Really Tempted tonight... And Very VERY sad.

Haven't PMO'd since 6/6. But tonight is getting really tempting to relapse for many reasons. Negative thoughts are dominating my mind right now, I feel that the road ahead is so long and the progress I've made is so miniscule. I need a hug so bad right now but there's no one here but me. I feel like a fish out of water. I'm probably going to cry myself to sleep tonight. The whole thing with the mass shooting in Orlando really has taken it all out of me.
I struggle mightily with these bouts of loneliness because I know when I feel at my lowest in them is where I am the least appealing to those whose companionship I seek because they would view me as being "clingy." That's why I just wish I could find a guy as lonely as I am right now and we could just cuddle ourselves to sleep in my bed. No sex, just gentle loving contact. The thing is, with PMO I don't feel these long periods of despair like I do right now. I was okay leading up to this but the 7 day mark for whatever reason... Is VERY difficult.

 

Thanks everyone. I did not relapse, but God was it tempting. I still feel like crap, but am going to try and get through it and hope my emotions stabilize to the point I can do something constructive rather than be miserable during my very copious alone time as I try to break this thing. Being able to be here and briefly share and care with others did help.