Road to CHANGE- Mindy’s Journal

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Mindy, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    After reading Mark Manson's book, every time I feel an urge or even relapse, I ask myself why did I do this, what did I want. And then whatever the answer might be, I try to see whether it fits my values. Usually it doesn't and I have a clear answer for why I shouldn't do it, or if I've crossed the line already, why I should not do it again.
    Then I ask myself, what will create a better problem, relapsing and then starting from scratch? Or continuing to struggle and resist those urges? Cause no matter what, you'll be facing either of those problems. You will always have problems. But you get to choose which one. And you'll be happy if you choose better problems, that fit your values. Like choosing to abstain from porn or sexual contact. You'll be faced with the problem of sexual frustration, but you'll be saving yourself from going deeper into your addiction or suffering from heartbreak (in your case)
     
  2. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    Wonderfully put. We should chat on the phone sometime. It’s been awhile.
     
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  3. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    I feel like the people I’ve met here aren’t posting as much and slowly disappearing, myself included. Maybe that’s a sign that we are becoming more independent and capable of handling PMO than when we first started.
    I’ve not made much progress since my last 45 day streak. I’ve gone a bit stagnant. I haven’t been trying all that much at all. I’ve been MO-ing every 2 days or so. I’ve deleted social media again and plan to get a library card and start reading to fill my down time. I want to listen to more podcasts and I want to read God’s Word more. Social media has been so toxic and addictive to me. I waste so much time there! So that’s kinda where I’m at right now.
     
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  4. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    I'm sorry things have been a little difficult for you. I know how it feels when people disappear. It does sound like you've gotten a good idea of what needs to change and how you're going to change it.

    I hope you have a good day.
     
  5. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    Remember to take your time and only do NoFap if and when you really want to. NoFap is not the priority, living well is. So focus on living well, and you'll find out that PMO does come in between too much and then you will be able to finally reject it.
     
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  6. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    I want to give an update that I am going to stop at the library and get a library card and check out some books to read. I want to be accountable and not just say I’m gonna do something and create plans but never do it.
    Also I started praying again! I’ve prayed 1-2x every day for past 4 days. I’m trying to build that relationship with God again and let go of my pride and anger.
    Making changes...
     
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  7. privacyshorts

    privacyshorts New Fapstronaut

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    Hoping you have more success..like the mostly weekly posts. Keep at it..
     
    Mindy likes this.
  8. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Praying is so nice, especially when it's so deep and soul stirring.

    The library is a great place to hang out. A lot of great things can be found in a library.

    I hope you enjoy it. All the best! :)
     
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  9. Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

    Fearfully and Wonderfully Made New Fapstronaut

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    So, as you wanted to be accountable, did you get the library card, and did you get any interesting books to read?

    What kind of books do you like? I find getting absorbed in a good fiction book at bedtime can be a good distraction from my thoughts. One book I don’t read nearly as often as I should is the bible itself. Some of my friends are reading through it in one year, which I did a few years ago and I’m tempted to have another go.
     
  10. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for checking in! I got a book about mindfulness because I’ve been wanting to learn about it for awhile. I haven’t started reading it due to lack of time though. I have never been a reader honestly. But I’m gonna try!
     
  11. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    Had a scare this morning :/
    I got involved on a new fitness app which has been good because they give workouts and I can track my workouts and progress. Well, I posted a few progress pictures and started getting all these messages from random dudes. Some were friendly congratulating me on my progress, others were not as professional. They were complimenting me and flirting and one even asked if I wanted to swap nude pictures. I said no, but the idea still excites me. Ugh. I wish it didn’t.
    I will not participate though. I have more respect for myself.
    One thing I’ve learned, the internet is NOT SAFE. Innocent sites or apps are not always free from sexual things or uncontrolled sexual behavior. It’s so sad that this kind of behavior exists. Respect for others is a dying practice. Ironically, I feel the most respected on this site full of porn addicts!
     
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  12. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    That's terrible! I'm so, so sorry that had to happen to you!

    Seriously, that is pretty bad, but I'm happy you're still okay.

    You've learned a good lesson. There's always gonna be a dark side to everything. I'm just glad you've remembered this before it got worse.

    The irony is strong with this one. :emoji_joy:
     
    Mindy likes this.
  13. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    Clean for 10 days now.
    Feeling sad and embarrassed. Why do I suck so bad at dating? Anytime I like someone I ruin it by jumping in too fast or messing it up somehow. I’ve been talking with and going out with a guy lately and just tonight he told me he isn’t sure he wants something serious so he really just wants to take it easy and only be friends. I think even though I tried not to come on too strong, I still did. I am tired of putting myself out there only for feelings not to be reciprocated. Since moving to this new state 3 months ago there have been 3 guys I’ve genuinely been interested in and all 3 have ended it with me. I feel miserable because he was so great and I messed it up
    These emotions make me want to cope with PMO and find some random dude to give me attention but I know I just need to go to sleep and do what I can to get over yet another failed potential relationship.
     
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  14. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Hey Mindy.

    It's sad to hear about that, but I'm glad you've been telling us how you feel.

    Remember that a relationship takes both people to work. If they say they're just looking for friends there's a good chance it has nothing to do with you. It may be that they aren't open to a deep and serious relationship with anyone at the moment.

    I hope you do find yourself in a good relationship someday. All the best! :)
     
  15. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    I would stop putting the blame on yourself. It wasn't that they were uninterested because anything you have done... It's more on their end. They're going through something or have something going on in their lives that led them to the decision they've made. Nothing you do would have had an impact on their decision, because if they felt genuine feelings towards you, they would have stuck around regardless of how crazy you've acted.

    I wouldn't be so hung up on those guys from your past. I went through a similar situation with a girl who ended things with me and I kept blaming myself because I confessed to her that I didn't see marriage in my life. But then I realized she would have ended things regardless of my feelings towards marriage or anything I have said. She was still in love with her ex, that's why she ended things. It was inhabitable that our relationship would end after a short 3 weeks. Nothing I could've done could have changed the outcome.

    Sometimes you just have to accept the outcome and move on with your life. God might have something better planned for you.
     
    Mindy likes this.
  16. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    You’re right. I need to stop taking it out on myself. I’m a CATCH!
     
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  17. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    So true. Not sure why I’m so quick to be harsh to myself!
     
  18. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    I’ve about made it 2 weeks. I had a dream last night I M’d but didn’t make it to the O so now I’m struggling this morning.
    Going to get up and be with my family ASAP.
     
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  19. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Oh yeah, those kind of dreams are super helpful. Good luck and enjoy your family!
     
  20. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    Gave in to MO at 2 weeks. Feeling okay though. I’ve not used porn or sexting or anything like that in months and I’ve not really craved it either. It just feels like a thing of the past for me. Sexting is still sometimes tempting, but with every opportunity that’s come up I’ve successfully said no right from the beginning and got out of the situation. It’s now become a conditioned response for me. I choose respect for myself and others now. Respect is more important to me than that feeling of being desired or getting validation from people.
    MO is still something that needs to go, but I do feel like overall I am not the same carnal person I used to be. I’ve changed for the better in so many ways. I’m a lot better at respecting my sexual energy and controlling it when needed now. I’m so much smarter with men and the situations I put myself in. I just feel.... good. I feel a sense of freedom. I may never be completely “out of the woods” but I’m definitely heading in the right direction and have been for some time. It feels so good to say that!
     

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