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Rebooting in a long distance relationship

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by MasterOfDistraction, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. MasterOfDistraction

    MasterOfDistraction New Fapstronaut

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    Hello, fellow fapstronauts :)

    I stumbled over this movement by browsing TED talks on youtube years ago, where I found "The Great Porn Experiment". This video really opened my eyes and changed how I view porn and masturbation forever. I realized which illusions I've been living with ever since porn entered my life in my childhood, and it was shocking. Yet, at the time, I wasn't ready to fully commit to the reboot. Going for so long without PMO was out of the question, but I wanted to see how long I could last. It was around 5 days I guess, relapsed hard, and basically forgot about the whole thing.

    I started working out, and it helped me a lot. I got a girlfriend, of which I've been with for 2 years in a LDR now. But even though I made progress, I've still had all these self-destructive, mind-numbing, motivation-killing habits and addictions that has kept me down and prevented real change. Exercising regularly made me feel better about my self (for a while), but I still refused to believe in my future - that I could really change. I always thought all I needed to change was a girlfriend, but this alone wasn't nearly enough. I still would make all these excuses to keep staying in my ever shrinking comfort zone, numbing myself with PMO, weed, alcohol, benzos, video games, internet, what have you.

    Extreme stress the past few months from school and big economic troubles, culminated in my girlfriend being very direct to me about my situation. I got beyond furious, more angry than I've ever been. I felt like she didn't understand my pov, and it pissed me off. This anger was with me for days. I couldn't sleep, eat or function at all. I was extremely close to breaking up with her, giving up school (again), and escape into another chapter of my downward spiral. But I still loved her. I re-read our discussion and I slowly realized she was right about everything. I cut down heavily or completely on all the destructive stimulis apart from actual PMO. Then a month later I came by NoFap on Reddit by accident. I spent several hours reading in-depth about it all, and I now felt confident and dedicated to this project. I have never seen my own problems this clear before, and it honestly feels amazing.

    The first 11 days have mostly been great. I struggle less with urges than i expected - at least so far. The first week I woke up with extreme morning wood horniness, also waking up several times during sleep because of this. But I haven't let it get to me. By keeping busy and productive, exercising, meditating, using positive self-talk, cold showers, eating sufficiently and healthy... I feel like I'm managing this very good so far.

    But I do sometimes worry how this reboot can affect the relationship with my gf. The depressive moods and extreme loneliness is what has been worst so far, and I find myself fantasising about meeting someone that doesnt live 5 time zones away. We have a long and challenging road ahead of us. It's not so much the reboot period itself I'm worried about, because being in a relationship yet not being able to have sex makes this easier for me. But I have no idea how this is gonna change me.


    So, to finally get to the point... Can somebody relate to this? What are your experiences with Nofap in a LDR?
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017
  2. UKSD

    UKSD Fapstronaut

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    hey man, I'm in a LDR too whilst recovering. I've told my girlfriend about it and she's supportive of the recovery process. But yeah, some day are rough! When you need the emotional/physical support you crave and need it's not there! and that's when its easiest to turn to porn/masturbation. It's difficult to communicate solely via text messages or video chat but i've found a few ways to make it better:
    • Reminisce about days you've spent in the past and how they make you felt. Focus on making plans and days like these again
    • have dates via video chat e.g eat dinner together, watch something, have a drink together
    • Be honest and open about your feelings. If you're upset or emotional, Tell her. It's really difficult to convey emotion and expression through text messages so be direct and honest.
    • set a schedule and times to talk about things that are more difficult, like when you're both free and not busy
    Hope this helps my friend
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2017
  3. onemoretry

    onemoretry Fapstronaut

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    Hello Guys,

    I'm in a LDR as well. Being in foreign country makes it even worse.

    So I live in Germany rn and my partner is 5000 km away. both of us are studying abroad. It's so hard during exams to keep going. But as @UKSD said I try to remember our vacation and the good times which we had together. Sometimes it triggers me. But I try then to think about something else. I have told her as well about the whole noFap thing and she is supporting me.

    Btw guys Do you mind if we make a group to talk about our journey, thoughts
    and even challenge each others?! maybe a WhatsApp group or anything.

    I think it would be a great idea if you dont mind.
    @UKSD @MasterOfDistraction
     
    MasterOfDistraction likes this.
  4. MasterOfDistraction

    MasterOfDistraction New Fapstronaut

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    @UKSD I'm glad your gf is supportive, so is mine :) She's an important motivation for me to keep this going. Our sex life has been quite good, but while it's more effortless for her, I sometimes have to go into quite a crazy mode to be able to get off. Death grip struggles are real :p
    Thanks for the tips, we already try to do most of this, but due to our timezones and both being busy with school/work, it's not always easy.

    @onemoretry Sounds like a good idea to me :) Maybe not Whatsapp, I'm not sure.

    The last few days have been a bit harder. Good habits slipping a bit up. Keep procrastinating with school...
     
  5. UKSD

    UKSD Fapstronaut

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    Hey @onemoretry that's a good idea! Inbox me and we can organise something.
     
  6. UKSD

    UKSD Fapstronaut

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    Same here my friend, a future with my partner is my biggest motivation along with the potential for exponential personal growth within myself. Time zones are an issue for me as well, they're a killer!
     
    recon117 likes this.

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