Relapse for devastating effects

So to start off I have been going strong for two years no problems I identified most of my triggers and been working on a better and free life, but earlier this morning tragedy struck my life. On a daze of exhaustion I relapsed without even thinking about it. I opened my eBay app and browsed through some adult oriented content. Well not only was a hurt by my own actions but my wife caught me. She was rightfully angry with me but she furthered my own pain by reminding if not drilling me that two years of recovery have just went down the drain. As of right now I feel lost and broken inside but I refuse to apologize for I have been strong and in a moment of weakness I turned my back to my own progress. I feel horrible and upset of coarse but am I wrong for trying to look at the fact that I have gone two years? Or should I focus solely on the fact that in the end I failed at this......... if anyone can help me in this I know here is the place. Please a brother in the fight needs a helping hand.

 

I try so hard to look at the light but it isn't only me I let down I let my one biggest supporter down. That's where my pain stems. I know the root of my evil but no longer know the strength to fight it, once I gave it a face and name I thought that I now had power over it but it seemed to gain an unseen upper hand in the fight. Maybe my true mistake was thinking that the battle was over, when instead I should have braced for a harder deeper fight within.

 

Also, thank you for your words.

 

Indeed but it feels so empty going so far and slipping this much