Reboot log journal form (Every 5th day, scientific review)

Discussion in 'Under 20' started by SKfisher, Nov 3, 2018.

  1. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    Day Zero.

    The bugger day.
    The day of misery.
    The day of failure.

    Nothing sucks more than failure. Day Zero is a day of failure.

    However, day Zero is a paradox. Zero-day is both the Worst day and Best Day.

    It hurts like nothing else. Makes you feel like a total failure. The day your brain returns from the brief holiday it took from making good decisions.

    It is also the day of redemptions. The day your sins get washed away, the mistakes of your past run struck from the record. The day you set of again into a bright untarnished future.

    Zero is such an interesting concept because it manages to portray nothing, the bitter loss of having failed. But contain everything itself. For this zero could represent any number of outcomes, including those of the greatest success.

    This Zero is not a failure. This Zero is the Zero of success. For it is this Zero that leads us to success.

    for this Zero represents

    Zero times porn watched this time.
    Zero times masturbated this time.
    Zero times orgasmed this time.

    So with this Zero, I begin. A long walk to redemption.

    May this be the first in a long line of Zeros.
     
  2. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    Day One.

    This is usually the part where people say how hard it is to resist.
    I'm not having much difficulty yet
    None of the classic side effects;

    Side effects may include irritability, itchy elbow, spontaneous ejaculation, ear warts, eyebleeds, purple stool, green stool, neon urine, black urine, habeas corpus, corpus christi, lupus, acute albinism, augly albinism, genital detachment, rectal inversion, jellybones, hallucinations, depression, nirvana, Botswana, yomamma, Obama, discomfort and death.

    Yeah I'm trying to be funny, sue me

    although I will admit usually the urge to fail comes suddenly. I don't think I've ever failed with an extensive warning or a long range of "resist, resist, resist, RESIST, RESIST, RESIST, oh cock"

    so what are my contingencies for avoiding failure?

    Firstly I am using my "alternative" account to do this with. Should the urge arise, the force of habit will make me see my alternative account as my cure account as a reminder to my commitment.

    Secondly, I endeavour to spend more time working on my novel, A most worthwhile distraction that works most effectively (Until you hit a roadblock)

    Thirdly, I intend to become much more active and public as I do this. Methinks its time to shame me into doing this right.
    Firstly I am using my "alternative" account to do this with, I have subscribed and made this sub my front page. Should the urge arise, the force of habit will make me see this sub as a reminder to my commitment.

    Fourth, Music, Music, Music. Can't go wrong if you are listening to classical music (Yeah I'm a Salieri fan, Salieri is miles better than Mozart)

    Fifth, Any and all advice were given by you, the awesome and amazing community out there.

    So here's to being a better me
    Whatever else I am, whatever else it means, that’s the man I want to be and if I die today, that’s the man I’ll be.
     
  3. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    Day two.

    Well again much like yesterday I have not yet reached any point where I'm feeling the strain

    I'm just really doing my own thing

    Writing my book. Keeping busy.

    What's worse. I've run out of funny ways to phrase this attempt, AT DAY TWO.

    So for all you regular viewers out there monitoring my progress.
    "We are experiencing a temporary inability to meet your needs, please stay on the thread, Your viewership is very important to us"
     
  4. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    Day three

    Delayed, I fell asleep early, Honest

    It was a long day involving interviews and a lot of shouting, plus I had a long day for today.

    All in all, I didn't really have time to feel an urge yesterday

    so there's that
     
  5. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    Day 4

    I hate day 4
    I can hear the question marching with confidence to this thread
    "But why my good friend (Ok Ok random acquaintance on the interwebs) Mr Kingfisher?"

    Cause day 4 is usually where the urge to relapse starts
    and by usually I mean it does
    and by it does
    I mean like right now in this very attempt.

    So what am I doing to avoid it?

    well, I'm trying to get to day 7, cause that's a goal I've only reached once when actively trying.
    I feel that day 7 would be the point where I actively try to get a new personal best.

    So I tried playing Xbox today to take my mind off the urge.
    Battery pack one dies, ok, switch packs
    Two dies, really, Not doing it

    then I try watching a tv show
    of course, things get sexual

    So I stop, Is this a sign I'm meant to relapse? will we ever figure out the answer?

    yes you will

    No its not

    I want to relapse so I'm gonna find an excuse to do it.

    I didn't, yet, hopefully not until at least day 30, preferably day 90, excellently to infinity.

    but the strain is starting.

    Like I said It starts somewhere along the process, not in the beginning.

    So the urges have started. May I be stronger than ever.

    on another note
    I think I'm out of milk, so starting the signs to relapse early tomorrow, Hope to write day 5 tomorrow.
     
