Reset PMO Counter

So much has happened since I last posted.

I had gone 56 days before I had a relapse. At this time, it was just MO so I didn't want to count it as a full-on relapse. However, 1 MO relapse became 2, and 2 became 3, and then P was introduced again, and now I'm back in a cycle of PMO every few days. I'm putting my foot down and starting back at day 1 again.

When I relapsed the first time, it was during the week of my comprehensive senior art exhibition which was probably the most stressed I have ever been. Since then I have fallen into the lull of senior slump - looking back at my 4 years of college, wondering if I had wasted my time, anticipating/dreading adulthood after graduation, and having very little willpower to do anything. (I don't know what came first, the senior slump or the PMO relapse - either one could have been caused by the other).

It is during this time of low energy and mild depression that I began to reconsider some other changes I had made too. It occurred to me that the girl I have been dating for 7 months had been draining me of so much energy - the work put into the relationship was not proportional to the joy we got out of it. There were several other factors involved, but I told her on Monday night that we needed to take a break. I had told her about doing NoFap in the past, but I haven't kept her updated with these most recent relapses. I feel like she wouldn't understand anyway. I had also quit smoking weed since January, mainly for my relationship with my girlfriend. The day I broke up with her, I got to smoke later that night. It was refreshing to come back to, but I don't think I'll become a full-blown stoner again.

Also I have hives and they're crazy annoying. They started right after my 3rd or 4th relapse, and I'm wondering if they have something to do with stress and how NoFap had strengthened my immune system. I'm on allergy medication all the time that makes me really sleepy. I had the same thing this time last year, and they lasted for 3 months.

All that to say, this is such a weird time in my life. Nothing is constant anymore. I feel very lonely and I'm already grieving having to leave all my best friends. I think NoFap could be a constant for me in these next few weeks before graduation.