Recovery Journal

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by willoWisp, Oct 31, 2018.

  1. willoWisp

    willoWisp Fapstronaut

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    I think I've made a lot of process in genuinely eliminating the craving in myself, to borrow from Buddhist terminology. I don't go out of my way for sex anymore. Instead I think about the person I want to be and by doing that I become her. I am also making one of those chains you make out of candy wrappers, adding one link for each day. The idea is if I break the chain, I'll have to keep it, and I'll end up with lots of little chains. But there's a genuine satisfaction to seeing my chain get longer. It's a physical something I can hold in my hand to represent my progress in a way which completely conceals its hidden meaning to everyone except me.

    Technically, 5, as I used again immediately after I made that last post. But not since.
     
  2. willoWisp

    willoWisp Fapstronaut

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    Day 50 here, and I have to say that I'm feeling much better about everything. I've learned that a lot of my paranoia symptoms were being exacerbated by watching women be repeatedly brutalised. I think the key to my success is actually that I'm sleeping around still. This gives me an outlet for my sexual curiosity, a legitimate need at this period in my life, without recourse to using. It's also helping me learn temperance, because sometimes someone else doesn't want to have sex and I have to accept that as opposed to before when I could just use. But overall it's always a great experience and it only gets better the longer I don't use. It's making me feel like I have one less thing, and a significant one, out of the way of me forming meaningful bonds with people.

    edit: holy shit, was my last post literally over a month ago?
     
  3. willoWisp

    willoWisp Fapstronaut

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    So there's a girl I've been talking with in a not-serious-but-still-something emotional capacity. Thursday feels like longer ago than it is, because I'm gradually I think getting over the idea of casual sex and part of that is because Girl told me about her own porn use... she asked if I used, I said no, so then she started talking about the weird emotional effects it has on her, and said she'd quit of her own volition. All of this completely unprompted by me. I didn't disclose my own problems, but I did hint towards my own... y'know, familiarity with the stuff. In part because I feel like it's just really weird to talk about something like this? It's the kind of thing that seems on-and-off dramatic in my head in a way that I would not be able to successfully communicate, and which is maybe best tamped down anyway.

    In the long-run I really would like to become someone less sex-driven, partly because it's really hard for me to form any other kind of relationship with anyone when I keep accidentally banging everyone. It's actually kind of a serious problem? So... maybe not immediately but in the short-to-medium-term I am looking at maybe outgrowing my slut phase.
     

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