Replaced by teen girls

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Lilla_My, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Again, Mordobarn, you are right in your observations. The fact that these things escalate is a valid point, one that I've noticed myself. In the beginning, it was "just" pictures. Now it's more and more videos. Not that it makes a difference, but I'm sure there will be more, worse. You said that he would try to turn this around on me, which is interesting. This morning I woke up, wished him a good morning and offered him a cup of coffee. We haven't argued, in fact, I never argue with him over anything anymore because the punishment is too severe (no communication for days). But I did cry in the night two nights ago, and he doesn't speak to me because of it.

    So today, after the good morning and him declining the coffee, he told me "my period mood" caused him not to wanna come home and that he will sleep on his work (he has that possibility). Before when he did this, I spent my day going over what I could have done wrong to drive him away like that, but now for the first time I see things from an outside perspective, thanks to you and other people on this forum. I'm his puppet, and if I don't dance and smile, I will be thrown in the dungeon of isolation. He will spend the night with his mental mistresseses and I'm alone again.
     
    TryingHard2Change likes this.
  2. hardowner

    hardowner Fapstronaut

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    You're probably better than these girls. He chose you to share his life with. They would only stay with him only for a few hours or less. However, you still love him, you care about him, you want to help him, you wish the best for both of you. I believe that all these are evidence that you are better...

    So, why does he prefer to spend his time with teens on his phone instead of you? Because he can't edit you, he can't crop you, he can't blur you. Some other guys used software to do the aforementioned to the pics and videos that sell to your husband. They hide the truth from him and present the teens that are being degraded as perfect. They're not. Nobody is perfect. You are better than these imperfect girls, plus you are a loving and caring wife. That's all I can see...

    Finally, maybe he doesn't even like what he watches. The addiction makes us watch things that we find disgusting. Maybe the reason that he pushes you is that at the end of the day, no matter how many pics and vids he will watch, he will return to you, the best person for him. I don't know. The only thing that is sure is that you can't do anything to make him recover from his addiction if he doesn't want it.
     
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  3. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Looks like you're getting some pretty good advice in this thread.
     
    Lilla_My likes this.
  4. de severn

    de severn Fapstronaut

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    You are very saintlike to still have the desire to stay but I would have turned my back and left... this is coming from a PMO addict. I don’t like that he leaves the house when you’re crying even though he’s the reason for it. To me, that shows he has checked out of the marriage somehow and he’s trying to live his life as conveniently as possible for him. He wants his porn life but he also wants you to stop “nagging” him about it. The more you “nag”, the more he feels disgust and rage toward you for getting in the way of his addiction.

    I would just leave him to it. All the signs point toward him lying to you and taking you for a ride.
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2019
    Susannah, Lilla_My and Mordobarn like this.
  5. This is classic Intimacy Anoerxia (IA)---your husband has this in spades it sounds like. Read about IA..read about the pain and isolation spouses of IA's deal with. Doug Weiss has a few books about it along with many other good YouTube videos and resources.
     
  6. AngelofDarkness

    AngelofDarkness Fapstronaut

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    I agree with previous that you should leave. This isn't about making sacrifices as an SO anymore, to have a stable, long-lasting relationship in the future. This about your husband not even showing you love anymore, not trying to heal your pain when he is the one who keeps hurting you with his addiction, and keeps hurting you outside of his addiction. This isn't excusable behavior anymore. Supporting the PA with his recovery and being patient and understanding is one thing, but not getting anything in return, even worse, being further hurt in return is more than wrong. It seems like he has completely lost himself to the addiction and I'm afraid that you can't do anything to fix that. Please don't keep hurting yourself more by choosing to stay if he has become this cold and dismissive towards you. I'm wishing you all the best.
     
