Relapsed

I edged, which was incredibly stupid, and then MO'd. I had made 23 days since February 23, which is the longest I have done it in at least a year and probably much longer.

I feel awful and I sincerely apologize to everyone who has been following my progress and sent me PMs because I know I have let you all down and the comments were very encouraging.

I was working a lot a few days ago and didn't eat well, then I stopped exercising because I was feeling weak which was probably because I wasn't eating properly. Also wasn't having a lot of fruits/vegetables. I've gotten really annoyed by my roommate the past few days because all she does is drink and smoke and has friends over who drink and play loud music until 2-3 AM on a weekday. I have asked her to turn down the music and she doesn't. It drives me crazy because I can't focus in my room when I can hear this loud beat and some vibration of the wall. I want to move out because of her negative influence but I haven't had the time to look at other places. Today I went to some dating websites and then started doing some google image searches and while I first recognized what I was doing and stopped, later on I did some more searches and edged without really thinking about it.

I know that my feelings stem from being lonely and not being in a relationship but when I engage in PMO there is no loving connection and I am only harming myself and making it more difficult to be in a relationship. I don't think my mind was in the right place the last few days and I didn't recognize all of my triggers. I have decided to delete my profiles on dating sites as I think I'm just using it as an excuse to look at pictures although I am corresponding with a few people. I'm making plans to buy healthy food for next week and went grocery shopping yesterday. I will start exercising again.

Peregrin posted what I thought is a great idea of using a rubber band and snapping it when one notices fantasizing. According to the author most people can make it past 90 days by using this technique. I am going to try it. Maybe I can find a thicker rubber band that will inflict more pain.

I previously had made about 14 days and this time 23 days. Although I didn't make my goal of 30 days, I am going to add these 2 together and add a few more days for a new goal of 40, which has other significance as well.

I feel like crying and it disgusts me to see my counter at 0 but I know that this is the longest I have gone without PMO and while this is a big setback I am not going to let it stop me.