Retro Girl's Reboot

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Retro Girl, Jan 29, 2018.

  1. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Hi, it's Retro Girl.

    I'm officially starting my reboot today. I had originally planned to just give up porn but I've decided after some reflection to do the full no PMO reboot. I'll start with one week goal and if I succeed with that I'll try and go further and maybe see if I can do the whole 90 days. I did start a journal already in another section but as I discovered I was the only female there I decided to also start this reboot log here in the women's section.

    As I mentioned, I had only planned on giving up porn as ultimately I don't think M by itself is that bad, but I've realised I do need to reboot myself. As I've already written in my journal, I think my PMO habit is negatively effecting my real world relationships (or lack of). I tend to be a bit escapist and retreat into a fantasy world, I'm not the most outgoing social person and I don't think my porn use is helping.. not that it's bad to escape reality with things like fiction, but porn can become so addictive in ways that other things aren't and can become a replacement for relations with real people.

    Anyway we will see how it goes, I'm interested to see the changes it will bring and how easy or hard it will be to do this.

    Thanks for reading.

    EDIT

    As of September 10th my journal got quite large so I've created this list of highlights, starting with some of my poems and short stories and then significant moments from my nofap journey. Hopefully this will make it easier to find something, both for myself and others.

    My poems and short stories:

    First of my poems I posted "Innocence"
    Short Story The PMO Beas(h)t
    Breaking Free poem
    A Confessor's Struggle - Sword of Truth inspired story
    The Girl From Space
    The Ancient Woodland

    My nofap journey:

    First time I make 2 weeks nofap and open up about my life
    Reflections after first month on nofap
    Coming to terms with my past
    Reach 4 weeks for first time
    Struggling with terrible urges
    Relapsed after a month & felt like quitting
    Started a personal challenge "Project Midsummer"
    My first (and hopefully last) feminist rant
    2 weeks reached once again and Easter
    Worried I'm not doing enough for others and start writing again
    Hardest thing I've ever done?
    Scrambled brain, almost a month once again
    Beat my previous record
    Remove counter.. reflect on nofap and my reasons
    A rant about nofap.. things going well apprently?
    And I'm back after a relapse.. Project Midsummer revised (start of 70 days streak)
    Another week PMO free (despite saying I was only giving up P)
    Me being known as "Mother Confessor" starts here
    Reach a full month no PMO once again
    I reveal my cunning psychological trick..
    5 weeks.. entering new territory
    6 weeks and this is the furthest I've ever been
    50 days milestone but feeling tired and drained
    After a week away, is journey coming to an end?
    I reached Midsummer goal, time to say goodbye?
    I'm away from here for a month, come back to say hi
    Uh oh, things not working out..
    Looks like I'm back (again!)
    My recent experiences are taking a toll..
    Removed counter again(!) FFS girl..
    I begin birthday nofap!
    Some explanation of recent times..
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
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  2. BarkingDogs

    BarkingDogs Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Retro Girl - its a brave move giving up the full PMO thing and I wish you the best of luck. Strap yourself in for a roller coaster ride and don't forget this site as a source of support when things get tough.
     
  3. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    So far so good. Feels quite liberating to have made this commitment. I didn't expect that, I thought it would feel like a burden. I guess this is a good sign that I'm going in the right direction. Very early days of course, I expect things will get tougher as time goes on. I know where my most vulnerable time will be - just before bed, as I've got so used to using M to help me get to sleep. I think for me, giving up M is going to be much harder than giving up P, which so far feels quite easy.
     
  4. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Well, 3 days have gone by quite quickly and I'm feeling good. Seems I have more energy and enthusiasm for other things which is great and exactly what I hoped for. And keeping myself busy with other things means also that I'm not thinking about P or M! I'm also feeling quite sure that my feelings about P were genuine, it's not something I want in my life anymore, for many reasons, I am done with it.

    Hoping I continue to feel these benefits, motivates me to keep going.
     
  5. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    It's Friday, weekend is here. I think this will be my first big challenge, having a lot of time to myself. No problem though, I've got plenty of things to keep busy with, porn is not going to get a chance for my attention, lol. I'm determined to complete my first week. If I can do that, then I can keep going further with confidence. Hope everyone has a good and pmo free weekend.
     
  6. GeeWhizz

    GeeWhizz Fapstronaut

    Retro Girl:

    You're doing great, keep at it!
     
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  7. Wildernessy

    Wildernessy Fapstronaut

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    Oh, you're new too! Hope both of us go the distance.
     
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  8. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Thanks you too!
    Yes, thanks, I'm sure we will!
     