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  7. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    It does make a difference. Videos have a markedly stronger effect on the brain than pictures. They will accelerate the addiction. The videos will become more and more extreme. When they stop working for his brain, he'll move onto other things, like massage parlours, prostitutes, or something else. It won't stop until he realises that he is addicted and he wants to change. But it might be too late by then.
    That's known as gaslighting, and it's dangerous (for you). You need to get out while you can. I had a gaslighting wife, and she nearly destroyed me and even her own daughter.
     
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  8. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your kind reply, Hardowner. You made a very interesting point there, I suspect he is somewhat drawn to porn he find repugnant, which I in a way can understand (it's easier to "disconnect" if someone on screen doesn't look like a potential partner, I can assume, but I don't know).
     
    hardowner likes this.
  9. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Your wise words really come as a great comfort for me, especially the thing you said about him not necessarily connecting to the women on screen (I believe the thought of that is the most hurtful for women). Like you mentioned, a few months or even some year of heartache would totally be worth it if he can turn things around. In their heart, I believe most wives would prefer to save their marriage if there was a possibility of the marriage being saved. I suspect him feeling extreme shame, and that might aggrevate his constant flight response.
     
  10. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    As much as it hurts, I do believe you are right.
     
    Susannah likes this.
  11. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    TryingHard2Change, wow, that was just a massive realization! I had never heard of it, but he definitively ticks all the boxes. He finds great pleasure in denying me something if he knows I want it. On Valentine's day, for example, he gave me an empty card with no text in it. I got very sad, and asked why he didn't bother to write anything he said ,"because it's too fun to see how upset you got".
     
  12. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, AngelofDarkness. That's so sad. I still don't know if he really has an addiction, or if it's something else that causes this weird behaviour; he hasn't told me.
     
  13. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    I don't know where you live, @Lilla_My , but where I live, you would definitely have enough to press for a divorce.
     
  14. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    He really has an addiction.

    Everything that you have told us makes it absolutely certain.
    That is an effect of advanced porn addiction. If you read other people's stories, as they become more and more addicted, the old porn that they used to like ceases to work for them any more. They need more and more extreme porn, even porn that they find disgusting, to be able to get sexual satisfaction. Many long-term straight male porn addicts have found themselves addicted to gay porn even though they hate it.
     
    Lilla_My likes this.
  15. OH MY GOSH! I am _SO_ sorry. I have never heard of such a toxic relationship!
     
  16. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    I’m so sorry you are going through this. A lot of us can relate but I just want to add. That this type of thing,
    This is emotional abuse and not to be taken lightly. I would highly encourage you to find a counselor/ therapist especially if this type of thing has gone on for a while. These are toxic abusing behaviors that will tear you down. You deserve better and you can give that to yourself.
     
  17. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I found this statement rather troubling. This is beyond fucked up. Abuse is, for the most part, a reactive response. It is an inappropriate coping mechanism to something the abuser doesn't like. This, however, is beyond abuse. This is premeditated. This is calculated. This is malicious in its intent. This is solely for the point of provoking a negative reaction out of you in response to a negative action delivered to you. This is something a sociopath would do. This is like receiving a chocolate covered turd. You get it, you're excited, it looks good, it smells good, and the anticipation builds...right up until you take a damned bite out of it, and it's nothing more than a nasty little surprise disguised as a gift.
     
  18. Nagual

    Nagual Fapstronaut

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    To be honest, Im just a 21 years old boy who just broke up with his first girlfriend last year and who is fighting his porn addiction (with great progress though). I maybe have no experience or competency to give you any advice, but when I read this I knew for sure that this isnt the way I want my future marriage to be or how any marriage should be. Marriage is intended for two people who love each other and being trapped in a toxic relationship is something nobody deserves or has to bear.

    I wish you the best for whatever you decide to do.
     
  19. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Correction Son! You're a "MAN"!

    Loved your response BTW!
     
  20. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    That last part is pretty acurately describing my marriage! In the beginning it looked good, it smelled good and then, well...

    I find that at some point, he stopped wanting to screw my body and instead only had interest in screwing my mind.
     

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