Reflecting on my 8 months PMO free

even if in a couple of days i will reach 9 months PMO free I wanted to reflect and above all appreciate my accomplishment of 8 months in reboot. btw i am a girl and i will turn in about a month 26 (ex p and s addict)

I like writing a post every month that i am free and the memory of me addict is almost completely lost and appears more to be a dream than something that was my reality night and day for 7 years of my life. I like looking when i wrote satisfied about my 4 months that i also mentioned on my notepad

now i am a much more chill person, i barely drink alcohol, weeks or months without.i rarely go out. my routine is work and sometimes gym. i am focusing in earning more money and so i avoid spending money in beers and other stuff i can avoid and honestly i don't love alcohol very much

i prefer staying at home watching how i met your mother usually or other movies, sometimes disney clips on youtube (like the lion king as in my profile pic on nofap) or gilmore girls, stuff i used to watch as kid and they remind me when i was innocent and not an addict yet, they make me go back at that time. sometimes i like thinking about that, even though i am okay with being an adult now

about a week ago i went out with a big company and being a beautiful girl wasn't hard to get guys talking to me to try to get melted into the group. but i noticed something weird from the usual. the reaction from people about my company is more negative

before i was able to attract people that found me funny (girls and guys) i mean that wanted to hang out with me again etc while now i felt more rejected. i used to be a people magnet now dunno what has happened to me. maybe also coz they sense i am not at my ease and i am desperate to get friends. maybe that's that. i had a "light" of friendliness when i was an addict. i was depressed a lot but somehow i was very confident and smiley when around people even if i had basically no friends still and only the guy i was dating in that moment

somehow i also felt a part of me wanted to be asked out by a guy but no guy looked to have the courage to ask me out instead of stare only. funny enough when i was minding my business and was walking on the street days ago after been at my gym and heading home a guy said "can i ask you something?" so i turned around ready to ask him with an annoyed face what he wanted and he simply said "can i get your number?" i asked him twice if he was joking and he said he was serious

honestly it is very odd and i almost didn't want to give him my number but i did, to be open to dating again. basically we texted for 2 days but he replied late so then i deleted his number and stopped replying to him. obviously he was a fuckboy and i didn't like him he had a nice body but that is it so better we didn't end up on a date at all. plus he goes to my gym so i wanted to avoid bumping into him awkwardly

i was truly afraid he was making fun of me. also another guy approached me like that years ago. i feel less confident that what i used to be normally, at least about dealing with guys and being the person most people enjoyed being around in parties or pubs. my last guy stopped kissing me for the last 5 months coz i had bad breath but we kept having s and he loved s with me. i felt too humiliated to talk about it so i didn't even fix my bad breath in that period and never talked about it

i even avoided to try to kiss him. it was the only period i had bad breath i ate bad food so i didn't have that problem with any other guy i dated. and thinking that before i had bad breath we used to make out a lot and we both loved that. i used to bite softly his top lip and it was a way i kissed only him. and at the end he was, i assume, disgusted just by the idea of kissing me. i am not even sure i remember how to kiss anymore

i guess that had its weight on my self esteem especially on my confidence in picking up guys. now i don't have bad breath but i wouldn't want a guy to kiss me and then be disgusted coz i had bad breath. it made me feel very bad when that happened

i used to be very "sensible" when people said the word "porn" even just putting in a joke and i try to change subject immediately, i bear it but i don't like people mentioning that in public even if they are guys. It is fucked up

i am a member of a whatsapp group chat and the other day few people joined the chat and started sending spam messages with links to what i assume were real p movies. i could see a picture about that but didn't get triggered. i am proud of myself. i can watch now also scenes from normal movies even with s and i am alright

one night ago i had a dream and in this it was mixed with p scenes i had watched. i remembered some of them almost perfectly(those in particular i watched them several times when i was an addict so long time ago) i didn't think about that for too long and didn't feel triggered

i have been feeling also lost again lately. especially when i talked with people my age getting degrees. i seriously thinking to go back at university. also wanting to earn more money to be able to pay university. I am at the age where dreams become realities. I wanna make it happen

this video made me realize that i don't have to freak out only because others around my age are getting a degree or most of them already got one. i would love to go back at uni

I start 2018 as a much better person than the one i was ending 2016. I made it! I quit p and s addiction for good when i thought that i had to live with them and there was no other way and i felt condemned. thanks to the creator of nofap. thank you because talking with other addicts has been the first step to not feel alone anymore and find help and support from other addicts

 

thanks and congrats for your 425 days and wish you keep up your reboot and don't ever watch p again

i laugh when i hear jokes about p for example in how i met your mother but i don't like people especially that i met for the first time bringing it up. it is fucked up and if guys try to flirt with the girl it is even worse. they are kind of people i dont wanna surround myself with. i don't feel tempted about hearing the word "porn". i am not triggered anymore. plus it makes me feel sometimes awkward and annoyed coz i don't know how to react. i don't want give the impression i know too well what they are talking about (i am a girl and this is even more odd)

 

you are welcome that was the main goal congrats for your 27 days, keep going

 

Thank you and stay strong you too
I should have talked with my ex openly about that and my addictions when it was time instead of pretending I didn't have to talk with him about those stuff. I wish I did

Yeah I spend a lot of times at night after work watching Netflix. I don't have a lot of desire to go out after I finish work. I am very motivated to do something or meet someone or i dont give a fuck and I prefer staying at home or alone somewhere. There is no middle ground

Yesterday i thought what I used to do before I started watching Netflix and I couldn't remember. Some time ago I had my head spinning for days and I had to stop watching Netflix or YouTube videos for a while. I usually sleep with headphones in my ears and a movie still playing when I wake up in the middle of the nightime. I should watch films and TV series much less and live real life not via TV series. I gotta make my life more exciting

Plus I want to save as much money as I can now and avoid going out wasting money in beers and stuff like that and focus on working harder and earn more money. My job now is my first priority

 

in these months of reboot i re-took control over my s. instincts. i admit i am still scared of letting myself go with guys. but do you recommend an ex sex addict to be kinky? That was the main reason why i decided to quit p for good and avoid having s for a while to be able to be proud of myself again. If I wanted to fuck i would have already fucked a lot of months ago. I wanna be back in the dating scene too but in the right way

 

You will get there I see you have the motivation needed to quit forever. Stay strong and God bless you ask help to God. He did help me to stand up again and rise from my ashes when I hit rock bottom before I started my reboot 9 months ago now

 

i should finish to apply my new, rebooted me in relationship with guys. i consider myself 100% rebooted. i wanna be able look at guys when i am out instead of rarely look at them. improve my self-confidence when i walk. i am pretty easygoing. after my reboot, i am attracted only to very handsome guys. I have no s. desire for all the other guys. i wanna date a handsome guy who is good to me

so i am thinking to get to the area in my gym where there are mostly guys there lift, weights etc. see what exercises i can do there and see if they will approach me. at my gym people mind their business and concentrate on their excercise but sometimes i had guys who tried to start a convo with me. i gotta put myself out there and throw away my baggage, you are right on this thanks for your tip . cannot let my baggage keep me from experience life again to the fullest and being happy. i will keep u up to date about me. have you dated since you started your reboot? congrats on your 145 days btw