Rebooting and normal sexual urges

Unfortunately, since I have been dealing with this disease for thirty years, I don't know what "normal" is.
I know one thing, I can't trust the voice in my head or my feelings, both have lied to me before.

 

Thats actually an interesting question. Firstly id say that either way the voice is bad while trying to reboot, because it leads to urges and eventually relapse. That being said, an urge to have sex is somewhat natural, but an urge to watch porn is the addict brain talking. Thats my opinion anyway.

 

Who says we are sexual beings? Are urges normal? Have you ever supposed that urges don't have to be common. Maybe there are people not plagued with the constant berrage of urges.
Also just like a substance problem, our brains still crave a chemical too. The only difference in PA it is self produced. Your brain will want what the brain wants.

As far as whether the urges are dysfunctional or not, this can really only be answered by you and your therapist. Are the urges present to fill some hole left in your life or to cover up some pain of sorts? Often times we see these are the driving forces that create urges.

It is difficult to trust the voices in our heads who have lied and deceived us for so long. My best advice is table the question until you're about 100 days rebooted. It will be easier to see which voice is speaking. If you can get past craving sex, then you will see what normal is.

Often times as PA we desire what we want, when we want it. We are self spoiled little brats with little patience and hardly any self control. We want to reboot, or recover, or restore in record time too instead of practicing patience and learning to trust ourselves.

Great questions, welcome aboard.

 

This is a great question. Most of my friends struggle with sex addiction too. It seems like we live in a society where being over sexed is seen as a sign of masculinity. If you ever log into tinder, women in bikinis and naked erotic poses is pretty much all you get. No wonder we are never able to stop thinking about sex. Most of my friends (and myself) are completely overcome by sexual thoughts constantly. Very confusing to figure all this out.

 

First of all this is a great question. I was thinking of this in the past seven days, too, given the fact I reached 100 days of no PMO. I have a girl who waits for me and recently my libido has jumped high. I know if I asked her to spend night with me, she would do so. The real problem is, I do not know whether this is a sign of recovery or a relapse in disguise.

So I decided not to call her. Still, after 100 days I cannot tell whether this voice is good or bad. My intuition, however, is telling me that I need more time. I gauge this by strength of my morning wood (60%, but I do not want to test it with stimulation) and the fact that these thoughts would be overwhelming if I did not learn much about blocking them. In addition, I know that she will wait for me further, so why would I risk all this progress for short term pleasure?

100 days is no joke and I do not want to risk the hard work. It is better to wait and be 100% sure I am recovered than be 99% sure and take the risk.

Given my explanation above I have a couple advice for you. First, do not set a date because you might be setting yourself for a relapse at 100 days mark because you might say "fuck it, I am probably fine by now" or you might be patient at day 70 and say, "30 more days and I will have sex" despite the fact you have not fully recovered. Second, although I cannot tell this from my experience I believe you will know deep down when you have recovered.

Keep it up and stay strong.

 

I think "normal" urge means any sexual thought not related to porn,"abnormal" is when your urge is related to porn,when that voice whispers in your brain,you know. During reboot I noticed too that my thinking about sex is changing too,for example before I thought: "it would be great to fuck now", now: "it would be great to make love now", and imo its a big difference.