Relapased after 60 days...mainly due to social isolation and loneliness

I have no idea.

Want to be friends?

 

(i'll make a circle before getting to the point)

I'm 37 and when I found out about the addiction I decided to turn my life around entirely. PMO is/was a symptom of severe depression, depression that started in my teen years and had gone on and off every now and then, peaked twice, a divorce and recently while I was in my previous job, due to several failed friendships founded on preoccupied attachment style (i.e. unhealthy). The only solution for my depression, and indirectly PMO, has been quitting an environment, the old workplace, and start new job in another company. I cut almost all connections to all people that I knew, I also cut all connections with my family (for health reasons) and I'm now literally only seeing my therapist once every two weeks - there's no one else that I have conversations with. I have a few connections still ongoing from the old company, no contact since a month, but those will also be cut entirely in the near future, as I'm unhappy with them, as they've lost my trust recently.

So I'm also super super super alone (and angry) and sometimes I find it hard to go about my day without thinking that everyone else is happy but me (pitiful), or that I made a mistake by cutting contact. For me this is likely to be over once I join the new company in a month and I will start meeting new people there. Many will be colleagues, but some may turn into friends.

I don't do meet-ups anymore, I don't feel comfortable there, and I also don't just start a random conversation with a stranger on the street; it's considered a bit rude here.

 

I live in Germany. I don't want to generalise, but people socialise differently here than I am used to

 

I dont get it when someone tells you "Just go out and meet someone" "Go to a bar, park be friendly "
What? Are you telling me to attack every pedestrian with phrases like " Hi I am Tommy, will you be my friend? " xD
Bar - 70 percent of people goes there with companion, 30 percent alone because they want to EAT there.
Park - C'mon, Nobody goes there to meet new friends...

 

Theoretically, one can start a conversation on a specific topic in a specific circumstance. For example, I like art, so if I go to a museum I'd probably try to strike a conversation with a few people there about what they think about the topic of the gallery or the painting or work of art in front. I gather it can be seen as an intrusion, but it's not like putting a knife to their neck and ask them for their opinion. Or maybe they have no opinion. Or maybe it's my broken German. Or...

But going in the park and saying "hey wanna be my friend" of course is a bit... yeah... no, that won't work.

 

For me it helps just to go out, taking a walk or a run, see some old friends (really, some of them really like it when you text 'm after a long time). Since I am not feeling this kind of loneliness I would just suggest you should go out there and join something where you will meet people at some regular base. Saying hi to unknown people might work, but it starts with going leaving your chair I think.

 

Yeah, busting into a new social circle is hard. It is doable. You have to really leave your comfort zone sometimes, for success.

 

Like, don't necessarily focus on girls. Make male friends, because they might know females you can date.

Even befriend less attractive girls. Usually, they have more objectively attractive female friends who are exploiting them, in order to look relatively more attractive themselves.

 

But I will totally relate to you.
After my GF I have nobody else to meet, or talk to. I live in small town. Manly old people live here. Nothing interesting here to do, except swimming pool and the woods where I can exercise.
I even have 30 km to nearby gym..
My days are spent in home, I feel sometimes soo isolated. Like fuck, at University, around peers I feel like dinosaur that just left the cave xD

Okay cool, but I dont know how.
I live in small town and there is nothing to do. I havent formed any strong relationship. I do not have any old "buddy"

I also lost hope that I will find a friend at University, everyone already has active social life why would they need me? Everyone gathered in small groups or have one person they always talk with.

I think that texting to anyone, talking to anyone and trying to make a friend will look desperate.

 

I think that all people have wide social because they formed them in childhood/puberty.
For example, when they are 18 they all rely on relationships formed back then.
I also dont think they are better than someone who doesnt have friends because both of them didnt meet anyone new.

 

Get a hobby. Join some sort of club doing what you like to do and you will inevitably meet new friends. Best of wishes!

 

Cool, any of these things involve me commuting at least 40 minutes to nearby town :/

 

What's the reason for not changing the place you live? I mean seriously your physical environment is isolating you, but what's the reason for not changing it? Job? Is it really impossible to find a different one?

 

I am currently not having a job, I cant afford changing place to live. Yes, I came to the same conlusion. I need to move out.. My gf plans to continue education in big city in center of Poland. After I finish my school I thought I could possibly go there with her. If I wont be with her until that time I will think about moving out anyway.

 

And I have no good plan for my current state :/