Rebuilding What?

Deleted Account · May 21, 2017

i have been with my BF almost a year and a half, living together since August 2016... and feeling like shit since I can remember. I only discovered his PA maybe a month ago. The disclosure is trickling like a nosebleed. He goes through the reboot "motions" seemingly OK, but I have this nagging feeling at all times, that no matter how much he recovers, first, I won't be able to get over this (how the past 17-18 months made me feel), and second, that his personality is so "damaged", that even if he quits P, he won't just magically open up, won't ever lie again, will stop being selfish, angry, distant. The reason why I worry about these issues is mainly because I don't see much improvement in myself, regardless of how I educate myself on his addiction AND I don't see any improvement in his mental patterns even now, nearly 60 days into his reboot. Does everyone feel so hopeless and almost desperately unsure of what to do?
Oh yeah, I almost forgot why I even started this thread and titled it Re-building What? We are often told to work on re-building, re-kindling, re-asserting, re- this and re- that... Hearing that makes me cry and even more hopeless. Because of his PA we never had ANYTHING. No relationship, no closeness, no "honeymoon", no passion, no honesty, no intimacy, no attractiveness ever felt by me, my self-esteem steadily eroded down to zero, etc etc What ARE we supposed to RE-build, if we never really built anything in the first place???

w95chris · May 21, 2017

Porn addiction is bad and destroys your system and some brains take more than 90 days to recover so patience is required here.I also have to ask that are you sure he is rebooting?I mean i do not question you -or your boyfriend- but sometimes things happen that mess with your reboot and it means that the reboot is not done properly.For example in the beginning of one of my attempts i watched p sometimes and whatever i found that said NSFW i wanted to see it.But then i learned after some failed attempts.

Now about how he made you feel.No one is asking you to forget what he did but if you really want to be in a relationship with him and you are not out of need then forgiveness is required here.Also the reboot will help his brain to recover and to become a better person but this will happen if he wants to change. NoFap is not a magic potion where you drink it and become a better person.It helps you become a better person yes that is true but you have to want it otherwise it is no good.For example before NoFap and no PMO i was a very cold person and always found things to make me sad and disappointed but with the absence from PMO i was able to become a warmer person who sees life with a different prospective.I forgot that this part of myself even existed but i found it because i wanted to change and i saw the little things that made me keep going

If there is nothing to rebuild then don't rebuild but create something new.It is never to late to build anew if you both want to.If you feel that this relationship is a ship that is sinking -or worst sunk- then talk to your boyfriend and see how he sees things.If you share the same prospective then you can build something that lasts if he doesn't but he is willing to change then try together to find a solution.On the other hand if he does not accept change no matter how hard you try -or tried- then time to abandon ship

This is my personal opinion and how i see things.I strongly recommend that before you act talk to your boyfriend and see where he stands and how he feels.There is always hope and remember that when Pandora opened the box all evil went out but hope was still inside when she closed it again.The point is that there is always hope and that everything happens for a reason at least that is what i believe

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Rebuilding What?

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w95chris Fapstronaut

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