Really Struggling on the journey

So 11 days ago i relapsed, coming off 100+ days. I believe i was starting to feel some of the benefits but still not really much at all.

I relapsed by choice because i was so insanely stressed out and needed to go out so i chose to relapse. I have been slipping up a little bit with watching porn and a little bit of PMO, so yes i slipped a little bit but i have regained my focus and have been perfectly clean since i started again 11 days ago. I also cut out all video games (another addiction i had) and started spending a tonne of time in nature. I go on long walks, exercise, learn to cook and generally spend as much time away from screens as i can, taking hot baths has also been a huge help for me to relax and i feel a lot calmer afterwards.

Im not going through my 3rd withdrawal phase since ive started this journey and they generally last 1 week.

Of late ive started to get a bit dis-heartened because these withdrawal symptoms have made me super depressed, anxious, nervous, fatigued, headaches, back and neck pain, tinnitus, and made my vision worse.

on the plus side my dreams are very strong now and i even stop myself from ejaculation when im in my dream. I think this is because im so focused i even know in my dream im not allowed to ejaculate so i wake myself up.

Unfortunately for me there has been very little to no good days, im doing all the right things but its getting hard after 3 months of seeing hardly any results. I just want to be a little more confident, and get rid some of this anxiety and tension and i dont really know what more i can do. Its like my mind and body are against me. i see most people who see huge results, on youtube and here so im starting to lose a bit of hope. It would be nice to have one day where i can see the benefits so i know that they are there. Anyways i just wanted to vent so here it is and thank for listening and any advice.

 

yeah i know, trying to stay as positive as possible and do all the right things!

 

i definitely see what you are saying there and i agree that can happen.

But no sadly ive felt the same way well before nofap, though there have been a few benefits the main ones are still there. Ive definitely had the mental issues well before nofap and i still have them now, no big benefits worth noting so far on my journey that is. I know they will come for me, but im not sure when.

 

a few things that have gotten better:
- skin has cleared up, also no dry skin anymore
- sometimes i am calmer in certain situations
- Definitely more self aware about the bad habits in my life
- knee pain has gone

the issues that never left (since well before nofap and while i was on nofap)
- Fatigue (varies in intensity)
- Brain fog/slow thinking (varies aswell)
- Bad social anxiety
- lower back pain
- ear ringing
- poorer vision
- tight muscles (due to anxiety i believe)
- fear/nervousness
- irritability
- depression

Those are the main ones im trying to tackle at the moment and anything i do doesnt seem to relieve most of them, i get VERY rare days when these symptoms are not there. I think it just tells me how badly addicted i was and how much time this is going to take