Resurfacing memory

I am dealing with resentment toward women. I have made previous posts on this topic. This time is wish to discuss a thing I did in college.
When I was in a computer lab late at night working on an assignment I exploded in rage. I was frustrated on the assignment and then I went on a rant saying, "I fucking hate women."

The University put me on probation, and I was ostrisized by my classmates for the year. Every now and then the memory and guilt resurfaces and it can be a really tough state to be in. I have come a long way, but I still have progress to make. It might be strange but sometimes I find myself angry at the University, the classmates that turned me in, and generally made at the way people treated me afterward. I feel like they judged me and abandoned me. I now feel like people will judge everything I say and I fear and hate the idea of being ostrisized again. I probably am wrong to feel this, but I really wished that they should have had empathy with me.
I understand what I did, but I still feel like a victim from what happened. I still have this resentment and I am scared to reveal it for fears of what will happen. It's hard for me to completely convey my feelings, but this is the closest I can come.

As of now I feel like I should conceal my feelings, and though because I will be labeled as an "evil" person and people will avoid me. On the same hand I want to connect with people and I have a hard time doing it. My mind and heart are badly devastated but I am scarred to show people. I feel like I am being labeled for thoughts and feelings I do have.

As for resentment toward women I have been making improvements. I am not approaching them, I am focusing on myself, I am working out, and trying to improve myself inside and out so that I can be more attractive to women later.

I guess what I am asking is: am I right to feel like the victim? How can I again start connecting with people?

Any other insights that you have please share.

 

Hey man,
I totally understand your situation. You still feel bad about the situation cause you haven't forgiven your classmates and yourself.

Don't focus on who is right or who is wrong. Just forgive people and move on. Otherwise you will keep feeling that bitterness.

If you do this you don't have to worry about who is the victim, cause it's the past.