Relapsed after almost 7 months :S

Congrats on 7 months. Wow. That's an achievement.

I made it 30 days, relapsed, then 21 days and relapsed at 1 a.m. today.

My wife is gone out of town, a time of vulnerability to me. But I have been unusually strong, not even feeling temptation until I awoke around 1 a.m. with the words "white bikini" on my mind and seemingly no willpower. I got up, walked to our spare bedroom, grabbed an ipad, downloaded a browser that doesn't track your history and, you guessed it, searched "white bikini," scrolling through the images.

Of course some eventually had women without their bikinis.

The only good thing, I guess, is that instead of binging, the desire kind of faded. I turned the ipad off. Didn't masturbate.

At the moment, I'm not as despondent as I have been when this happened.

Still I need to reset or reboot or whatever it's called.



Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

 

we are human and its natural to feel weakened, but there are things you can do to boost confidence and strengthen your resolve, check out my thread, i have learned how to be more happy and confident in myself, and my resolve has grown. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...zyness-and-no-motivation.216981/#post-1917146

 

Hello my friend,

Thank you for sharing this. I am on my 75 th day and my mind starts to telling me maybe I don’t have a problem. Maybe I can have a look on it. But then I know my mind is playing tricks on me. Remember we have a very strong addiction like hard drugs. I think you did a great job the last 7 months. It’s not about perfection it’s about progress. I really believe that you have progressed the last months a lot. I think failing is part of our way. Don’t give up. I think your next days will be hard because all the memories come back. But if you will resist the urges it will get better. Remember what helped you before. I wish you the best. I will fight please do also.

 

i agree it is about progress, people might think relapsing after 100 days is a failure, but that is still 100 days away from porn, if you get right back to abstaining after it you wont have hurt yourself that bad compared to the benefits you have received.

 

It's okay man. I know from personal experience that this shit is even worse than heroin. Those who have gone through PAWS can catch the music of what I mean to convey. This relapse should be a motivator to you, man, and not the other way about. Now go for a never ending commitment of NoFap.

 

You are going to look at it differently after so long and you will come to realize that you really do not need it any longer. If I understand you then you didn’t PMO you just looked at ootn os that correct. I know some will call it a relapse but I don’t think you have to start over at all. New on your streak and get stronger from learning a lesson from this moment you had..

Congratulations on 7 months as well. I am completing four months right now. I would be interested to know how you felt after four to five months and when your PIED symptoms improved if any..

 

A good honest post

 

Seriously consider using technology to block porn on all of your devices. After failing to fully do that once, I found porn and reset after 8 days. Once that happened, I sat down and locked everything in the house down, from phones, computers, to the network hardware. Took some research, but I used a combination of host files, programs, apps, ISP filters, DNS filters, and a few other things using UNIX shell. Once I was on day zero again, I took that opportunity to test it all, and found more loopholes. I closed them. Even if I now deliberately tried to find some, I would have to go in and disable at least 8 different things, one of which has root access and is set to a delay timer of FIVE days before you can go in and change it, and another I would have to go into a shell and delete around 10,000 sites line by line, which would take hours from a terminal. For all intents and purposes, finding porn can't be done easily. It's out of my life, and there's no easy way for me to see it anymore. The habit is quickly disappearing because I simply can't get to it anymore and I have to say, it's a great feeling to know I would literally have to spend days to get access again. If that doesn't stop someone, nothing will. In my mind, it's gone from my world.

 

Thanks for sharing this experience.
I am making a strong believe that everyone is at the danger of this wecked porn industry, but we can divide people into four groups:-
1) innocent people, who have never watched, and those are more at the danger of curiosty, if they find a helthier way to express their sexual desire they will decrease this danger.
2) addict, who watch without feeling the problem, and those get the least amusment cause of the down regulation of their receptors and the problem they face in their life and health.
3) rebooting, in the middle of the fight, they feel they are borderline between relapse and have better life, they are always aware, feel the danger, the main trigger for them is the urges and stressful conditions, but they have a back-up of the improvement they feel.
4) fully reboot, who came back to life, and i believe that self confidence is the main danger they are suspected to, they believe we are cured and nothing can make us addict again, they don't believe that there are unhealthy pathway in the brain that is fibrosed but still present, their main obstacle to relapse is the suffering they felt along the trip.

 

Unfortunately you have re-sensitized your brain back to porn, especially after 3 relapses. While its fantastic that you went such a long time without relapse, you havnt changed your life enough so that PMO is no longer an option.

It is my opinion much more must be done to successfully beat this addiction. You must have different outlets for your emotions and also be able to trust yourself in every situation life throws at you.

Good luck man

 

Hello my friend, I think you do a great job. Keep fighting. I have relapsed on Saturday. But now I am back on track. I am wondering how my next days will be. What helps me a lot is to work out. Have a great day

 

After 7 months is not bad to relapse you clean porn from your brain just don't do it again.