  6. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    Day 5

    This report will be a little different as I'm a bit of a science man
    Every 5 days I will evaluate my condition on 3 points

    Neurological (The addictive nature and reduction of endorphins)
    Psychological
    Physiological

    keep in mind they will be descriptive so you may want to give these a miss

    Why? I can hear you ask
    Because NoFap isn't about why Its about Why Not.
    and also It may be useful to see what the effects are as they go on to help others see the path they will take

    so lets hit the report

    Neurological

    The urge to masturbate has now become a more constant thread in my experience, I am experiencing minor headaches and hot/cold flashes when thinking about relapsing. I can feel my body craving the release and flood of endorphins relapsing would release. I'm beginning to notice minor amounts of shakiness. Any act that produces endorphin release of any kind is now highly coveted by my body, Today I was embraced by someone, the release of endorphins triggered a long period of desire to relapse, involving physiological sensations of an itch/sensitivity of the head of the penis.
    This is in line with my assessment of relapse symptom appearance

    Psychological

    Willpower has definitely reduced, but due to feeling liability for failing by being on the forums it is still at a higher level than ever before, Public protocols have worked miracles in preventing relapse. Other protocols have to be put on hold for a while to allow the worst to pass, Writing a book has become increasingly difficult as all intra-personal relationships now have sexual subtext. The projection of my desires onto my characters is not a healthy coping mechanism, but a destructive rationalization of relapsing. Keeping busy is a good prevention of relapse, however, it makes the non-busy moments harder to get through, namely, right before sleep, the desire is the greatest. since getting plenty of sleep allows me to be kept awake, untired by the urge to relapse, the potential to start sleep deprivation is being considered as it would allow me to just fall asleep faster. Any words that can be used to describe failure, that is not adequately negative enough is being replaced for example; release=relapse, horniness=urge etc. However, I am keeping strong at the moment, The goal of reaching 7 days is the first goal, reaching this goal would definitely increase willpower in continuing until day 90 and potentially beyond.

    Physiological

    Testicular sac appears largers and more solid, testicles remain same size.
    Increased sensitivity at the tip of the penis appears to be a side effect of withdrawal and urges to relapse and not recovery in sensitivity from refraining from activity
    No further physiological changes

    Well that's it for today
    2 more days and I hit a rare mark in my attempts over the years
    day 7
     
  7. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    Day 6

    Its getting bad my friends, the urge.

    Today my left hand had to fight the right hand repeatedly from moving to my business downstairs.

    Mentally I'm feeling miserable, any small thing that goes wrong makes me want to relapse.

    Out of milk, better relapse
    Stubbed a toe, better relapse
    Forgot a bill, better relapse
    Seeing a pair of breasts by accident, you better be believing that's a relapse

    I got close, multiple times, but for now, the will is holding out
    But I gotta say, It's getting harder and harder
    On the bright side, I'm getting more creative in making it harder to get into the mood.
    I've got Gregorian church music playing
    Kinda hard to get in the mood when it feels like you are in church eh?

    But all jokes aside.
    It's hard
    I'm having trouble
    I fear day 7, for It could be when the will goes "eh, good enough"
    Tomorrow I shall write, I pray I shall write the day after tomorrow
    Also, the music is beginning to affect my language
    Please recommend other displeasing music

    Hopefully hands emptily yours
    SKfisher
     
  8. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    Day 7

    I think the phrase rhymes with clucking bell
    that's what I'm going through
    clucking bell

    On one side, 7 days
    on the other, 7 days

    I'm glad I made it this long.

    But it's getting harder. During the night I dreamt about relapsing, Not even having sex or masturbating, Just watching porn.
    It was realistic enough that when I woke up, the first thing I did was check my computer logs to make sure I hadn't actually used my computer, Thankfully I hadn't, and it was a really weird dream.

    I'm keeping this short since I'm tired from a bads night sleep and am slightly incoherent
    Hope to update further tomorrow.
     
  9. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    DAY 8

    Bite me week one

    yesterday was a hard hitter of a day, it started badly (see day 7 for more information) and I had plans that went far further than planned, I ended up being on my feet doing stuff for 18 hours. 18 hours. 18.

    Day 8 started great

    They say waking up is hard and never elegant, this morning however I disagree, I was awakened by heavenly violins and the peaceful sounds of success.

    I have done better than 90% of my other attempts. Which is a great rush, I hit day 15, I will have a new personal best.

    There are still urges, naturally, but they seem to be dropping rapidly.

    The bad news is im now being hit with the core of my issues, loneliness, oy vey.

    I think my addiction was mostly caused by loneliness
    started by curiosity and stumbling across porn at age 13.

    So yeah, more problems are coming fast.

    I'm banking on being able to start work on my book again soon to give me something to do.

    until next time any readers
    eh hell who am I kidding
    till next time nobody
     
  10. SKfisher

    SKfisher Fapstronaut

    Day 9

    Things are going well

    No urges actually during the day, felt really good

    I think I'm reaching some kind of stability.

    was able to write some more to my book today without getting carried away.

    I think I'm about to get close to the point where I won't have to actively think about not failing every time

    The cycle and patterns of my former use might be breaking soon

    great success.
     

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