believing I have to do it all on my own. But, I hate it. I don’t want it to be that way.
    I feel like if I was spiritually well I would have more success fighting PMO. (I’m on day 13 BTW!)
    I don’t know, I’m just rambling now. Back to work.
     
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  17. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    Mindy I'm not a Mormon so I can't really give you any advice on all the fuzzy feeling stuff or the practices that your church holds. However I can give you advice from a Christian perspective. What you're facing right now is a coming forth of truth. You're feeling disconnected because God wants you to find him on you're own accord. We all grow up in the faith of our parents, but there comes a time when we have to let go everything we believe and evaluate everything around us. That being said, this journey of questioning and self evaluating can either bring you closer to God, or make you lose faith entirely. This journey is necessary though, because God doesn't want a fake version of you or a version of you that was created by your parents. He wants the true you!

    The other thing to keep in mind that is extremely important is to never trust your own feelings. Often the devil will implant pleasant feelings in you to deceive you to think its coming from God. The actual truth is God doesn't care for your feelings. He doesn't want emotions from you, emotions fade over time. What God wants is your heart... He wants you to live for him whether you feel spiritual or not. Think of your love for your parents for instance, there are probably days when you can't stand them... however you know you love them and would do anything for them. This love isn't an emotion, it's a state of being. The same is required from us with God.

    The last point I want to make is we are not able to develop a truth relationship with God if we don't know who God actually is. What I would advise (if your comfortable) spend the next couple of months or weeks reading the bible and spiritual books, attend other types of church's if you'd like. Important thing is get yourself out there and explore what's around you with an open heart. If you believe God is love then he will not damn you to hell for trying to find him.

    I'm only sharing this advice because I went through something similar, there was a point in time when I contemplated atheism. I grow up a catholic, but through a long process had become orthodox Christian. Granted the differences aren't all that big, but this is where I found a place where I can grow spiritually.

    With all sincerity though, I wish you the best of luck! and I'll be praying for you.
     
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  18. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    That’s so helpful
    Thank you so much. I need to go on my own spiritual journey and find god.
     
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  19. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Fapstronaut

    Hey Mindy,

    Hope you're doing okay today.

    I just saw a facebook post from Elder Uchtdorf that made me think about what you were saying:

    I went and watched the whole talk (you can find it online here). It was really good!
     
    Mindy likes this.
  20. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    It seems like you are recognizing your spiritual need. It'll be a long journey but with faith I know you could make it.

    Sorry for the short post. Good luck!
     
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