Religious girlfriend wouldn't have sex :(

It sounds to me that you should consider splitting up, as sad as it sounds. If your faiths are both important to you the relationship will likely be incompatible in the long run. She is clearly very strict in her faith, as you have been together for 9 months without her wavering. Back off, become good friends in the long term and move on????

 

you want sex. she doesnt want that before marriage. you two belong to 2 different religious faiths. i had dated Muslims and I am Catholic. It was impossible, it wasnt going to work and last in the long-run. do you picture a future with her? she is too different from u. she has those values and it is amazing for me

I am a 25 year old girl and I lost my virginity at 21 but now i see i should have put more importance on that and the guy to do it with. i think given you have different opinions you should be honest and break up with her now, if you don't wanna marry her in the future so nobosy's waste time in this relationship

how are u gonna celebrate the wedding? these are all things that people with different religions should consider and also have you met each other's parents and if so do they support your relationship? Think about this

 

I've asked a priest as well. A very traditional one at that, but that makes no difference does it? Let's go to the official source then shall we?

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

Nowhere in the Catechism of the Catholic Church does it say the marital act is only for the purpose of creating new life. It is an act which should always be OPEN to new life. You're confusing OPEN to mean ONLY. The PROcreative is used here to mean any sex act done by married spouses should not be ANTIcreative in its intent, meaning it cannot be contraceptive. A married couple therefore who are always OPEN to the possibility of life keep the unitive and PROcreative requirements of the marital act even if they are to have sex in the heat of the moment.

 

That's not accurate. What the Church teaches is that sexual union must always be OPEN to procreation; that isn't the same as "attempting" to procreate. In other words, it isn't necessary for a couple to have the intention to procreate, but rather to put no barrier against it. Also, a couple may know that procreation is impossible (infertility or age); they aren't sinning by having marital relations, again, so long as they are not actively preventing procreation. That way they are expressing their relationship to God as Creator, and themselves as stewards -- not masters -- of life.

And the "rhythm" method is about 40 years out of date. Methods of natural family planning have moved far beyond that. Indeed, when couples have trouble conceiving, one of the first things many doctors (not Catholic) will recommend is the very same methods of natural family planning, precisely because they enable the couple to identify when the woman is most likely to conceive. Therefore, it also enables couples who -- for a good reason (i.e., not a selfish or trivial reason) are postponing having a child -- to avoid the fertile times. Thus, it involves periodic abstinence.

You are correct that contraceptives are entirely contrary to Catholic teaching, but not as a function of "canon," i.e., church law, but as a function of natural law. Catholics believe contraceptives are immoral for everyone, not just us, because they offend against God's design and God's prerogatives as Creator.

 

I dont get how just the fact she wont have sex makes her a keeper to merry and awesome? There are lots more things to a person and a relationship than that..

 

I haven't read the other comments, so forgive me if I'm repeating anything.

You asked for advice, and I'm going to be super blunt... sorry if that hurts your feelings, but I can't think of any other way to say it. I think your relationship is absolutely doomed to fail and isn't healthy for either one of you. As a devout Christian, myself, I can't imagine why she would be dating an atheist in the first place.... Not that you aren't a great guy, there are plenty of really great atheist people out there, but if religion is such a central part of your life, I can't imagine every choosing a life partner who doesn't share that. You both are clearly on completely different paths in life and don't want the same things. My prediction is that either you're going to move on because of lack of intimacy, you're going to pressure her into doing something she will regret for the rest of her life (please don't do that), or she's going to realize that she wants to be with someone who shares her faith and values. I can't really see any way that this relationship would work out well. It sounds like a messy break-up waiting to happen.

Again, I really am sorry if that's hard to hear, but I believe it's best to know these things as soon as possible, and get out before you get too attached. That's just my opinion. You can take it or leave it.

Another thing to note, in case you are unaware, God says, in the Bible, to not be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers. In other words... don't marry someone who doesn't also love Jesus. So if she is as devout in her faith as you ssy, it's only a matter of time before she realizes that this relationship isn't right for her. And it sounds like it isn't right for you either.

 

You can't force someone to "convert." If it's forced, its not true conversion. They don't really believe, and God knows the heart. You dont "gain eternal life" by saying "okay, I'm a Catholic now."

 

It's not forced at all. It's a free and pragmatic act of the will. Belief is a choice.

The exact nature of belief is a bit of a mystery don't you think? Take the example of the most rational type. They will umm and arr, and examine each and every doctrine both for and against the faith, they will deliberate, and then procrastinate, and then finally decide, having weighed all the evidence in the mighty scale of their intellect, to give credence to the faith, based on the knowledge that they have collected best to their ability. Where is the faith in that?

