I had a really off day. Many of you have heard me talk about my ex boyfriend. He was a big trigger and problem for me for a loooong time (too long). I found out today he got engaged, and it has made me feel so weird all day. Part of me wants to laugh, and the other part wants to cry. He’s a mess thought and I would never ever want to be with him, yet I can’t help but wonder why I was never good enough for him at the same time. I feel so weird. I want his happiness but I also want him to feel miserable... because he sucks and deserves it haha. Ok, now I’m just being cruel. The reason I bring this up is because it’s put me in a really strange mood and it’s also caused me to remember a lot of crap from my past. All these feelings and thoughts have the ability to really bring me down if I’m not careful. I know just feeling it and not trying to cover it up or run away is probably the best option, but I don’t want to have to think about stuff I’ve buried and deal with it... but I know I need to deal with these feelings and my anger and sadness towards him and work toward forgiveness. Forgiving him and forgiving myself. This is totally a personal thing and I won’t bring him into it at all... just something that needs to get figured out so I can move on from it all. Ugh.