Recovery and Honesty

I take this to mean no one is calling you a bad person or broken person. No one chooses to be an addict, it happens early in life and no person is prepared to fend it off. However, the choices we make are our responsibility as adults and for those we are accountable. It is the difference between shame and guilt (feeling bad about "who I am" vs "what I have done") and blame vs accountability. Here, people will help you mend the guilt through amends, reparations, repentance, whatever you want to call it and they will keep you accountable. But people won't (or shouldn't) blame you.

It is ok to judge another person's actions as wrong. As sentient beings with discernment and relatively aligned moral compasses, we all do that. It is wrong to judge a person as a whole as bad or wrong. Everyone has a journey, loses their way, and must find their way back to the path. I think you know what yours is, it's very similar to mine. But those who judge another person as bad or wrong or defective, at least in my experience, are people who have not taken a good look at themselves. "We only judge what we fear" - Brene Brown.

Peace
-Quinn

 

Pride and a man they suck. Same situation, I have tried quitting and then telling my family after I have overcome this habit, to my thinking it's much more painless to them and to myself but hey I can't quit. This secret has followed me to the tip of my grave. Do I choose death because of pride?

 

Also, @daemonwithin if you are ever ready to disclose and need help, I have a sample letter I've written on discolsure of what I wish I got. In my sample letter I break down why each part was in the letter- the importance it signifies to both PA and SO.

I have sent this sample letter to at least 3 other PA's who were on their way to disclosing and coming clean and they have thanked me for the guidance and resource. If you PM me and want the sample letter that does not by any means mean you Must Now go and give it to her. It simply means you have a resource so you can then try to write your own letter during your healing and realizations and then present it to her once you have connected dots for yourself on your recovery.

For instance, my husband would never have been able to give me the sample letter I send to PA's because at the time of discovery for me, my husband was very unaware of the things written in the sample letter.

I wish you luck in your recovery and do believe honesty is best. As an SO who was lied to repeatedly and gaslight to make me think I was crazy I just hate to see other women being put through that torture and abuse.

 

I am in your wife's shoes atm. I say if she wants or needs to know then tell her everything because my husband wont make a full disclosure and ive got that many questions going around in my head that I feel as if im going crazy If he told me everything id be able to start the healing from the truth but he still lies and sugar coats the truth. That is only making my healing take longer and making me resent him more. some days I dont even remember to eat because im so preoccupied trying to piece it all together. It will help her trust you and help her feel safe knowing that you are capable of being honest.

 

Could I please have this sample letter.

 

Yeah, for sure!