Recently seperated

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Fly-free-freebird, Nov 19, 2018.

  1. Fly-free-freebird

    Fly-free-freebird New Fapstronaut

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    I have recently separated from my husband a month a ago, we were nearly married for 8 years. We have two young daughters turning 2yr and 4yrs.
    He has a porn addiction and has chosen it over a family, he doesn't want any marriage counseling and wants a divorce. I have been very lonely for last couple of years he has been distant and never really showed any affection to me, and wasn't there emotionally. He also had a temper, broke my daughters furniture, and wasn't very hands on with our daughters, like didn't help with bathing them and never changed nappies.
    He took 20 days to ask to speak to his daughters on the phone. I dont understand why he would want to give up and chose porn over us me.He broke my heart over and over with his relapses, and took away my self esteem. He would deflect and say something nasty to me when I found out he had been looking at it. I felt like I couldn't get my trust back and it felt like my feelings didn't matter to him.
    I have to stay strong for my girls... it's so hard, but I feel finally free.
     
    Thor god of thunder likes this.
  2. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Anyone who reads this will be heart broken. Many of the married men here, myself included, realised we needed to stop using porn when we realised that we might lose our wives if we did not. But there are women here in exactly your position, e.g. @cakeinacrisis recently & @GG2002 a while back. I'm sure that you will slowly find a way through this hurt and rebuild your self-esteem and that when you do you find a man who is not broken by porn.
     
  3. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

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    My heart aches for you. My situation is similar— married 7 years with a 3 and half year old and twin 7 month daughters. I may be in your shoes soon as my husband continues to gaslight and erode me away emotionally. We are teetering near the edge.

    I’m happy you are free and hope that you may be uplifted and find a much better life. Take solace in being out of limbo. The choices these PA make are confounding and the distruction is heartbreaking. But your shackles are off lady. Live!
     
  4. cakeinacrisis

    cakeinacrisis Fapstronaut

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    Feel free to reach out any time!

    I promise, you're going to be OK. Stick around here & we'll all help where we can :)
     
  5. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Listen to @cakeinacrisis! She's been there, done that, got a whole wardrobe full of T-Shirts!

    I'm so terribly terribly sorry we did this to you. Please understand, this is an addiction and a brain disease. That's not an excuse. It's an explanation. We allow our addiction to control us instead of controlling our addiction and getting help.

    I will say this to you. If that's what he wants, call him on his bluff. I think it is prudent when someone says "I want a divorce" to grant it to them. Everything else you do is controlling. Just as you do not want him controlling your behavior, you do not want to control his. You want him to engage in self control. You've got two beautiful daughters to consider. You sure as hell don't need a grown man-child to deal with. Having said that, with his temper tantrums, breaking shit, and all? With him not taking any interest in his children to not talk to them for 20 days? That is outrageous. I am not a fan of divorce. I am a fan of working things out. It takes two to work things out.

    Now, go watch this video:

    Tyler Perry’s “Madea – Let Them Go!


    On the other hand, if he hits "Rock Bottom" and decides he want the help, have him call on us. And we'll help him.
     
    Fly-free-freebird likes this.
  6. cakeinacrisis

    cakeinacrisis Fapstronaut

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    Got more on the way!! ;)
    Yep! Give him want he wants....if he is sincere about wanting a divorce, he'll go through with it & you'll be spared a life of being with someone like this. If he's just saying it to hurt you, then I think you know that means he's not at all wanting to do the work to make y'all work (if that makes sense).
    So true. As his wife, you've most likely been carrying the relationship through already. It's his turn to start contributing to the marriage "weight".
    Best place to be amongst those who know this struggle!
     
  7. Fly-free-freebird

    Fly-free-freebird New Fapstronaut

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    I wish I knew about nofap along time ago, I now have people to talk to that have been in a similar situation. Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts.
    I'm not too sure what gaslighting is? He use to say stuff to me like, all men look at it, and why are you making such a big deal about it. Is that gaslighting?
     
  8. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Discovering NoFap for more changed my life. I felt so alone like no other woman understood. I was not married and I don’t have kids but I was engaged for several years and I ended that relationship after porn addiction ruined it and I’m now happy and dating again. It’s not easy and it takes time but it’s very brave of you to do what you are doing. My self esteem was shot too. Your husband is an addict just like a cocaine addict and his addiction will cause him to choose his drug above everything. His behavior is not rational to those of us who are not addicted so making sense of it is hard. I’m sorry he’s not ready to get help but you can’t force him. He will get help when and if he’s ready . You deserve better and better is out there please trust me on this one. Hugs!
     
  9. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Watch this that I gave to @Vixen...
     

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