  9. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    It has been quite a difficult weekend if I'm honest. I did feel quite tempted to watch something. As I thought, I think it is easier to not M than it is to completely avoid P. It just feels too easy to look at something on the internet, it is only a few clicks away. One thing I'm going to do is not allow myself to use laptop or tablet in bed. Instead I'll only take a book with me.

    Having said that though, it is interesting that this appears to be withdrawal symptoms, even when I have gone some weeks without P in the past, I don't remember feeling like this. Perhaps it's because I made this intention and now my body reacts with protest. Almost one week completed, have a feeling that the next week will be harder.
     
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  10. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    Excellent work @Retro Girl
    It's always going to be difficult to stay clear, but you've hit 6 days and you're sticking to your guns.
    Absolutely great going.
    This time tomorrow you'll be 1 week strong!
     
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  11. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Well, I did relapse unfortunately. It's kind of not surprising as I was close to a relapse over the weekend and after reaching my one week goal I think I let my defense down. Having said that I think I need to rethink my commitment to nofap. On the other hand I guess it was wishful thinking to believe I could go perfectly on my first attempt. I don't know what else to say, I'm disappointed of course but I will try again and do better this time.
     
  12. reystronaut

    reystronaut Fapstronaut

    Something I learned from @Beamer:
    Or as I heard elsewhere:
     
  13. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    Well done on 7 days @Retro Girl
    That's excellent going, and a great reference to be aware of for next time.

    I was coasting along for 14 days until yesterday, which was just really difficult, and totally out of the blue.

    Watch the original Karate Kid, and be motivated to success.
    Wax on, wax off ....
     
  14. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, yes I will try to keep afloat at least!

    Thanks, yes I love The Karate Kid movie!

    Also, reminds me of a retrowave song I love, Sunset (no regrets), make me feel hopeful.

     
  15. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    That's the way.
    This thing, this addiction doesn't define us.
    It's just an obstacle.
     
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  16. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Just wanted to do another update while this is fresh in my mind. I felt a lot of energy build up during last week and as I thought at the weekend it was quite a difficulty for me to contain my urges. However, on the positive side I did manage until monday. Then I just felt the need to release that energy. Of course I felt good for a short while afterwards (and guilty too of course). Today however, and I want to write this here to remind myself how I felt, today I feel low in energy, lacking motivation, lazy and generally unhappy with myself. So, tell me future self reading this, was it worth it?

    I know this process is going to be learning to deal with my energy build up, and I want that energy, I don't want to waste it. The stupid thing is I have plenty of things to do, plenty of interests such as art and music but today I feel flat and uninterested in doing any of those things. I know in just a few days the energy will start to build again, I have to learn how to integrate it. I need to stop this pattern where I have a few good days of being productive and then M and spend the next few days doing nothing. I'm wasting half my week at least and I've been doing that for a couple of years now. It's time to change and this time I'm going to do it.
     
  17. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    I haven't been around for a few days, unfortunately I didn't manage to continue with any number of days after doing my 7 days. I'm not sure at this point if I'm really committed to doing this or not. It feels a bit silly to be here if I'm just going to relapse every few days. I don't really know what else to say right now. Maybe I'll give it another try for this week.
     
  18. reystronaut

    reystronaut Fapstronaut

    Retro Girl,
    I'm sorry for your recent relapses.
    I suggest thinking about your motivations. What caused you to want to do NoFap in the first place?
    Know that we are all here for you and available if you want to talk.
    Wishing you all the best
    --reystronaut
     
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  19. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much.

    I think my motivation is just to give this a real chance. To give up this habit that doesn't feel right for me, even if sometimes I think it's something I like. I saw others giving this up and read their success stories. I want to try this for myself. Ultimately, I want to be a better person, a better version of myself.

    Thanks again for your support!
     
  20. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    I've reached one week again so I'm happy about that. Every time you relapse you have to put so much effort to get where you were before. I guess it's like climbing a mountain, every time you slip you fall to the bottom and have to start all over again. So much effort just to reach the place you were even before you get to go any further. But now I can go into next week knowing that I am going further than before into new territory. I like that feeling, it feels much more motivating. Now I'm excited to see how far I can go.

    Luckily I haven't really felt horny much in the past week. I think the effects of my previous one week streak still had some effects combined with feeling very disappointed and frustrated with myself for relapsing. I've been using M for these years to basically self medicate anxiety and depression but now I'm feeling I can combat those things with a healthy PMO free lifestyle instead. It seems to be working so far, my mind feels much clearer without P and my body really appreciates the break from M.

    Looking forward to next week and reaching double digits. Hope everyone is doing well, thanks for reading.
     

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