And then then there is the pragmatist of which Pascal would be an example. They will say nothing can compel their decision except a consideration of consequences. Now if you are to hold and cherish the woman of your dreams, by taking a vow that actually means something...

Oh, for the innocence of less corruptible days when belief was as natural as the air we breathed.

 

I don't want to turn this thread into a religious debate, but "converting" to Catholicism shouldn't have anything to do with who you're dating. We are probably talking about very different things, though, since you're Catholic and I'm not. To me, based on the Bible, accepting Jesus as your Savior is what ensures your salvation. You can't just say "sure, I believe in Jesus and God and all that stuff" because you love your girlfriend. That's meaningless.

But anyway, that's all I have to say on that matter. There's nothing more to be said, and Im not trying to take over this guys thread.

 

OK, but wouldn't the beauty of that woman, both inner and outer... not perhaps motivate you...just a little bit... to think about it... and the nature of relationships... and what they are grounded on.. and on the sacred and, on the idea of marriage as a sacrament... and might not then all of these thoughts begin to resonate with the deepest yearnings of your own heart... and might you not then convert???

 

Well of course, but that's not what you said in your original statement. You said "how do you keep her around? Convert to catholisicm. Simple." That's a much different statement than what you're saying now... one involves actual thought and belief, and the other is just an act to impress a girl.

 

Well exactly. She is more than sex.... or should I say sex is more to her than pleasure. It has symbolic value. When she joins with you, she joins her life to you.

Sadly, a lot of young women today don't have much more going on for them other than sex. I don't really blame them as there's not much going on in the way of education in this sex soaked society other than 'Go girl!'. And then they wonder why their boyfriends get bored so quickly. Tragic really.

 

The first visit to a church is motivated by a present situation, that probably has nothing to do with seeking conversion. It can still lead to a true conversion. My parents were convinced that my sister's boyfriend was only interested in their daughter, and was converting only to get to her. At first that may have been true, but seminary, a missionary stint in Africa, and an extended ministry in an urban congregation have demonstrated that a solid conversion can start with chasing a skirt.

 

Yes, said in the interests of brevity... given the nature of forums. And then further elucidated on your query of it. Still, the first post did have a more pragmatic leaning to it.... but that enlightened self-interest may indeed be the first step toward a series of thoughts that lead to genuine conversion.

 

Just to be clear, one does not need to convert to the Catholic Faith in order to marry a Catholic.

Convert if you believe; but don't convert for any other reasons.

 

Yes, but wouldn't a Catholic woman, who is serious about her faith and keeping her virginity, be unlikely to marry a non-Catholic.

 

Yes, but it still happens especially when the non-Catholic SO agrees to raise the children Catholic.

 

Hence the reason my suggestion was to call it quits on this relationship. I don't believe someone should convert to a religion they don't believe in for a girl or a boy. But I also don't think a relationship between two people with such vastly different religious beliefs is going to be healthy for either party, in the long run. That's only going to lead to a whole lot of animosity and arguments, possibly resentment on both sides for various reasons. I really don't want to see a girl give up her virginity to a guy who "converts" to a religion for her just to get sex. This guy isn't asking for advice on how to keep her around, as if she's on the brink of breaking up with him. He's talking about her not wanting to have sex, and if that's something that's very important to her, he should respect that and not pressure her or expect anything sexual from her. And if he can't do that, he needs to leave her alone and go find someone "easier."

 

I couldn't agree with @Septimus more. Just talk to her about what she wants. Talk about what you want. Determine together if you're compatible. Do you know if her faith is her only reason to not have sex? If you really like her you can stay friends. Are you both open to kissing and hugging without exclusivity? Just be open and honest with her and talk about things.

 

You like her a lot and have fun hanging out... That's great. But trust me, you can have that with many different people. That's not enough to form a lasting relationship, and if you're so frustrated about not having sex that you're considering breaking up with her, I think for her sake, that's exactly what you need to do. Virginity is an incredibly special and important thing for a lot of people. How would you feel if you end up pressuring her into giving into something she didn't want to do, and then a few months or years later the relationship fails and you have to break up with her? Or maybe you don't break up, and you get married and are together forever, and she resents you for taking away the specialness of the wedding night? As someone who very firmly did not want to have sex before marriage, I just don't see this relationship possibly working out in a healthy way, especially if these thoughts are already on your mind.